This thread contains a little blurb in the OP where s(he) informs us that (s)he is “mostly bisexual”. Now the thread itself has basically nothing to do with that little nugget, hence my thread here (I asked this question in the thread itself but it understandably has been ignored). However, I really do not understand this phrase. “Mostly gay” or “mostly straight” I can understand. But mostly bi? As opposed to “completely bi”? What is different about someone who identifies as “completely bi” from someone who identifies as “mostly bi”?
I’ll admit I’m confused as well. I can see how a person can be “barely bisexual” in the sense that they’re mostly straight or mostly gay. But bisexuality seems to be a state in the middle between gay and straight. How do you get more in the middle?
I suppose if you go with the idea that bisexuality means having equal attraction to both sexes then you could argue that somebody who’s “mostly bisexual” is somebody whose attraction is not quite equal. A person who is 45% attracted to men and 55% attracted to women would be mostly bisexual in comparison to somebody who is attracted 50/50 and is completely bisexual.
I imagine it’s short hand for bisexual, but leans one way or the other. But I think you’d have to ask the person who said it.
OP lost me at “I simply can’t tolerate such intolerance.”
I don’t want to speak for the poster in question, but:
If you ask me whether I prefer chocolate or vanilla ice cream, I usually don’t particularly care either way. But I go through periods where I’ll only eat chocolate.
Never only vanilla, though, for some reason. But that’s just me.
That’s how I’d interpret it too, not 50-50 interest in both genders, but perhaps 60-40.
Well I did ask the person who said it but it was a bit of a thread hijack so I was not answered.
As far as your take on it here, wouldn’t that be “Bisexual, but mostly straight” or “Bisexual but mostly gay”?
Same as above.
Mostly gay or mostly straight implies 80-20. Bisexual implies 50-50. So mostly bi does seem to fit the 60-40 speculation. But it’s like daylight savings time–the clocks are an hour off…BUT WHICH WAY?
Looking at the thread, the actual quote is, “…I’m not gay (mostly bi)…”, which I interpret as “I mostly identify as bi.” My take on that is that the person’s still in the process of discovering their sexual identity, and while they’re currently leaning towards “bisexual,” they’re not yet 100% sure that’s what describes them.
After thinking about it a little longer, I think you guys are right. It’s a shorthand way of specifying their bisexuality.
This is news to me. All I’ve ever taken it to mean was an attraction to both, not specifying levels of attraction between them.
Yeah, I think very often IRL bisexuals have a decided preference, so if someone just said they were bi I wouldn’t assume 50-50. But in the context of someone saying they’re “mostly bi”, as opposed to gay or straight or bi, that’s where the 60-40 implication comes from.
There are many people who would never use the term “gay” to describe themselves, even if 100% of their sexual contact is with people of their own gender. I have met guys who had every kind of gay sex - top, bottom and sideways - with hundreds of men, yet would never kiss another man, because “that would be gay”. These guys would describe their sexual activity as “bi”. It’s their way of disowning or minimizing the part of themselves that’s attracted to men. It’s their way of saying “sure I have sex with guys, but at least I’m not one of them.”
This is enlightening. The extent of my understanding of this issue was that men who only performed as “tops” often identified as straight or bi, because only “bottoms” were the gay ones. After all, they were the ones getting penetrated. I didn’t realize how far that mindset went.
This makes sense. I was going to say “mostly bi” was said by someone that doesn’t understand what the words mean. I hadn’t considered self-deception as an explanation.
To shorthand (and not trying to offend accidentally), “Straight” means I like straight sex, “gay” means I like gay sex, and “bi” means I like both. So “mostly bi” means…what? “I mostly go with either gender?” There’s no other choice!
must be like shopping for clothes and asking the salesperson for a shirt in “extra medium.”
/Steven Wright
Typical bi-erasure bullshit. Wondered how long this thread would go before it showed up.
What?
It might have to do with romantic entanglement. Some people might be equally attracted to any gender, but have a preference for relationships, or romantic feelings toward, only one gender. So if you were equally sexually attracted toward men and women, but only could fall in love with men, I might see that described as mostly bi.
[QUOTE=Miller]
Typical bi-erasure bullshit. Wondered how long this thread would go before it showed up.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think panache was implying there are no real bisexuals. But let’s face it, some people who identify as bi are still trying to figure out their sexuality. My lesbian best friend went through it… she identified as bi in high school. She is still very occasionally attracted to men (usually androgynous men) but identifies now as lesbian. My other best friend’s wife also went through it… she thought she was bisexual, but as time passed, and she explored sexuality with women, she realized she was gay, and left him. It happens. It doesn’t erase all the bisexual or pansexual people, just adds some context and a possible explanation for what someone might mean by describing themselves as ‘‘mostly bi.’’
What is the difference between bisexual and pansexual? I hope this is not too much of a hijack.