Bi-erasure. In a nutshell, it’s the practice of denying that bisexual people are “really” bi, and insisting that people who identify as bi are fooling themselves/their partners about their actual sexual orientation. It usually comes in two, predictably gendered, flavors: bisexual women are “tourists” who are only dating women to be trendy, before they inevitably settle down in a heterosexual relationship, and bisexual men are really self-loathing gay men who need to get over their hang ups and admit they’re only into guys.
I truly am not really sure. I think it means bisexual + polyamorous. Paging Pantastic…
But panache was not saying all bisexauls are in denial, only that it’s a thing, especially for men, and that he’s known quite a few. And when you consider his age, he probably knows a lot of guys who just can’t quite admit to being gay. IIRC, you identify as bi, but you shouldn’t take this personally. I can’t imagine panache was talking about you.
Pansexual means not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. So, the whole enchilada, whereas bisexual is mostly just talking about the biological sex.
Huh? What exactly are the ingredients of that enchilada?
I think it goes something like this: if you ask me whether I want a red sweater or a blue sweater, and I say either one, I could be using two different thought processes. I might like the color red and the color blue, so I’m happy about either one (but maybe I strongly dislike green sweaters). Or, I might only care about the length or material, and the color isn’t even relevant. In terms of orientation there isn’t much in the way of “green sweaters” (maybe intersex people?), so the distinction is mostly academical.
I’m not bi- or pan-, so if I’m wrong someone please correct me. But that’s how I’ve understood it.
Is he polyamourous? I always assumed he was just really into bread.
At any rate, no, it’s nothing to do with polyamory. It’s about rejecting binary gender models. Some people feel that “bisexual” implies that there are only two genders. “Pansexual” indicates an openness to dating people who do not identify as part of the gender binary, or who don’t occupy a fixed position on it.
Granted, people who identify as pansexual tend to also identify as polyamorous, but there’s not a definitional link there.
ETA: Malleus’s metaphor is really good.
Ice cream. It’s an ice cream enchilada.
Chocolate or Vanilla?
Means being attracted to people, regardless of whether they were assigned male or female at birth, have male or female body parts, or feel themselves to be male or female. A bisexual man would be assumed to be attracted to women who were interested in men, and men who were interested in men. A much smaller subset of the pansexual outlook.
She (I think) is pansexual and has had poly relationships, IRRC.
Thanks for the clarification.
They are about 60/40 gay half the time and 60/40 straight for the other half. As a result they are more bi more of the time than either straight or gay. Or they may just want to see if you can get the joke.
FWIW, I bought into the “bi means you just haven’t figured it out yet,” and identified politically as a lesbian, so I briefly called myself that for about two years in my 20s, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I had no regrets about prior experiences with men, and I still felt attracted to them once in a while.
I have a lot of years of being bisexual under my belt, and I can’t explain “mostly bi,” unless it really means “It’s not a phase, even if I might date one gender exclusively for a while.”
Kinda like how I learned my lesson after trying to be a lesbian. I have been married to a man since 2001, and we have been completely monogamous, with no desire to stray, not even when we were separated while he was in Iraq, but I still recognize that ontologically, I am bisexual. It’s OK. My husband and I can share recognizing women as attractive, and it’s kind of cool. When I find a man attractive, I keep it to myself though-- well, around my husband, anyway.
If you’re straight/gay, it’s either chocolate or vanilla.
If you’re bi, it’s both chocolate and vanilla.
If you’re pansexual, then who cares? It’s ice cream. Let’s eat.
I think Abraham Lincoln said that.
It can be chocolate and vanilla or just chocolate, but never just vanilla.
See, it’s not that hard to keep up. 
That’s the most sensible thing anyone has posted in this thread! 
Remember that ice cream that had chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry in the same container? Do they still make that? I hated that stuff. I was happy with either chocolate or vanilla or both, but some of the strawberry inevitably sneaked in and ruined everything.
I guess that makes me bi-icecreamal, but not pan-icecreamal.
Oh, and “mostly bi?” I have no idea wtf that means. And count me amongst those that never assumed bisexual meant a 50/50 attraction.
I’ve always found it interesting that there are fewer people willing to self-identify that they are bisexual than gay. Instead, I hear terms like “omnisexual”. Somehow, there seems to be a non-committal element in bisexuality. Make up your mind!
It’s fascinating how something as seemingly simple as sex is ceaselessly complex. It’s variations and social interactions echo on and on and on forever. Maybe it’s a fractal?
I refer you back to my initial response to panache’s post. It’s inclusive to the points you raise here.