What does the bisexual community want us to know?

I was reading a bunch of articles about bisexuality yesterday. I guess the NYT came out with an article recently about the scientific quest to prove bisexuality exists. Bisexuals apparently hate this. Huffpost has a nice selection of articles on the topic.

So anyway, something I noticed when reading all this is that bisexuals spend a lot of time listing their complaints, but not so much time providing solutions, or awareness raising of much other than their problems.

I think the gay community does a pretty good job of explaining themselves and addressing people’s concerns, fears and misunderstandings. Bisexuals mostly complain. For example, a gay man might reject a bi man because he figures the bi guy just isn’t ready to admit he’s gay, or he’s a fence sitter just waiting for the right woman to come along and then it’s dump time.

Bi’s complain about this, but they don’t tell the rest of us why we shouldn’t fear these things.

So bisexuals, what do the rest of us need to know that will set our minds at ease?

Why should someone assume a bi guy is less monomagous or loyal than a gay guy? A bi guy could dump you at the first sign of a “hot” woman, but a gay guy can do the exact same thing when the next “hot” man comes along.

Sure, it’s bad enough you could get dumped at any time, but if the guy you love isn’t getting from you, something very deeply important and vital to his emotional and sexual needs, and you can never give him that, the thought of getting dumped over it cuts deep.

My mind is completely “at ease” with bisexuals. I I live in a pretty LBGT-friendly area, so maybe I’m missing something, but I’m not hearing many complaints from the bisexuals.

I I were attracted to people without regard to gender, I might be a bit offended if the NYT wanted to question my existence.

That’s nice. I feel like I’m at ease with bisexuals too. Except I only know one, and I’d never date him. According to what I’ve read, lots of people know straights and gays, but far fewer know any real bisexuals. According to some studies, there are more people who identify as bi than gay or lesbian, yet they’re largely invisible.

Me too.

Heh heh

The NYT isn’t questioning anybody, they are reporting on work done by others.

There is a very, very significant population of gay people who are convinced that bisexuals aren’t real.

I am a gay man who has no problem with bisexuals. In fact my partner describes himself as omnisexual. He can be attracted to anyone of any gender, age, ethnicity, weight, as long as they have mental or spiritual qualities that he finds attractive. He’s just as likely to point out a hot man or woman, and it’s no problem for either of us. And he’s equally comfortable with me being attracted exclusively to men. Before we met he had an extremely varied sexual history with all sorts of people, but as long as we’ve been together, he’s never missed being with women . . . or anyone else, for that matter.

Maybe that is the most important part of your post. Some people just like to complain, regardless if they’re complaining about being treated as bisexuals or by bisexuals.

Complainers complain. You find complainers of all kinds and in all groups.

But things like domestic violence against bi women is higher, and depression and suicide and drug and alcohol abuse rates are high, so clearly the community is underserved, and some awareness building is needed.

True, and the non-complainers (even bisexual ones) don’t hit your radar.

I’ve heard that. Maybe I’m being insensitive, but there are all kinds of assholes in the world. If a bisexual has to avoid a particular potential partner because of ignorant views, he or she can keep looking. Or educate the gay person who holds that view. Apparently many gay guys “came out” by telling themselves that they were bi, and later were able to admit they were gay. Therefore, they incorrectly assume that anyone who says they’re “bi” is simply on the road to admitting the “truth” of being gay. We all get in trouble assuming our personal journey can tell us everything we need to know about others. I would assume a 15 minute conversation would be sufficient to explain to such a person that you really, really, are bisexual. Someone’s inability to accept that would be a serious red flag.

That photo is priceless. It’s like they’re trying to figure out where that odd smell is coming from. “Oh hey the milk didn’t go bad! It’s just a bisexual!”

It goes without saying, but not getting to sleep with everyone you want isn’t a situation unique to monogamous bisexuals.

Just so I understand the terminology in use, how is that different from bisexual?

Where is this ‘community’ of which you speak? Is in anywhere near Kansas?

This Slate blogger Nathaniel Frank seems to make a similar point.

Comparing a preference for blondes over brunettes to something as deeply felt as gender preference seems overly simplistic and reminds me of the college-years idealism about an enlightened communist utopian vision where we all surrender our individualism and become some sort of floating brains who fall in love based on the beauty of our pure thoughts. It’s fun to contemplate, but falls flat, quickly and abruptly, when put to the test under real-life conditions.

But if we concede that bisexuals don’t have strong “gender preferences,” i.e., they are able to be attracted to men* and* women, then it’s closer to a prefence to “blondes over brunettes.” The main point is that everyone is settling for one set of features when they enter a relationship, and to say a bi person might feel later they’re missing out on the other gender is not that much different than a guy who like blondes (or Jews) getting uncomfortable after awhile in a relationship with a brunette (or non-Jew). A gay guy should be no more worried about his bi partner leaving him for a woman than his partner leaving him for a different man.

To be honest, it seems like you’re looking for a single, coherent message from all bisexuals when that doesn’t seem like a reasonable request.

Bisexuality - at least its current definition - isn’t a single group, but essentially a spectrum. You’ll have some people identify as bi because they once made out with another girl in college, others who seem to go through a phase that doesn’t last, and others who really want some sort of polyamory with partners of both genders. As long as the label “bisexual” can still be applied to all of them, there’s no single message that can come from that group. In fact, about all you’re going to get are arguments that fall into the “true Scotsman” category where we throw out every data point that might disprove any particular definition.

Maybe someone will come up with a bunch of different labels to break bisexuality into sub-groups and then each sub-group can define a political agenda… but that would take a lot more understanding of the brain and its sexual wiring than we’re likely to have any time soon.

“What does the bisexual community want us to know?”

That there’s a bisexual community? (Is there a bisexual community?) That they’re available? That they want to see everybody naked? Well, just the pretty ones? That there seems to be a continuum between “totally gay” and “totally straight” on which everybody resides, possibly making bisexuality more “normal” than either?

Right. So, gays should pursue acceptance by making everyone gay? Won’t work.

Should bi’s create a community and restrict themselves to bi’s only? They seem to bitch because the rest of us aren’t as bi as they are.