Man, now I want to try a Manhattan.
Well… OK, I’ll admit this one in a million person exists. And if someone comes in and doesn’t look at the wine list, and asks if we have a bottle of 2008 Brocade Chablis Grand Cru, and asks for a glass of ice and a pitcher of Sprite to go with it - have at it, hoss.
If, however, someone comes in, gets the wine list, and orders the most expensive white wine (which happens to be, in this example, the 2008 Brocade Chablis Grand Cru) and asks for it to be made into a spritzer with Sprite, I’m going to go out on a limb and say they aren’t this miracle of discernment to whom you are referring. 
Which reminds me of my friend who ran a fine wines store. A woman came in whose husband was a contractor. She was holding a very dusty bottle of over 100 year old port he had found behind a wall. When he bought it off her for a fair, though hard nosed price, she said they had found two bottles, but had drank the first. He almost cried when she said “it was a bitty funny, it had all these bits in the bottom, but it tasted right special with a drop of lemonade.”
My drink of choice is a single-malt Scotch, neat. More often than not that means Glenlivet because I like the taste and it’s common enough that most bars have it on the shelf. My reason for settling on this as my go-to drink had nothing to do with gaining credibility, though. It’s because a shot of whisky in a glass is *almost *impossible for a bartender to screw up.
2 parts good rye (Try Sazerac or Russell’s Reserve, although I’ve made decent Manhattans with Old Overholt)
1/2 - 1 part sweet vermouth
2-3 dashes Angostura bitters
Stir with ice, strain into chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a cherry.
Plankton, it’s the “almost” that will get you every time. I once had a bartender in San Antonio serve me, at a very fancy place, 18 year old Macallan on the rocks!
Words were spoken.
Yeah, if I were going to judge, I’d say “tool” - but again, you never know. And I have to defend my Woodford and Coke. There is probably someone out there who really does LIKE cement mixers and isn’t it it for the “gross” and “sloppy drunk fast.” Not that I’ve met them, but if that is what they actually like. I think a lot of scotch tastes like “peaty lighter fluid” myself. Not that I haven’t - on occasion - enjoyed a glass of peaty lighter fluid.
We did a port tasting a while ago, and discovered we liked “middle aged” ports best.
I have no problem with Woodford and Coke. You’re drinking it because you like it. You are asking for Woodford and Coke, not asking for “your most expensive bourbon” and Coke. And Bourbon is better with coke. Or whatever else Americans and small children drink.
I kid. I kid because I love.
That’s so tacky. If you are going to spend that kind of money to impress a girl, you should just find yourself a nice respectable prostitute.
The quote is actually from the movie Swingers. Jon Favereau’s character is trying to look sophisticated by ordering a scotch (from the free drink waitress in a crappy Vegas casino). He clearly has no idea what he’s talking about and is just babbling scotch sounding buzzwords (I don’t think there is anything actually called a Glen Galley).
I’m going to disagree with you on this one. A bit of water open up the flavors and smooth out a single malt. It’s got to be good water or a couple cube of pure ice, but there’s nothing wrong with enhancing a good scotch or bourbon with a bit of ice.
From the customers point of view you generally have only one option and no control.
That isn’t remotely what msmith said. Unlike Fenris, he isn’t waving his e-penis going on about how awesome and secure he is, but instead is addressing the topic in a thoughtful way. Again, completely opposite of Fenris.
I’ve always had good luck ordering doubles. Double Maker’s, neat. Double Lagavulin, neat. Good luck meaning a pour that’s more than fair. I think the bartenders either figure I’ll be a good tipper, perhaps respect the order, or have less experience counting to six than three. Regardless, a fat pour is always worth it for the bartender if I’m the guy on the stool - though perhaps the owner is getting screwed out of a few bucks.
The nice thing about a double is that I know I’m going to order two anyhow, so I have the potential of getting the above perk plus not having to wait a second time at the bar.
I’ve got drink cred for you mofos.
Triple shot of Patron silver, neat, in a brandy snifter. If there is a heat lamp, I’ll take it fresh off the light. Omniscient, I double dare you to tell me I don’t bask in the drink cred of the gods.
I just started drinking again after many years of not drinking. As a kid, I drank Domsky Vodka and Wild Irish Rose. No one can tell me I haven’t graduated to the snob leagues!
Right, exactly. It’s silly to spend more on a top-shelf liquor when it’s to be mixed with, say, corn-syrup soda or orange juice from concentrate anyway.
Wouldn’t put that past this one.
You know, keeping a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue (The blue is the one that’s $60 a shot, right? or is that green?) behind the bar would prevent people from doing this more than once . . .
So, is cider sufficiently manly, or not? (Outside of the UK, that is. I’m relyably informed it considered sufficiently manly there) It is sweet and sticky, but most kids don’t know it exists, so that might make it ok.
How about Sambuca? Black if possible. Also sweet and sticky, but you’ve got that whole Godfather thing going for you. Maybe if you ask for it with ‘Do you have any anisette?’
I have learned that if you must order a non-beer in a microbrewery, (and I must, as I’ve always found beer to taste rather like the broth that would result from boiling Stron Thurmond’s ass for several days) it’s best to be a visibly apologetic.
Also, (and this is from observation, not experience) a Red Death ordered anywhere but a goth club will come with a free look of withering contempt from the bartender. After he goes and looks it up.
And a second for the pineapple juice. I mean, where else do you find it that’s not a bar?
Hey! Just because I’m a geek, doesn’t mean I can’t rock a pencil skirt if the need arises!
Though finding them in my size is difficult.
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“Ok, what do you have that’s light and sweet? Just get me whatever you’d get a 13 year old Japanese schoolgirl.”
You aren’t even in the ballpark: lazylightning.org - This website is for sale! - lazylightning Resources and Information.
Oh, I know there’s more expensive stuff available, but a bottle of JW blue is a moderate investment, and shares a name with much more reasonably priced stuff. So when you reply “Well, we have Johnnie Walker Blue. It’s a bit pricy, though.” The douchebag won’t realize what trouble he’s in until he’s like $300 bucks in the hole.
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‘Douche’ is in the spellchecker. ‘Douchebag’ is not. Which is odd, as it’s a much more common word.
A couple of thoughts:
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Everyone who says “drink what you like” and “order what you want to drink without shame” makes sense to me.
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This means: invest some time trying a few things and go through a process to decide what you like. Then see point #1 above
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However - while all of that R&D is going on, you should have two different “automatic drinks” that you have rehearsed and can order:
[ul]A Work drink - something straightforward and easy that you feel comfortable rattling off without fumbling in a stressful work-dinner situation. For example “vodka martini - Kettle One (or some brand you like) - olives - dirty” or “a cab you offer by the glass” or “a Sam Adams” (or some other beer). Here you want something that is easy to say, not flashy, and sounds like you know what you are talking about in a way that does not draw attention to yourself - you need a drink, so order it and get back to the business talk[/ul]
[ul]A Date drink - something you enjoy that minimizes your stress. You like Rum & Coke? Order a freakin’ R&C/Cuba Libre and be done with it. You want something that is NOT a statement - it should be something that is simple, easy and not a focal point of the conversation or crafting your image. It’s just a drink - pay attention to your date.
[/ul]
My $.02
Hey **MeanOldLady **- since I look to you for all of my anonymous message-board approbations when it comes to alcohol 
how’d I do?
Very nice. Your work drink should not be “cute” or have a reputation of getting you drunk. You don’t do shots for your work drink.
You may also choose to have a “hanging out with friends” drink which may be your coworkers. If that involves a blender, or six shots of various liquor or 4 Loco - go for it. Your friends are your friends, if they like you any less because you drink appletinis, they really weren’t your friends to start with.
For all my talk of top shelf neat booze, I walk into a new (to me) bar late this afternoon and inquire about any specials/happy hour.
“mumble mumble pitchers of Genesee Cream Ale.” (a quaffable C+ beer)
“How much?”
“$1.”
Well, that’s the only time I’ll have been know to tip 200%.
Sweet. My (apparent?) reputation as town drunk is finally paying off. Now then, if you are in the rare situation in which you must order a drink – and really (I’m going to interrupt myself now), how many times have you been in a position where you have to order an alcoholic beverage? No one is going to sneer at you for ordering something else. If you are so unfamiliar with the happy sauce that you can’t order a simple drink, then don’t order one. Coffee is fine. Yes, there may be that rare Power Dinner where everyone is ordering scotch or gin, and you don’t want to be That Guy who gets the Shirley Temple, but for the most part, if you seriously drink so little that you can’t come up with a drink to order that doesn’t make you look like a weirdo, then don’t drink. Get water or tea or something. You’ll be fine.
Now, if you have to order a drink, I’d say the date and work rule should be the same: just order something that doesn’t make you look like a complete douche. Don’t order the most complicated, expensive, fruity, or whatever else drink on the planet. Don’t ask for “wine.” Know what you want, and if you don’t know yet, just order a G&T and be done with it.
So in short, I’d say your suggestions are fine.