I hve woken up at 6:00 on my day off and got up and started getting ready to go to work. I have also woken up at 6:00 on a work day and gone back to sleep, thinking "I don’t have to work today.
I now keep my two sided quilt on the purple side for non-work days and the pattened side for work days so I can tell at a glance which way I am going.
I threw away my beard trimmer after the morning that I went to touch up my moustache and ran it through one side before I realized that the guard was still in my hand. I had to present that morning, and one guy held his finger to his upper lip for the entire time that I was standing.
Dream logic, eh? I used to have a recurring anxiety dream in which I’d remember that I’d forgotten bodies in the basement of a previous address – and I’d wake up and sweat about it for a while before remembering that no, actually, I hadn’t really hidden any bodies in oil drums and somehow let it slip my mind.
I got up in the middle of the night to pee. I was so tired when I got back to my bedroom that I just flopped down onto the bed. While in mid-flop, I decided to review how I had spent my evening. “Ah yes”, I told myself, “I rearranged the bedroom. Now where did I put that pesky bed? Oh yeah, over there, in a place that is decidedly not underneath my currently airborn body.”
The quiet sound that immediately followed the Very Loud one could best be described as “stunned silence.”
I once woke up and a took a piss on a white, kitchen-style garbage can near the door to my bedroom, mistaking it for a toilet.
Without flipping the lid up.
I love you guys.
Sprained my ankle. BAD.
I was just sorta dozing on the couch, and I finally realized, okay, even though it’s only 6 PM, you might as well go to sleep. So I stood up, took a step, and on the second step, for no good reason and on level ground, I stepped completely wrong. My right foot folded over sideways, my full weight went down on my ankle, and I fell over in serious pain.
That sprain took months to heal. And all because I was too sleepy to walk properly.
I did that once… uniform T shirt… inside out and BACKWARDS.
Thankfully I realized it as soon as I got to work. Sadly, a coworker saw me realize it and the secret got out.
Friend of mine suffered a similar mishap. Used his trimmer, set quite short, on his head, then absent-mindedly ran it through his beard without resetting it. Then he tried to “fix” it by trimming the other side to match. By the time he got everything evened out, he looked like he had half a brown tennis ball glued to his chin.
Me, I do the usual stupid clumsies - most recently walked into my husband’s shaving mirror, which extends out a bit from the wall. Yes, I saw it sticking out. For some half-asleep reason, I thought it would see me coming and get out of the way.
The one I never let my wife forget: we were in bed. She rolled over, poked me (hard), and said “You just don’t get it, do you?”
I, of course, had no idea what she was talking about, and said so (rather blurrily, I imagine).
She sits up straight in bed, fixes me with the scariest glare I’ve ever seen, and yells, “You just don’t understand the difference between light and dark chocolate!”
Which of course earned her a blank stare, followed by laughter, and she looked at me all puzzled and said, “What were we talking about?”
Priceless. We still haven’t figured out what dream led to that outburst.
For myself, I once ran around the neighborhood in only a pair of shorts, frantically trying to find my then-6-year-old son, who had wandered out of the house while I was sleeping - dammit, I knew I should have installed some sort of child-proof locks! We live on an arterial, he could be anywhere, he could be lying in a pool of blood on the road, he could, he could…
He could be spending the night at his grandmother’s, you half-wit. Go back to bed.
Oh yeah. That one was fun to explain to the cops (and the neighbor who called them). :smack:
I woke up around 4am, went to the bathroom, and my hub heard me and decided it was a good time to come to bed. (He’d been up late playing World of Warcraft.) I watched him open the cabinet of our headboard where he keeps the control for his side of the heated mattress pad, and apparently earnestly explained to him that I had turned his “frying pan” on earlier when I went to bed.
I live in a dorm. Normally, I wear plastic flip-flops in the shower (because there’s a certain, inevitable ‘ick’ factor to dorm showers). Wednesday morning, my brain decided to skip the step where I trade my slippers (nice, thick, plush) for said flips prior to showering. sigh By the time I realized, they were soaked, so I just kept them on for the rest of the shower.
I’ve also messed up coffee in every conceivable way (it works best if you A) put a filter in before the grounds, B) remember the grounds, C) remember water, D) put the carafe in place, E) don’t unplug the machine, and F) use sugar. Not salt.)
Ewww, I’ve done the sugar/salt thing! Disgusting! The worst part? It was at Thanksgiving dinner, we were at my aunt’s house, and my MOM gave me the container! Who keeps salt in a foot tall Tupperware container with a four inch diameter, anyway!
That reminds me. When I was about 12, I sleepily went to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The toilet seat and lid were always down. (Mom’s rule: equal inconvenience for all). So in one quick motion, I flipped open the toilet lid, lifted the seat with one hand, pulled out Pinky the Monster with the other hand, and let fly with all the might of my full bladder.
Due to towels piled high on the tank, the toilet seat and lid instantly crashed back down. CLUNK! Closed.
“Stupid thing. I hope that didn’t wake anyone up.” I thought as I stood there… still peeing. Then I flushed and went back to bed.
I’ve spread toothpaste on my comb in the morning. Didn’t get it in my hair, but still . …
Naps and me do not get along. I love them, but they don’t love me. For example, when I was in high school, my older sister and I shared a room. I had taken a nap and woke up when the phone rang. I went downstairs to answer, and see that it’s almost 7:00 (this was in winter, when it stays dark until 8 or so). I immediately start worrying. School starts at 7:21. I’m not dressed, I don’t have makeup on, where the hell is my bookbag? Crap, no time to shower. All this as I answer the phone.
It’s my soon-to-be brother-in-law calling for my sister. He asks if he can talk to her, and I tell him she’s probably still asleep. And ask why he’s calling so early. He asks if she’s taking a nap or something, and I say (in the slow, condescending tones one uses for someone who’s being stupid), “She just hasn’t gotten up yet. I gotta go get ready for school, but I’ll leave her a note that you called.”
More completely confused dialogue ensued, with neither of us understanding what the other person was saying… until I FINALLY figured out that it was night, not morning. Oh, he laughed at me for that one.
The “sleepy from the baby” story reminded me of my faux pas in that menal state.
Our townhouse had two parking spaces. Normally this was fine but my mother-in-law was visiting and had taken one of the two. So, I had to put my sedan across the front of the unit, so that it formed a rough “T” shape across from our normal spaces.
I got up, sleepy from my newborn, and prepared to go to work. I left the front door, walked down the sidewalk, walked complete around my sedan, got into my wife’s compact car, and promptly reversed directly into my sedan’s door.
The **SMASH **sound is an effective substute for coffee…
Back when I was in school, I had my alarm set for (something like) 6:45 AM. Once I woke up on my own, glanced at the clock, and “saw” that it was 6:40. Figured it wasn’t worth going back to sleep for five minutes, so out of bed and into the shower I went. I felt really tired, for some reason - this was gonna be a long day.
Only when I was getting dressed did I note that it was approaching 2:00 AM. Seems that in my half-asleep haze I’d focused too much on the minutes field and not enough on the hour. I’d only been in bed for a couple of hours, which explained why I felt so crappy.
I did exactly the same thing once, at midnight. I’d been running myself ragged and assumed that was why the shower wasn’t helping me wake up.
The laundry is in a small area off the kitchen and just a few days ago I caught myself putting a package of frozen strawberries in the dryer having just carried them right past the freezer.