I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in about a week for all sorts of reasons, and I’m starting to do some really ridiculous things.
For lunch, I tried to make myself a plate of soup. Opened the can of soup, took out a plate, dumped the soup into the plate. Needless to say, I spent the next ten minutes mopping soup off the floor, the counter, and that fun inaccessible space between the counter and the stove. And I’m pretty sure my cat was laughing at me.
Please, someone, top this story and make me feel better!
Can’t top it, but apparently the other night while I was hard asleep my husband nudge me to try to get a little more of the blanket and my response was to yell out, “I didn’t do it!” and roll over. At least he got his covers back.
First off, the JESUS RETURNS google ads are amusing me. And reminds me that one time, I woke up to getting jabbed in the forehead with a claw (thanks, devil cat), and my first thought was “is that Jesus?”
Second, I’m taking antibiotics for a sinus infection, and am supposed to take them every 8 hours. Probably not coincidentally, my breathing is right now the best I can ever remember it, so I wore my TMJ nightguard for the first time in ages the other night (usually it makes breathing hard so I don’t like to wear it). Anyway, yesterday morning I was supposed to take my antibiotic at 5.30 am, but when the alarm went off, I was so disturbed by the presence of something in my mouth that I couldn’t figure out how to take the pills. I remember thinking that it must be ice and I would just wait for it to melt.
I screwed up my computer in a half-awake, half-drunk haze. I was somehow convinced there was a PDA on my desk charging up and getting ready to overheat and catch on fire. I tried to unplug it from the computer’s USB port, but couldn’t because the PDA wasn’t really there. I settled for fumbling with the power button, managing to hard reboot the machine multiple times in the middle of the boot process before finally unplugging it. The computer wouldn’t boot the next morning.Was a pain to get it working again.
I used an entire roll of paper towels a couple days ago. I dropped my dinner of frozen pizza on the floor, had to mop up splattered sauce. I then spilled my can of coke all over my rug. Finally, for dessert, I decided to make a banana milkshake (they’re turning brown) and I left the lid off the blender and coated a good part of my counters and floor.
I had just moved into a new house that was right on the main road through town (small town). At about 1:00am, I woke up to red and blue lights flashing in my room. Now, of course, it was just a cop that had a car pulled over on the road in front of my house. But, in my half asleep mind, I said to myself, “Oh, shit, they’re here to get me.”
I jumped up, grabbed my wallet, and hit the back door. I had ran about 50 yards before I woke up enough to realize what I was doing.
mismatched socks were a common occurrence in those times when I wore socks. And I am talking white and black kinda mismatched.
Once I was putting toothpaste in my brush when a mosquito flew by and I swatted it. With the hand where I had the toothpaste. It takes a lot of time to take toothpaste from the walls.
I don’t know if I’ve related this story before or not, but this is the perfect place for it.
I had just moved into a new house and was living by myself. I remeber hearing a scratch on the door outside my bedroom. I don’t know if I dreamt it or not, but it woke me and I went to investigate. I had checked all the rooms in the house and was standing in the middle of my living room when I finally woke up enough to have a look at myself.
There I was in front of a large window in my living room with all the lights on in my house at about two in the morning. I wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing and was holding my 5’ claymore like some kind of medevial warrior. I really hope that none of my neighbors decided to look out of their window at that moment.
This isn’t as good as some of the ones already mentioned but there have been several times lately when I’ve been in bed, half awake, and wondered what that strange repetitive sound was. It always turns out to be the ticking of my clock, though it sounds different when half-asleep.
My co-worker came in to the office wearing mis-matched shoes one morning.
While half-asleep, I dropped a cup of coffee on my area rug. What’s that you say? Not at all odd? Well, normally no. Anyone can accidentally lose their grip and drop something, but that’s not what I did. I was walking across the living room and thought to myself: “Oh, this thing in my hand is hot. I should put it down…” and I just leg go of it.
Coffee all over my priceless (read: Ikea) rug, and I burned my foot.
I’m always half asleep at the moment, thanks to a teething baby who wakes up 2-3 times a night lately.
This week, I made coffee at work and forgot to put the lid on the pot, so the coffee went ALL over the place. Luckily, my co-workers like me.
Last night, I tried to put the cream cheese in the sink and the dirty knife in the trash.
When my son was a newborn and I was incredibly sleep-deprived, he was fussing while my husband was holding him - I looked over and said “Just shake him and he’ll stop crying.”. (I meant for him to kind of rock him in his arms…and it came out ‘shake him’ .)
I put the butter in the freezer.
And my husband’s favorite - I was telling him about something I’d seen on TV, and said “And the mans goed”. The awful thing is, I typically have excellent grammar and spelling skills, so God only knows how that phrase came out of my mouth.
Orange juice really isn’t quite the best thing to have with your cereal. It’s not a nice mix of flavors. Really. I’ve done it twice that I can remember, now. And once it wasn’t until I wondered why the Frosted Flakes tasted so sour that I figured out what I’d done.
When half-asleep, making coffee seems to be an enormously complex task. I have done all of these things:
[ul]
[li]Forgotten to put water in Mr Coffee [most common occurrence and easily rectified].[/li][li]Forgotten to grind the beans. I just the unground beans straight into the filter, ran the coffee maker, and got extremely weak coffee as a result.[/li][li]In my most befuddled state, I put water in the machine, ground the beans, then proceeded to pour the grounds into the water reservoir. I fortunately came to my senses before I turned on the machine.[/li][/ul]
