Funny things people say/do while asleep

Apologies if this thread has been done receltly - I don’t remember having ever seen this topic come up!
I recall my aunt telling me once that my cousin got up in the middle of the night and peed all over the front of the TV.

I walked upstairs one night and heard this God-awful sound, like a cross between a cat beeing stepped on and a pig squealing. I walked into my brother’s room and he was sitting straight up in bed, going RAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAWWWWWWW!!!

My boyfriend says really funny stuff when I wake him up. He’s in this zone where he’s mostly asleep but a little bit awake. One time when I woke him up he said, “The ball has numbers on it!”.

Another time, he pretty much yelled at me “I didn’t wanna go ALL THE WAY BACK THERE to get your report card!” When I asked him what the hell he was talking about he responded, “I’m sorry about your speedometer.”
Anyone else have funny stories to share?

Funny now, but frightening back then…

I once woke up to my husband sitting on top of me and trying to choke me. I kid you NOT! He was sound asleep and I couldn’t wake him up. Finally, I managed to wrench my body and throw him off the bed, where conked his head. At this point he woke up and asked me what the hell was going on. I promptly informed him of his actions. He freaked out and was apologizing all over the place. I refused to sleep in the same bed for two nights after that!

Too many to number. I’m a narcoleptic, and when I sleep, I sleep EXTREMELY deeply, and I’m very hard to rouse. (Note: this is different from being very hard when a-roused. The latter is fun, the former sucks).

I’ve been known to carry on a 20 minute conversation with someone in the room, while mentally asleep. He said later (when asking me about it) that I mostly made sense, except for “the part about the air tubes”.

What air tubes? Hell if I know.

An old friend’s dad told me about the time his brother sat up in bed in the middle of the night, sound asleep, sang two complete verses of the Star Spangled Banner, and lay back down.

The most exciting one I’ve ever had to deal with was the time I narrowly prevented my then-3-year-old son from peeing on his sister.

My husband talks in his sleep about his job. All the time. (I tease him about the fact that even his * dreams * are boring!)

In the middle of the night, he will say to me, “Did you get the file I left on your desk?”

“Yes, I did,” I’ll reply, playing along.

“Did you return it? I can’t find it! Where is it!” He’ll actually sound panicky sometimes.

“It fell on the floor,” I’ll tell him. I guess he follows my cues in his dreams because he’ll smile and relax, most likely happily clutching the file in Dreamland.

It happens pretty frequently. Considering I don’t know a lot of his job jargon, I think I play along pretty well, trying to give reponses which I think will soothe him. I’ve often wondered if I mischeviously said that I had lost the PMRGT report, if he’d plummet into a nightmare.

Oh, dear. I am the talking and acting out in my sleep person, but I’m not the only one in my family! I thnk it started when I was a teen, and my dad would stand over my bed and holler until I was conscious. I learned to hold him off for a bit by PRETENDING to be conscious. Every time he came in the room, I would talk to him so he would think I was awake, then he’d go away for awhile. That stopped the morning he said, “Are you up?” and I replied, “With potatoes.”

My best friend called me one day whilst I was napping on the sofa. I answered the phone and apparently talked for a few seconds normally, then said, “It all has to do with Rick’s brother’s balloon.” My friend said, “What? Are you awake?” I said, “Yeah, hang on. It’s just I need to wake up.” She’s been teasing me about this for about four years now.

Another time, I sat bolt upright in bad and punched the WryGuy right in the nose. I woke up JUST as I connected, and I couldn’t help cracking up, despite the fact that I hit him pretty hard. Fortunately for him, I’m right-handed and I threw the punch left-handed, so it was a weak one. Still, he certainly wasn’t expecting that! he says I occasionally talk in my sleep, but that I generally make no sense. What a shocker, eh?

Now, back when we were kids, my younger sister was the Disturbed Sleeper. She once got up, walked down the hall and into the living room, pulled her skitters down and sat on the sofa. My mother and I were watching a late-night movie and Mom yelled, “GAH! Grab her, she thinks she’s in the bathroom!” Another time, I followed her sleepwalking to the bathroom, and watched as she pulled her pants down, sat on the edge of the tub, peed, wiped herself and threw the paper into the tub, then walked across the bathroom and FLUSHED THE TOILET!

Once my friend Bob, who was sleeping in the passanger seat of my car, sat bolt upright and stated “The gills have to be bright pink or it’s just not fresh”, than he promptly sat back down and went back to sleep. He still refuses to believe this.

Also, I had an ex-girlfriend pop me in the nose reaching for a ringing telephone in her dream.

On a camping trip my wife and I shared a tent with my parents. Apparently we carry on conversations in our sleep.

According to my mother I started the conversation by exclaiming something about the price of gasoline. My wife responded by asking me how many gallons would fit in the weed whacker. Switching gears completely I said it was too damp in the basment to walk the dog (we don’t own a dog). My wife then started making cooing noises and said “Here kitty, kitty, kitty!” a number of times. I started giggling, then my wife started giggling. After the laughter subsided we were quiet.

I’ve contemplated setting up a voice activated record in the bedroom to see if this is a common occurance, but haven’t done so yet.

Only once(that I’m aware of) have I done something out of the ordinary when asleep.

So I’m on a school trip to France. One night after everyone had gone to sleep(myself included) I got up, wandered over to the door in our hotel room, and tried for a good 5 minutes to get it open. (It was locked- luckily I didn’t think to, you know, unlock it). I start cursing up a storm while doing this. One of the girls I was rooming with finally wakes up and asks me what I’m doing. I’m all “Um…I don’t know.” Went back to bed. Never sleptwalked(?) before in my life. Never happened again. Bizarre.

Usually, d_redguy is the interesting sleeper in our house. (He has a funny story, too, if you can get him to tell it.) Apparently, I was the fun one last night. Well, actually it was today, cuz we sleep during the day and are up at night, but blah, blah…anyway- According to him, I was very restless and was swinging my legs up and kicking him repeatedly. He was not amused and kept asking me to stop. I would mumble something at him, then do it again a few minutes later. Finally, he told me that if I did it again, he was going to sleep on the couch. Immediately following that statement- you guessed it- I kicked him. He slept on the couch. I don’t know why I did it. I have no memory of the events. It can’t be that I wanted him to sleep on the couch, cuz I hate it when he does that. I guess I had a jolly time kicking him around though.:smiley:

Once, I awoke to my husband tenderly kissing his way down my forearm towards my hand. When he reached it, he suddenly * bit * down, hard! I bellowed, and he jerked awake. “Did I just do that?” he asked.

“YES!” I said, rubbing my wounded hand. “Were you dreaming you were the Vampire Lestat, or something?”

He couldn’t remember, and we still laugh about it. There I was, smiling and thinking about how sweet his kisses were, and then-- CHOMP!

My twin brother has quite the problem with talking in his sleep and thrasing about. He was sleeping on the couch while I was on the computer, and he called me over. I thought he was awake, because when I looked down at him, he stared back at me as lucid as anyone. He said to me, “The thing about shaving is…” and he blinked a few times, as if gathering his thoughts. He tried again, “You have an electric shaver, and…” but he got lost again. I asked him what he was talking about, and he shook his head, frustrated. He looked at me again, and I could tell he was a little clearer now. He regarded me a little contemptuously and said, “If you don’t know what I’m talking about…” I told him he could tell me about it in the morning. That seemed to satisfy him, and he fell back asleep. The next day he remembered none of it, and admitted he was probably trying to cover his ass at the end.

When we were younger and he slept in a bunk bed with my older brother, he could be heard yelling, “Susan…Susan! SUSAN!!” But the next day, he couldn’t remember it. He must have been mad at me for something I did in his dream.

Oh, and he smacked me in the face once while we were sharing a bed staying at my grandmother’s house.

Back in college, my friend Catherine called me at about 3:00 AM one morning for help on a take-home physics exam. I patiently explained the problem she was working on, then walked her through the rest of the exam…then started asking why she had ridden a horse into my room to ask about a test. She could have ridden the goat and not have to duck coming through the door. I was, in fact, entirely asleep, and she couldn’t get me to wake up. When I woke, I thought it was just a bizarre dream until she confirmed it.

She turned in the test anyway, BTW. She got an A on it, which I’m inordinately proud of.

On a long-ago camping trip, an old GF of mine engaged in a long theological debate with someone she referred to as “Brother Francis” in her sleep. It was quite surreal.

In high school, one night I had a pretty erotic dream (I think – I can’t remember it, really). It was so erotic that I had started sleepwanking. Well, I was kinda sleepwanking. I was still in my shorts, and my hand was grasping air. I was pretty much pounding myself in the groin (and holy cow, did that hurt!).

Another time in high school, I must have had a dream where my alarm clock went off, and it was time for me to get ready for school. I managed to sleepwalk my way into the bathroom, out of my clothes, and turn on the shower. The water woke me, but I was so disorientated that I assumed I really was supposed to get ready. I was confused for a couple minutes when I got back to my room and my clock said it was just after midnight.

My only college instance of this I don’t remember at all. Thankfully, I had a roommate who did. He said I sat straight up in bed and told him, “I think we’re out of printer ink. I’ll go to the store.” I promptly went back to sleep.

Well, I had a dream a few years ago where a dog was chasing me. Right as he jumped to bite me, I kicked him – at which point I woke up to a resounding boom and a hole in the wall from my knee.

My dad says that one time I said I was chasing ponies.

I’m told I have animated conversations in what sounds like an archaic foreign language of some kind.

I’m (pretty) sure it’s gibberish, but I’ve managed to mildly creep out a couple of different partners.

My mum tells me I laugh in my sleep. I don’t actually remember laughing, but I do have funny dreams. :stuck_out_tongue: Mum also tells me that when I was younger I used to start jumping up and down on the bed in the middle of the night. Don’t remember that either.

I get really confused when I wake up. I have my alarm clock, telephone, and cell phone right by my bed, and I’m always picking up the wrong one when one of them rings.

My parent’s haven’t told me about this for a while, but I’m going off what they said (and told EVERYONE) for a few years after it happened.

When I was little I once sleepwalked down two flights of stairs (into the basement) and started going towards the dryer. My parents were still up and watched me walk down the basement stairs and towards the dryer. They were freaked out that I was going to fall down the stairs. Anyways, my mom asked me what I was doing, and I said I had to go get the “----------------” (I’m not quite sure what ------------------- is. It was some alien name, Zargons, I think). Apparently these “Zargons” hid in dryers, and I had to go shoot them. I don’t remember a bit of it.

Later, in high school, I woke up, turned off my alarm, went downstairs and started getting my cereal out and stuff. This is my normal wakeup routine. While pouring the cereal into the bowl, my mom came downstairs in her nightgown (she’s never up this early) and looked at me. The following conversation ensued:
Her: Eric, what are you doing?
After my inital shock of seeing her, I said: Getting ready to go to school
Her: Do you know what TIME it is?
Me: Yeah, 5:50… my alarm just went off.
Her: Honey, look at the microwave (which is right in front of me).

I look and see the clock says 12:15. I go back to bed. When I get up the next day, I wake up late (because I turned the alarm off earlier), and the whole episode seems like a dream. My mom talked about it all the next day.

That’s all I can remember offhand.

I was once awoken to my ex poking me in the side. She informed me in a very irate tone that I had taken HER pillow! I was, understandably I hope, confused but I gave her my pillow (which was identical in every way to the one she was sleeping on) which seemed to calm her down and she went right back to sleep. No recollection of it the next morning.

I’ve also had that little problem with being woken up a little to early. This is back in my first year of university. I had just gone to bed at 10 or so in the evening (not sure why so early – I normally go to sleep at midnight to 3am) and immediately fell into a deep sleep. My phone rang 15 minutes later and I stumbled out of bed to answer it (quite the feat, given I was sleeping in a loft bed). I was completely asleep at the time and it took about 5 minutes before my friend on the other side asked if I was feeling ok. I was totally convinced, when I woke up, that I had slept through the night and through the entire next day. I had to go and dunk my head in cold water before I could continue the conversation. It was a little surreal…

Ahhh, I love the smell of a really good thread!

I tried to record myself with a camcorder to see if I do or say anything in my sleep but it wasn’t mine and I couldn’t figure out how to turn off the stupid power saver which shut it off if nothing gets done in 15 minutes. Someday I’ll figure it out. Unfortunately it seems all I do, or have ever done, is sleep. Anyway my Grandma (who’s now 89) has begun having conversations in her sleep. Real long ones with relative and friends she hasn’t seen in years. It’s just fascinating to listen to her. Unfortunately one night at about 3 am I was awoken by very loud banging on the wall. Now this had happened before. The wind blew, the windows shook, the door rattled and my Grandma had a vivid dream a crook was trying to break in and kill her. So I leapt out of bed to go and try and calm her down. The door was locked so I got the flathead and unlocked it and forced my way in to try and help her and holy crap was she pissed at me. She had dreamed that I had tried to break into her bedroom and attack her and there was absolutely no way she was wrong. She cussed me out for a good hour. She was so mad at me she was shaking. Sigh.

Now it was my dad who had the peeing dream. Peed right on my mom who was sleeping. My sister was the roller and would roll out of beds, once the top of a bunk bed, thunk to the floor and sleep right through it.

But those conversations my Grandma has are so interesting. I keep hoping she’ll say something that she’s consciously forgot. Like who her Grandparents were or speak in Italian which she’s forgotton. Nothing yet just books she given away and inquiries aboutmy neices.