Share your funny sleep talking stories

My sweetie just rolled over towards me and clearly said:

Him: I was going to say: I remember it being bigger…
gracer: [stifling giggle]
Him: … but actually I think it’s about the same as usual.
gracer: [barely controlling laughter] What is the same as usual, darling?
Him: [lifts his sleepy head in sudden understanding] Oh dear, I’m asleep, aren’t I?
gracer: Yes sweetie, you’re asleep. Now what’s the same size as usual after all?
Him: [falling asleep again, mumbling] The bedroom, of course.
gracer: :confused:

I used to write down things he said in his sleep, so I wouldn’t forget. I’ll see if I remember some more later. Anyone else have a funny sleep talker whose talking they can share?

Pro tip: when they start sleep talking, ask questions. They usually answer them. Sort of.

I talk in my sleep. My husband tells me so. Usually, I don’t believe him, but last week, I was very stressed and woke up in the middle of our conversation.

I was telling him Cassy, our 13 year old, spayed cat was having her kittens under my pillow. I was afraid I was going to hurt them if I didn’t move.
I guess, I’d awakened him by commandeering his pillow and crowding his side of the bed.

I woke up, sitting half way up to him laughing at me.

I also walk in my sleep occasionally. Once, I woke up at the front door, naked. Touching the cold knob woke me.

Another time I woke up standing on my pillow, looking out the window, because the alarm was going off and I thought it was the garbage truck backing into our back yard, an impossible task.

I don’t know what I was dreaming, but I got lost in our bedroom, so I grabbed Lucky, found the door and stood there yelling at Bill “Our cats are lost and I’m lost and we are going to lose all of them unless you do something RIGHT NOW!”

He turned the light on and no cats were lost, one cat was very disconvienced, though. He got over it.

Years ago, when I was a server at a coffee shop, I used to wake my then husband and ask for his order. After a few time trying to shut me up, he just started giving me a long and complicated to-go order, which would put me back to sleep.

When my husband was an undergraduate (before I met him), he was on the UIUC ballroom dance team. On a dance trip, he was in a crowded hotel room with a bunch of teammates, sharing a bed with one named Henry. In the middle of the night, he reportedly sat up straight, announced, “Henry’s nose is a ladder!” and lay back down to finish sleeping.

One night, or more accurately early morning, a few months after our daughter was born, he woke me up to ask, “Can you see the black cloud over my head?” “Huh?” I asked, sleepily. “The black cloud! Can you see it?! Oh, never mind!” He rolled over and went back to sleep. I lay awake, wondering what the black cloud was and why I had to wake up for it.

As far as I know, I don’t sleep talk. I had a college roommate who did, but I only heard her doing so once.

One night, I woke up to hear her saying, “And the porpoise laughed.” And then she laughed, in a manner completely different from her normal one. It was the *dirtiest *chuckle I’ve ever heard. Alas, she did not respond when I asked her what the porpoise was laughing at.

Meantime, try the Sleeptalkin’ Man blog. It hasn’t been updated in a while (there’s a new baby), but the old stuff is generally good, plus it has audio files.

Least Original User Name Ever has woken himself up laughing on multiple occasions. I don’t normally talk in my sleep, but one night when I was in college, my roommate got really concerned because I was singing to myself and moaning in my sleep.

When I was a Boy Scout summer camp staffer many years ago and was assigned to the lakefront, I often had to tell young Scouts not to stand up in the rowboats and canoes, or they’d tip over. One night I woke up my cabinmate David by shouting, “DON’T STAND UP IN THE BOAT!”

There was a long pause, and David asked me, “Are you awake now?”

“… Yes,” I said.

He still kids me about it.

My first year of college, I had a room mate who would talk to me for hours sometimes as we laid in our beds with the lights off. Sometimes he would fall asleep during these conversations, but continue to talk to me, and his responses and things he would say would become ridiculously nonsensical, and I would know he was a sleep.

One time he said to me, “bike path advisor, advisor, advising!”

I’ll never forget it. Hahaha.

Another time he just went on and on about some video game but the way he was rambling was so impossible to follow. And when I asked him about it the next day he had no memory of it whatsoever.
I guess he could have just been playing a prank on me but he didn’t seem the type at all.

When I was in college, I woke up in the middle of the night to my roommate, in the top bunk, mumbling in his sleep. Suddenly, he said, in a loud voice, “Plunder! Plunder!”

The next morning, I asked him about it – he had no idea what the dream might have been, but he found it very amusing all the same. To this day, almost 30 years later, it’s still something that we laugh about.

I just remembered one.
When I was pregnant, I began giggling in my sleep. My husband tried to wake me up. He said he would talk to me and I’d sound perfectly awake. Then I’d start to giggle again. I finally scared him by falling out of bed. That woke me up. He couldn’t decide if he was mad, scared or amused.

I was just puzzled as to why I was on the floor and my sides hurt and I needed to pee.

My wife talks in her sleep all the time. One night it was clear that she was dreaming that a tornado was bearing down on the house. I got up, went the foot of the bed on her side, and started lifting and dropping the mattress violently. “It’s here! It’s here! Get to the basement!” she yelled. She was panicked, sitting up and looking around; I stopped and stood still, and in the dim light, she began to look at me, and then to curse me. I’m laughing my ass off, and she’s crying because it all felt so real and she couldn’t tell sleep from reality.

Good times.

When I was young, about 8 or 9, a friend was staying over. In the middle of the night he woke me up making the “gunfire & war sounds” that kids make. It was really loud and went on for some time. “RATATATATATATATA!” He couldn’t remember in the morning if he’d been shot.

I am a big sleep talker, only these days I have no roommate or anyone sharing my bed to tell me of the things I say. I do occasionally wake myself up, which is exasperating, because I’m awake, but I have no idea what I’ve been saying. Usually, when I talk in my sleep, it’s fairly mundane stuff - work, studying, cats - but occasionally something else sneaks in.

In sixth grade, I woke up sitting up in bed, explaining GI Joe and all the relevant characters to someone.

In seventh grade, I woke up, again sitting up in bed, my arms spread in oration. I had just declared, “All right, I think I can help you!”

In college, my roommate reported that I’d had an . . . amorous interlude, and that it had gone quite well for me.

I’ve talked people through resetting their P-RAM (computer thing), advising them on nutrition (I was on a diet), why Lady MacBeth was more culpable than MacBeth (teaching 10th grade English), and finally “the volts will jolt, but the millis will kill ye” (studying for my ham radio license).

My ex-wife talked in her sleep on occasion.

She: I love you.
Me: I love you, too.
She: But I have to cash a check.
Me: What?!
She (waking up): Oh. Never mind.

The other time she shook me awake to ask me if I had a road map of Sweden.

I was told by a dozing SO some years back -

Her:" Norieaga’s ( The Panamanian dictator) going to bite your nose off".
Me: “Why?”
Her: “Because he’s a baaaad man.”

Way back when I was married my then husband used to throw his pillow on the floor and then take mine.

He said
One night he woke up when I popped him in the mouth.
I asked him where his pillow was.
He said it was on the floor
I said well put it back under your head where it belongs and then I yanked my pillow out from under his head so hard he hit his head on the headboard.

I didn’t remember a thing
but he never stole my pillow again.

I’ve heard I talk in my sleep and people have talked to me not knowing I was sleeping. They say I am perfectly coherent.

Just last night actually.

My wife says out loud, “Things are about to get weird.”

I look at the clock and it says 4:35 a.m.

I ask her “Things are about to get weird?”
“Yep.” she replies.

I just went back to sleep and asked her about it this morning. Of course she doesn’t remember a thing.

wow, seriously? you’re kind of a dick, aren’t you?

My ex-husband worked as a cashier in a grocery store for a while before we were married. On several occasions he would sleep talk like he was ringing up someone’s groceries.

Usually it was “Did you check your eggs?” The cashiers were supposed to ask customers if their eggs were ok before they rang them up so the customer wouldn’t get home to broken eggs in the carton. At least that was the idea.

I would answer him in all sorts of goofy ways, like “Yeah, but they’re all blue, is that normal?” He would mumble something about calling his manager, then he’d roll over and stop talking. He never remembered it in the morning, but I found it funny.