What? Sleep-talking can be funny? I find it bloody annoying when someone else does it (I don’t think I do it.)
Though, to be fair, I do a number of disagreeable things in my sleep anyway (grinding my teeth, snoring, drooling, other stuff) so maybe I should shut up.
Seriously?
Yep, you still have it, don’t you?
When you wanted to get back to sleep, did a gruff “That’s enough. You’re done.” end the tears?
“You had the chance to sleep without being frightened tonight, but you blew it.”
My husband is the sleep-talker at our house. I try to keep him going if I can.
Him: You have a way with bugs.
Me: How do I have a way with bugs?
Him: They come to you.
(Funny at the time, but within a month, I got a flying cockroach in my shirt and was attacked by bees.)
Another night:
Him: Ow!
Me: Sorry, are you ok? [I thought I must have jabbed him with my elbow or something]
Him: Yeah, I’m fine. But it’s not going to work.
Me:What’s not going to work?
Him: The plan.
Me: What plan?
Him: The plan…to catch…the giant. [He rolls over and immediately falls deeply asleep.]
Another time, I woke up to a loud crash, and saw that his nightstand and lamp were knocked over. He had thought he was being attacked by a bear and tried to punch it. I was just glad he was facing away from me.
Oh, my husband gets leg cramps after working out sometimes. I’ll get up and make a hot towel and that takes care of the cramp. One night he jumped out of bed screaming that a squirrel* was biting him. I had to chase him trough the house with the hot towel.
Once I caught him, he was fine, went back to bed and didn’t remember a thing in the morning.
*Like many men, he’s terrified of squirrels.
Another time I was on holiday with a very good friend, and we were sharing a bed. She was talking in her sleep, very distressed, she was having a nightmare about her then-boyfriend’s driving. “Watch out for that house!”, stuff like that. I felt bad for her, so I tried to calm her down saying “it’s just a dream, you’re ok.” She sat bolt upright in bed, looked at me and said, very crossly: “Can’t you see there is a huge net full of spiders right over our heads?!” Then she shoved me, hard, and turned over.
That’ll teach me to be nice to people with nightmares… 
Well at least you identified that it was your wife, in less than 1/40th of a second no doubt, so you didn’t end up shooting her. Good on ya.
Well at least he didn’t pull a gun on her.
Fort Leonard Wood, 1986… I was on fire watch and was walking through the barracks when one of the other recruits who was notorious for sleep talking practically shouted “REMOVE YOUR HEADGEAR!”. I was confused and felt the top of my head and thought: “I don’t have it on.”, immediately followed by: “Oh, it’s just <Recruit’s name>.”
Don’t think it’s happened recently but I’ve caught myself attempting to converse with inanimate objects like window blinds.
When my son was little, I went through a phase of falling out asleep at the drop of a hat. (probably from, I don’t know, maybe active-toddler-induced exhaustion?) Apparently I would rubber-stamp any proposals crossing my figurative desk for consideration at these times, so that I could go back to sleep.
One day I woke up to my son and my boyfriend laughing at me in a conspiratorial way.
It seems I had agreed to buy my son a pony. 
This pro tip ruined my early teenage years. I was a sleep talker as a kid and apparently you tell what you believe is the truth. This did not do my already shaky relationship with my mother any good.
It was also a bitch when it came to getting away with things. My friends and I treated my subconscious like a narc. I’d know things were happening but not when or where. We considered it perfectly acceptable to lie to me in advance to keep plans from being discovered in advance. Punishment afterwards was just the way it went. We gave up on getting away with stuff. Of course Mom kicked me out when I was 14 so that probably saved me from losing friends as an older teenager cause who wants to hang out with someone who blabs everything even unintentionally.
Dad never quizzed me when I was asleep or he managed to come up with better explanations of how he found stuff out. One or the other.
My SO does not answer, but he does talk occasionally. Once when he was really into Heroes of Might and Magic he asked me plainitively “Can you make me into a castle now?”
Don’t insult other people in this forum. If you don’t like a post someone else made, take it to the Pit and call them out there.
Don’t do it again in this forum, however.
And this is a general note (to everyone) to keep it on topic in here. Don’t let a single post derail the thread, take it to the Pit if you feel it’s needed.
I was telling my girlfriend to cut the carrots smaller, she was playing along and when I yelled at her I woke myself up. We were planning on waking up in the morning and starting a dish that involved carrots. I always complain that she cuts them too big.
My wife is a sleeptalker and she’s told me of stories that her and her sister would sleep talk at each other, incoherently, each in her own conversation. She typically sleep talks when she is stressed and she’s a teacher, so she has times where she stresses from that. One of my very first experiences with her sleep talking went like this:
Her: Oh, I love you.
Me: I love you, too.
Her: Shh, I wasn’t talking to you.
A short while later, she patted me and told me that it was a “valiant, valiant effort.”
There’s been more, but she doesn’t do it so much any more, not to that extent, it’s usually non-specific mumbling.
Well, was it? Did you get the ‘A’.
This actually made me LOL.
This part killed me- too funny.