There are other angles here to consider on the why. For example, he is pissed at her for screwing another man, but he still loves her in his own twisted dysfunctional way. Can’t go beating the snot out of her, it just amplifies her desire to run to the other man for comfort. So you beat down the other guy for moving on your territory, as well as to deny his comfort to her. Kinda hard for him to “rescue her” if he is more in need of rescue than she is. In addition, many women in such circumstances would avoid the “other man” because they do not want to see the “other man” hurt by psycho hubby.
Some people have issues, some people, its more like subscriptions.
It’s mine, it’s my toy. If it won’t work the way I want it to, I’m going to smash it. Lots of people grow out of this, many people never smash their toys. It’s got nothing to do with love - these kind of people don’t love themselves let alone anyone else.
Shakespeare - my favourite quote
SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Couldn’t part of the explanation for the OP example be that he just wants to get her back under his control so that she doesn’t get him into trouble with the police? If the neighbor is shielding her, calling the authorities, getting her medical help…it’s going to come back on the guy. But if she’s back under HIS control, he can limit the amount of damage done to HIM by convincing her to make up a story, keep her feeling powerless… this doesn’t address the question of what he’s thinking while he’s beating her, but could explain why he fights to get her away from others.
I suspect that in a lot of cases there’a a physical or mental pathology of some kind. All people feel anger and rage; some control it well, some do not, some not at all. Abusers (or anyone who is violence-prone in another situation) are usually not insane or psychopathic and aren’t violent all the time; they’ll usually explain that they simply cannot control themselves, and afterwards they’re either remorseful, or rationalize their behaviour, or a mix of both.
In some cases it’s likely physical problems with the part of the brain that controls impulse and emotion. In many, it’s likely a psychological issue.
In response to the paraphrased OP question of “what is going on when men abuse someone they profess to love?”, and avoid any other issues based on gender or frequency of abuse, here is what I think is going on. Let me illustrate it with an example. Warning: humans are not “animals”, but we may have some basic properties in common.
Male animals often operate by domination/intimidation (think lions here). The male bosses and attacks non-compliant females, and kills cubs that are not his. We might think that the male is jealous and controlling, while a biologist would see his behavior as simply attempts to make his breeding successful. Biologists would probably agree that these behaviors are partially learned and partially hardwired, and certainly under the influence of male hormones.
Please remember again - Humans are not “animals”, because we have various moral and ethical underpinnings for our behavior…and the idea of love and concern for our fellows, with children and spouses at the top of the list. And we are not “animals” in many many other ways, of course
However, I think that sometimes the underpinnings give way to the powerful basic male behaviors that many mammals have. That doesn’t mean it is right, and in no way excuses the behavior.
Hopefully this addresses the OP without raising too many hackles…in and off itself an indication of the animal within ourselves.
Honestly, this is the most perceptive comment in the thread so far. This isn’t a case of someone just losing his temper and lashing out; it is an extended string of behavior that, frankly, defies any attempt at reasoning or rationality.
And to answer it, all I can say is that there are some people so divorced from reality, so detached from normal human empathy, that there is no discernible train of reasoning that a sensible person could even recognize. And this is hardly limited to men (implied if not explicit by the o.p.); women like Andrea Yates who drown or abuse their children are equally inexplicable on any rational basis, although we can describe their behavior in terms of pathology or neurological dysfunction.
“Fucking nutcase,” while not an accepted technical nomenclature, is probably about as close as it gets.
I’m going to say it is a control issue. I will also say that it is equally prevalent in women though it manifests itself differently. Nutcase is right, but there are many different types of nutcases. Some people have developed an inability to conceive of independent thought around them. They are completely dissociated from others so they cannot empathize. The only person that matters is themselves and anybody that is dissobedient is wrong so deserves punishment whether physical or psychological.
These people need to be incarcerated indefinitely for the benefit of society.
