I think the Sheriff Hopper example is a good one. Dad bod isn’t a fat slob. It’s a guy that has other priorities, but still is strong and capable. Someone that can haul sacks of concrete around and build a porch, but still eats dessert and has beer.
As for why they’re attractive? I’m a straight man, but seems like the best of both worlds to me. Strong and capable, but also more relatable and won’t make you feel bad about more fun/not optimally healthy lifestyles.
The dad bod isn’t the average guy. If I understand the meme correctly, he’s what happens to the buff guy after he has kids. That doesn’t mean every guy with kids has a dad bod.
I always understood it to be more of an acknowledgement of the fact that being in/keeping yourself in GOOD shape- i.e. muscular, low body fat, etc… takes a whole lot of work and time, and that a lot of guys prioritize that over other relationship aspects- having fun, being relaxed, etc…
Most women don’t want a high-maintenance guy who’s going to spend 2 hours a day at the gym, and be prissy about his food, because he wants to be ripped or swole or whatever. They’d rather have a guy who is fun to be around and who wants to spend time with her, and who would be willing to eat brownies if she made him some. Not a total slob, but not some kind of fitness prima-donna either.
In other words, “dad bod” in itself isn’t sexy per-se, but what it tends to indicate is. Men have the same thing- I’d rather date a woman with some chub, rather than some six-pack abs chick who may look great in yoga pants, but who won’t get down on a pizza and a pitcher of beer with me because she’s too worried about her figure.
That’s how I understand it (with a bit of clarification from my wife)
Many women feel that their spouse/partner being in extremely good shape increases the pressure on them (the women) to be in extremely good shape themselves. And they feel enough pressure as it is, and are somewhat insecure as to whether they truly measure up. Having a guy who is a little soft himself alleviates that to some extent.
Yep, this is how I see it (albeit a little less harshly!), as a woman. You can look at a guy and make some assumptions of what his dating profile might look like. Some guys are all “I climb rocks in my spare time” and other guys are “I want to Netflix and chill, but in the literal sense, where we actually watch Netflix.” Both are valid ways to spend one’s free time, and we’re basing our initial attraction on what we see ourselves doing with the man in our shared free time.
Maybe you can consider the “rise of the dad bod” as an indicator of the growing appreciation for the realities of how much work it takes to be trim and buff. We’re all waking up to the fact that you don’t look like Thor without a lot of time and dedication, and not everyone wants to be a part of a lifestyle that appreciates the body shape enough to put in the time and dedication, so we’re looking for mates that physically represent the amount of time and dedication we’re willing to expend ourselves.
Also, that doughy butt. Mmmm.
This.
That super-muscular look doesn’t look good to everybody. To some of us it just looks kind of silly.
And I’m dubious about how much it has to do with fitness. I’ve known people who could do massive amounts of physical work all day long, not just for a couple of hours at the gym; and then go out dancing at night. They didn’t have that ‘I work out at the gym every day’ look at all. Some of them had muscle overlaid with fat. Some of them were thin and wiry and didn’t look like they had huge muscles at all.
Oddly enough, my cousin is fairly ripped and works out daily – he was one of those “Body for Life” guys who went looking from an average doughy guy with a few extra pounds, to looking like an absolutely ripped body builder. His preference in women, judging by all the women he dates, is quite the opposite. In the 20 years or so since he’s been a ripped guy, I only remember him dating one fellow fitness fanatic. His preference is for softer and curvier women. I just don’t think he likes the ultra-toned look on women. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.
Sure I’ve heard of MILF. But my understanding, come to by the repeated use of the term for certain types of mothers, is that the -ILF portion of the term is despite the M, not in any way because of it. In other words, the vast majority of times ive seen or heard the term used, it was for mothers who didnt look like mothers.
I think the number of men who have the ripped, sculpted, overly muscular look are a miniscule portion of all men. So why is it being elevated as some sort of mainstream contrast to dad bods, which I’d say represent a faaar larger percentage of men?
There isn’t a “mom bod” craze, but I do think there is an equivalent: the woman who has a little bit of “cushion.” Or possibly the “fit” woman who tries not to be too cut, and wants to keep her curves.
Growing up, I’ve always heard of women finding guys who were too cut to be not as attractive as those who kept themselves fit but weren’t body builder types. I think dad bod extends from that a bit, going a little further to actually having a little bit of fat, but still being stocky and strong. The guy who could suck in his tummy and look fit.
Of course, many women do find the body builder physique attractive, too. But I think a lot of the societal idea that body builder means sexy is more a male power fantasy, and that some women are rebelling in the same way men rebel from the female-led idea that we all want super skinny women.
That’s my take, anyways. I’ve thought about it a bit.
Probably because the ripped body is overrepresented in movies, TV, sports, and visual art (which includes advertising.) Media always presents an idealized version of reality.
As far as the whole comcept of “dad bod” I’d say it’s just a manifestation of the fact that the generation of people who grew up making memes and coining buzzwords on the internet, is now aging into the “dad bod” phase of life.
Given how many female bodybuilders there are, I’d say it’s more than just an exclusively male power fantasy.
Specifically because the “ripped, sculpted” look is so often pushed as an ideal, despite the low number of people who actually fit it. That’s why I think it’s more men pushing it as a power fantasy, rather than women saying “This is what I find attractive.” I’m not saying there aren’t women who find it attractive, just that it isn’t as widespread as the culture would lead you to believe.
I mean, what did they do to Thor to make him an unattractive slob? Had him stick out his belly to look more overweight, while still keeping most of his muscular frame. Yet there were plenty of women who said they found him more attractive that way. So it’s clear that Hollywood thinks “super muscular” is most attractive, just like they think a certain thin female body type means attractive. And that some women think that’s silly.
Again, it’s like the idea that has been shown in actual experiments: women think that men will find the thinner woman more attractive, while men actually found the next size up more attractive. The difference between expectations and reality spawned a meme.
I think the overall thing we should take away from this discussion is that we should stop letting Hollywood define How Things Should Be. In Hollywood, all men have firm physiques with <5% body fat. All women have perfect proportions. Overweight people are slobs who can only ever be the butt of the joke. In Hollywood, “nerds” are perfect actors with bad haircuts and weird clothes. “Ugly” means a bad haircut, braces, and thick glasses. In Hollywood, the Nice Guy always gets the girl, as though she’s a “prize” to be “won.”
This is Hollywood’s idea of an “ugly” person. America Ferrera with a frumpy hairdo, braces, and glasses.
Johm Malcovich would like to have a word with you.
You think 3-4 times a week is a moderate workout schedule? A full-time job and 3 active kids would have made almost any gym membership a problem for me.
As someone else said - I don’t think the dad bod has a beer belly. Possibly a bit of pooch, but just keeping your weight in control without a gym routine is what I consider a dad bod (of course, I would say that, since it is my bod).
Plenty of very average normal guys manage 3/week workouts, it’s really not hard. You can get a decent workout in 30-45 minutes. Less than 2 hours a week of gym time, yes I’d call that moderate. Especially compared to most of the guys who train to be super ripped and buff.
It’s a diversion so that the few men who don’t look like they’ve given up on life can get all the attention.
Well, maybe, not really. It’s one of those things that’s well meaning like: Hey guys, you don’t need 6 pack abs to be attractive. But then it gets taken to the extreme in either direction. For example, Jason Momoa being “dad bod shamed” for his well above-average body that he “let go” a little to not having defined abs. On the other end, let’s all neglect our health completely because slovenly dudes who don’t sleep, eat well, or exercise are “hot.” And the media/social counter to the “dad bod shaming” is an onslaught of terrible misinformation like the ideas that abs aren’t sustainable, every guy with over 140lbs in lean body mass must be on steroids, every guy who isn’t obese has to be able to afford a personal trainer, nutritionist, and personal chef, you have to spend all day in the gym, etc.
FWIW, I have a fulltime job (up to 6 days and 60 hours, 40 hrs a week min), multiple small businesses, kids, and friends. I manage to sleep 7-8 hours, meal plan, and exercise regularly. No gym membership or personal chef.
