Male, heterosexual (practicing as much as my wife will let me).
Flaming heterosexual.
I am penis-bodied, cisqueer and optionally optioned. I identify as a Billionaire. People treat me like a regular citizen. They refuse to recognize my superiority over them.
Just a straight guy. Not bi-curious in the least.
Other.
Half a bubble off level, aligned diagonally.
Cis-male, gay. And like the revtim, not bi-curious at all.
1 on the Kinsey scale “Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual” due to a single incident of receiving oral sex from a guy during a threesome with his girlfriend (hey, these things happen!)
Straight, but I have been flattered the few times guys have hit on me.
And people could understand it without consulting a dictionary? I understand about half the posts in this thread.
ETA, almost forgot. Straight male, no modifiers that I’m aware of.
Male, born a male, God willing I’ll die a male. I like ladies, who these days, consists of my wife.
Male with an unblemished record of heterosexuality. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Just a regular guy. Like most people, I enjoy putting pine cones up my bottom and blowing bubbles while dressed as an octopus.
Octopus is so last year. All the cool kids are dressing up like cuttlefish these days.
Cis straight female. Not very exciting, except to whomever I’m having sex with (I hope). 
The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu?
(I so miss Dave Brockie)
I am a male. I find women attractive. Women do not find me attractive. The end.
I am like a 2 on the Kinsey scale.
All right, to be exact, I am 0 on the Kinsey scale. But I don’t promote that as the best or only way to be, it is just where I am at.