yellowval --the first time my MIL had us over for dinner. I don’t know why this is this way, but she prepared a meal for us (and my FIL) and our kids and yet there was no seat for her.
WTF? I immediately tried to give her my seat and she wouldn’t have it. She waited on us like a servant the whole meal. All the while, berating us for not taking seconds etc.
Now she does a buffet type thing, still does not eat a thing herself, yet runs around topping off everyon’es drinks etc. It’s appalling. It’s a huge manipulation game --see me, the martyr, I cooked and cleaned and now wait on you, and yet you don’t make me happy crap.
Um, no thanks. I don’t want to be a part of your pathology.
I don’t say that those here take it to that extreme, but it comes close. She just looks disappointed and saddened by our lack of “appreciation” (no amount of complimenting makes a dent, believe me)–some here take it on the offensive.
One thing has come from this thread–I have completely lost my appetite! I need to lose another 5 pounds, so thanks!
If anything, most of the true foodies I’ve met are thin. True foodies tend to look down on fat and sugar to enhance flavor (i.e., deep frying and ketchup). They appreciate a good plate of sushi far more than they appreciate chicken nuggets & fries. Look at what picky eaters eat–white bread, bland processed meats, cheese goo.
Sugar, yes, but gourmets are fine with fat. It carries flavor and is filling. Do you know any gastronomes who turn their noses up at tempura, or dipping bread in olive oil?
Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sorry you don’t think I have a right to order my sandwich without mayo. But see, I’m not eating the sandwich with mayo and since I’m paying for the sandwich, I’d like to eat it. Why do you think I get some pleasure from this? What’s so “obvious” about it to you? Trust me, if I had a choice, I’d just eat everything and be happy about it. But I can’t. If that makes me petty and superficial, then so be it. But you’re in no way less petty or superficial for judging people based on what they eat.
Certainly, just as you tell the same host what a lovely evening you had when you were bored to tears, and sign letters “Yours sincerely” when you aren’t (theirs or sincere). It’s the basic lubricant of social interaction. What are you going to tell them - “No, I hate all of this”?
Of course, as many have already pointed out, part of said play-acting involves lots of perfectly polite stratagems for avoiding whatever vile slop has been deposited in front of you while still convincing the host the meal wouldn’t be out of place at Maxim’s.
And I have to ask, are there really people who veto one restaurant suggestion after another because they can’t think of anything acceptable on the menu? I mean Christ, if I go to a seafood restaurant or a wine bar I know I’ll probably be able to find something I like. (True, I won’t be happy in a sushi place, but then people don’t really say “Let’s have dinner! How about sushi?” They say, “Let’s go out for sushi!” which I can politely decline.)
This is the absolutely stupides thing I’ve read on this topic, which says a lot considering some of the nonsense that has been put forth. In fact, I’m gonna assume this is a whoosh, because I can’t imagine anybody seriously being this ignorant and offensive. At least not at the same time.
I tend to agree with you, although I have been around people who “customize” to the point that it’s ridiculous. Asking for blue cheese on your burger instead of cheddar, fine. Same with ordering a sandwich without mayo, or seeing if they can substitute the side of rice with one of pasta. No big deal.
I think pizzabrat maybe referring to the people who need to ask, in great detail, how every single bit of the food is prepared and then customize it. “I’d like the burger, only can you tell me what kind of hamburger is used? I only eat 98% lean ground round. And I don’t like white buns, can you put it on whole wheat bread? Instead of ketchup, I’d like Foo-foo sauce, and grilled onions, and could you use mozzerella cheese instead of cheddar? Please make sure that the cheese only covers the burger, and doesn’t drip onto the bread. No fries please, but could you substitute a green salad with tomatoes, mushrooms, and lettuce, but NO green peppers. I’m allergic to green peppers. I’d like low-fat Honey Mustard on the side please. Oh, you don’t have low-fat Honey Mustard?!? How can you NOT have low-fat Honey Mustard? I don’t care that you have 5 other low-fat dressings, I only like low-fat Honey Mustard.”
And yes, I’ve met people who aren’t that far off from the above, usually people I work with at a business dinner or lunch, since I’d be far too embarrassed to socialize at a restaurant with them.
Of course not. However, I don’t think a good host would corner someone, force a grape into their mouth (which is practically what happened with me), and sit there expectantly waiting for you to swallow. And then frown and say “don’t you like it?” when you turn a funny color. Sure, I can fake it and say it was wonderful (and I have), but nobody will believe it because I’m a terrible liar and so much of my reaction to certain foods is physical and uncontrollable (like the “bitter face” some people get at bitter foods; you can’t control that). I know all those tricks for making it seem like I’ve taken a taste of your vile peach cobbler. The point is that some “hosts” will never be satisfied. If you politely decline that’s wrong, but if you do “suck it up” and eat what’s offered and it makes you sick and they can tell (and in most cases, people can tell), that’s also bad. What are people with strong food aversions to do?
(And on a tangent: What is so many people’s DEAL with sushi? It’s just fish, rice, and seaweed trussed up into a little package, and it’s freaking delicious. I’ve had people who ridicule me for the fruit/most vegetables thing who practically scream when you suggest going out for sushi. I’m not ragging on anti-sushi types, I just think it shows that some types of picky eating are acceptable whereas other types are not. It is no less arbitrary to reject sushi than it is to reject gross juice-filled pulp that tastes like urine, i.e. all fruit ever.)
Well, obviously that’s rude. The well-bred host has his or her part to play in this too. The guest undertakes to mess the food up in the plate to make it look like it’s been tried, and the host undertakes to be fooled by this.
All I can tell you is if there are people who are really this rude, you really should not be accepting dinner invitations from them.
I hate most kinds of fish. (Take the jokes from there.) I’ve tried sushi that didn’t have fish in it and it still smelt of fish. Anyway, it’s so expensive that people don’t tend to waste their sushi on the unwilling, so everyone’s happy. And yes, if I went to dinner at a friend’s house and they plunked a big plate of sushi down in front of me as the main course, I’d force some down… well, actually I’d play interested gaijin (“Ooh, and what’s that? Okay, what kind of fish is that? Mhm… wasabi? What’s that? Oh, how interesting”) at enough length for everyone else to eat most of the sushi while I was gabbing.
It was my ex’s grandma, who is eighty-three. I didn’t have much room for leverage.
And it’s true that if you don’t like fish you won’t like sushi (most types of sushi rice are treated with fish oil unless it’s explicitly vegan, which may be why you didn’t like it), but I know people who love fish who won’t eat it, like my parents, because it’s “exotic.” Well, maybe the octopus and eel are a little exotic, but they do make it in tuna and shrimp! They wouldn’t even let me give my sister sushi (not that she’d have eaten it anyway, probably) because it might “poison” her. I say grr to that.
WTF, Ellis Dee? Fat is a matter of quantiy, not quality, and foodies are perfectly capable of eating reasonable amounts of the world’s bounty of food. Trust me, there is no lack of joy in my house when I’m getting naked with someone, and my figure is entirely “slender”. Indeed, the foodie-centric coasts are some of the skinniest parts of America, and it’s the burger loving middle that bloats. The classes of food excluded by picky eaters tend to leave them plenty of meat, fat, and starch. It’s the healty vegetables and fruits that end up on the chopping block and not the cutting board.
And I think we are talking here about people who are so picky they have food include lists, not food exclude lists. Having preferences is normal. Cutting yourself off from the vast majority of foods is not.
I think she got that. Anyway, you don’t think there’s ANY validity to the idea that people wear their precise food preferences as a badge of their individuality?
Ah. Well, we just have to endure. She shouldn’t be forcing you, but as you say, little leverage. And I say this speaking as someone who was once fed snails by a boyfriend’s father and stepmother, so I sympathize, but faut faire avec.
From what I understand, part of this whole “clean your plate, you WILL eat it!” mentality is a factor in the appalling epidemic of obesity in our society.
calm kiwi, that’s a REALLY good way to give your kid serious control issues when it comes to food. There is nothing rude with saying, “Oh, no thank you, pass the peas!” when someone offers you broccoli. You don’t have to say, “YUCK”, you say “no thank you.” Chances are, there will be something you like on the table, and you can skip something you don’t like.
That’s not rude. Rude is being so controlling that you are offended by the fact that someone has different tastes than you, and you FORCE them to partake in something they actively dislike.
My grandfather was like this with his kids-growing up, he was the type who made them eat everything, and if they refused to eat it for dinner, they ate it for breakfast. As a consequence, several of his children suffered from weight problems.
Some people have food issues that aren’t quite allergies, but still make them sick. My mother has a problem with spicy foods, or greasy foods-they give her terrible indigestion. Why should she suffer because the host has some serious control issues?
I guess anything is possible, but for the most part, some people just really have strong likes and dislikes. If you think it’s fun for me to not only have to draw negative attention to myself by (politely) asking for no cheese on my sandwich and then invariably getting said sandwich served to me with cheese anyway, thus rendering it inedible, then your outlook is a little distorted. I don’t consider myself special,( nor do I think I’m being a pain in the ass by making a simple request) I just want to enjoy my meal; same as you.
Others have stated and I’ll agree, I wish I had no problems eating anything that was put down before me, but it just aint so. Whether you think it’s a psychological problem, whether you think it’s reasonable or not, that’s the way it is.
Doesn’t the pile-on here prove how badly picky eaters are viewed by society at large? Who the hell would *prefer * that kind of derision?
I have never seen it go the other way on this. Picky eaters may kind of wince at some of the things that foodies will put in their mouths, but we don’t start the equivalent of “you’re betraying the very basic foundations of human civilization if you don’t try the sea urchin gonads!!”
I have two problems with the “foodie” side of this argument (and I had these problems the last time we had this discussion here, as well). Firstly, the “foodies” are so evangelical about the whole thing that all it takes is ONE incident of food refusal on our part and we’re marked for life as some kind of joyless noodge who lives only to kill the culinary bliss of those around us. The very first time I’d ever eaten with a friend of ours in DC, he ordered Vietnamese. I was more than willing to try it. I was apprehensive, but open to the experience. Then I tasted it. Cilantro. Cilantro is a dealbreaker for me, open and shut. It tasted like someone dumped a box of Ivory soap in the pho. I had that taste in my mouth the rest of the night and a goodly portion of the next day.
Cut to the rest of the weekend. We go to Chinatown with this friend. We come to lunch. Friend goes into the song and dance: “We can go to this great place right here, authentic Chinese food…oh, wait! No, we can’t. Jim’s a picky eater. Guess we’ll go to Fuddrucker’s.” My protestations that it would be fine to go to the Chinese restaurant fell on deaf ears. I was the reason we couldn’t have nice things! I was the bogeyman who created a null-joy area of effect for everyone. Because I didn’t want to eat Ivory soap the night before! This friend STILL does this. I’m forever “the picky eater” to him. Meanwhile, he’s a nightmare for service workers, sending things back multiple times almost every time we’ve been out with him and threatening to talk to management more than once.
And secondly, what’s wrong with individualism, anyway? Why do I have to suffer for courtesy? If I’m given something with cilantro in it, I’m not eating it. I don’t care if the host is going to rend their clothing and call down the curses of the gods on me, I don’t eat soap.
Yeah, if your job requires you to choke down something that will make you sick, you do it, because it’s your job. If I’m at someone’s house for a social call, and they serve me obviously spoiled food, I’m not going to eat it, and it’s not immature of me to refuse to eat something that’s going to make me sick. This is easily twice as retarded as pizzabrat’s “picky eaters just do it for attention” crap.
(Although I have to wonder what your Afghani warlord would have thought of you almost immediately crapping your pants from drinking the buttermilk. That’s what would have happened to me, anyway: I’m pretty severely lactose intolerant. Any sort of cream works on me like an enema. But I suppose that’s just me not being an adult, right?)
