What happens to incredibly picky eaters in adulthood?

In My Humble Opinion
201

[QUOTE=Miller]
Yeah, if your job requires you to choke down something that will make you sick, you do it, because it’s your job. If I’m at someone’s house for a social call, and they serve me obviously spoiled food, I’m not going to eat it, and it’s not immature of me to refuse to eat something that’s going to make me sick. **This is easily twice as retarded as pizzabrat’s “picky eaters just do it for attention” crap. **
[/QUOTE]

And it contains at least four times the martyr quotient :rolleyes: Sorry, no medal of valor here. If you’re stupid enough to drink rancid milk from a dirty glass, you deserve all the puking that ensues.

202

A few questions for the foodies:

  1. If you’re invited to go out with a group of friends, and they decide to go to Applebee’s® or T.G.I. Friday’s®, would you refuse? (“My friends aren’t the kind of people who go to Applebee’s” isn’t a valid answer here.)

  2. If you’re invited to a dinner at someone’s house, and the selection of food heavily leans towards bland, “lowbrow” comfort food, would you go? (“My friends aren’t the kind of people who serve comfort food” isn’t a valid answer here. Let’s assume they’re older relatives or recent transplants from Minnesota, for the sake of argument.) If there were items that you viewed as too downscale or plain, would you avoid or refuse to eat it?

  3. What are the upper limits of your food tolerance? Is there anything you wouldn’t eat? Would you happily gobble up food that normally breaks western society’s food taboos, like dog or cat? Brains? Eyeballs? Insects? Could you get through the eating-something-gross part of Fear Factor? Straight hot sauce in the 1,000,000+ Scoville unit range? Everybody has their limits, I would think.

203

jayjay --I feel your pain. I have also been labelled as such in RL and it ain’t true.

I just don’t like the same things.
Deal.
(but I also cannot see making food such a focus in your life. Who the hell has time for that? You 6 year old has a sore throat and it’s -20 outside. Do you make him wait the 6 hours it takes to make a great homemade chicken soup, or do you open a can and give him attention? Never will I understand this snobbism).

We none of us eat as we should every day at all times–our society is not set up that way. Now, in France, things are a bit different. In 3rd world countries, the priorities are waaaaay different.

Too many flavors do not tempt my tongue–they shut down my appetite. I also happen to loathe fast food and have not set foot in a McDonald’s in 7 years. I don’t intend to–so where is this “all they eat is goo” stuff coming from?
You want to feel smug and superior by mocking my food choices? Have at it. But I think that someday you (generic you) will come across an area of life where someone in turn disses you for something you see as reasonable. Shoe will be on the other foot, then. If you want to bitch about that experience, I’ll be over near the potted plant, hiding various bits of unappreciated food in the dirt. :cool:

204

Of course everyone has their limits–I do not eat any flesh food, and I cannot eat shellfish. But the “I can only eat 12 foods and they have to be prepared exactly right” people are a pain in the ass.

I briefly had an assistant who claimed environmental allergies to damn near everything on the planet. She went into a fit one day when, having skipped lunch, I went out at 3:00 and got a cup of coffee with milk and two chocolate bars." Oh, I can’t stand to be in the same room with milk. I can’t breathe. The chocolate looks gross. It’s giving me a headache. My stomach hurts." She repeated this same act a couple of days later, when I came in holding a cup of mint tea with no milk! (Well, there must have been some milk in the cup).

How do people live like that?

205

[QUOTE=elmwood]

  1. If you’re invited to go out with a group of friends, and they decide to go to Applebee’s® or T.G.I. Friday’s®, would you refuse? (“My friends aren’t the kind of people who go to Applebee’s” isn’t a valid answer here.)

[/QUOTE]

Applebee’s is one of the better restaurants in this town. Just cuz I’m a foodie doesn’t mean I always get to eat what I want, either. I’ll go to Applebee’s or TGI Friday’s or whereever - there’s plenty of stuff that I can eat, and if the decision to go there has already been made and I choose to go, the last thing I’d do is go there, complain about the food, and refuse to eat.

[QUOTE=elmwood]
2) If you’re invited to a dinner at someone’s house, and the selection of food heavily leans towards bland, “lowbrow” comfort food, would you go? (“My friends aren’t the kind of people who serve comfort food” isn’t a valid answer here. Let’s assume they’re older relatives or recent transplants from Minnesota, for the sake of argument.) If there were items that you viewed as too downscale or plain, would you avoid or refuse to eat it?
[/quote]

See my answers about going to my M-i-L’s for dinner. I also have other friends/relatives who are bound to make really, really bad food. I go there, eat, and generally compliment them on whatever I can find to compliment them on (“Those fresh tomatoes really made the salad!”)

[QUOTE=elmwood]
What are the upper limits of your food tolerance? Is there anything you wouldn’t eat? Would you happily gobble up food that normally breaks western society’s food taboos, like dog or cat? Brains? Eyeballs? Insects? Could you get through the eating-something-gross part of Fear Factor? Straight hot sauce in the 1,000,000+ Scoville unit range? Everybody has their limits, I would think.
[/QUOTE]

Of course, everyone does. After watching the Anthony Bourdain show where the Inuit family butchers and eats a raw seal on the floor of their kitchen (Anthony ate the eyeballs!) I know there’s stuff I wouldn’t eat if I could politely get out of it.

What some people in this thread keep missing is that the complaints aren’t about people who don’t like a couple different types of food. It’s about people who only eat a few things, and have no problems dictating their tastes to everyone else around 'em.

It goes both ways, too. If someone is so horribly gourmet that they will only go to their one or two favorite restaurants even though everyone else wants to go to Applebee’s, they’re as bad as the people who refuse to go anywhere except Applebee’s. Most Americans eat a variety of food; refusing to do so whether due to dislikes or gourmet tastes or because the Giant Blue Unicorn told you to only eat beets and banana leaves and then insisting that everyone else around adapt so that you can get what you want is rude.

206

[QUOTE=WOOKINPANUB]
No, actually you’ve stated quite strongly how rude it is to reject food.
[/quote]

If that’s really what you believe the gist of my statements have been, then I can only conclude that I’ve utterly failed to communicate.

And, unless I’m mistaken, in each case, I’ve specified that I’m referring to a person who is not just refusing one thing he doesn’t like or two, but routinely rejects all or most of what is offered because his tastes are that narrow. That kind of person does cause offense and annoyance.

This whole thread has become a major talking-past-each-other-at-strawmen thing. I really don’t understand some of the exchanges going on.

For the record, I don’t believe I have said any of these things:

  • That you can never refuse an offer of food at any time or any place.
  • That you have to eat everything that is put on your plate (“clean your plate”). In fact, I think it is wrong to teach children that they have to clean their plates.
  • That a host has the right to demand that you eat everything.
  • That if you don’t like everything I like then there’s something wrong with you.
  • That food has to be the centre of your life or else you’re a hopeless philistine.
  • That I am a “foodie.” (I very well might be, but that’s entirely irrelevant to the point I’ve been trying to make.)

It all comes down to this: As an adult member of society, it’s your duty to be flexible in social situations and part of that flexibility is that you don’t make your personal likes and dislikes into an inconvenience for your hosts and your social circle. It’s immature to set your likes and dislikes up to the point that all social/food plans are solely dependent on what you like.

Since I’m apparently being lumped in with the phantom “foodie” contingent here, I’ll go ahead and answer these questions.

No, I would not refuse. Friday’s would not be my choice if it were up to me, but I know I’ll find something there to please me.

I wouldn’t refuse on the basis of the food. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with comfort food.

No, I’d only avoid items that I didn’t like the taste of, but I’d try a bit of everything. I’m pretty sure that most of the stuff I’ll be happy to eat, even if it’s not prepared particularly well or the way I prefer.

Most probably, I’d draw the line at insects. I won’t say that I’d never eat an insect. But it’s highly unlikely. Dog, cat, brains, eyeballs, I might go for, so long as it’s prepared with the idea that it’s meant to be food that people regularly eat and not just some dare.

Probably not.

I can’t remember where the actual deadliness factor kicks in with capsicum, but so long as it’s well below that, I might try a tiny bit of it, once, on a rib or brisket sandwich or a spoonful of chili con carne. I wouldn’t drink from the bottle.

207

[QUOTE=elmwood]
A few questions for the foodies:

  1. If you’re invited to go out with a group of friends, and they decide to go to Applebee’s® or T.G.I. Friday’s®, would you refuse? . . .

  2. If you’re invited to a dinner at someone’s house, and the selection of food heavily leans towards bland, “lowbrow” comfort food, would you go? (“My friends aren’t the kind of people who serve comfort food” isn’t a valid answer here. Let’s assume they’re older relatives or recent transplants from Minnesota, for the sake of argument.) If there were items that you viewed as too downscale or plain, would you avoid or refuse to eat it?
    [/quote]

Yes, of course I would eat the food in both cases. As an omnivore and not a picky eater, I eat a wide variety of things, and I also understand that sometimes the point is not about pleasing my every whim, but socializing in a group and compromising. I have to do this every time I eat with my parents. They pick the most awful restaurants (cheap, bland, all-you-can-eat, they think it’s great), and cook at home the same way. I eat the food, shut up about it, and promise myself a nice meal tomorrow. See, we foodies can adjust. The picky eaters don’t seem to be able to.

As stated above, yes everyone has limits. But how often am I going to run into an all-eyeballs-and-insects menu? That’s how picky eaters seem to view the world.

Or, on preview, what Athena said.

208

I get your point, Athena ; we’ve heard quite a few anecdotes *about * those kind of people but I don’t think we’ve heard from any of those kinds of people, have we? No, I’m really asking, 'cause there’s too dagnab many pages to scroll through :slight_smile: I honestly don’t think anyone has espoused this kind of behavior, and they’d be a lunkhead if they did.

It’s the people screaming “shut up and eat what you’re given” who are dictating their tastes to everyone.

209

Well, steering back towards the OP, I was a pretty picky eater until about the age of 17 or so. I wouldn’t even eat salads until I was in college. But by the time I was in my early 20’s I was willing to eat (or at least try) just about anything. And I’m still that way, over 25 years later. I love ethiopian food, thai, many sushis, cajun, creole, tex-mex, peruvian, indian, szechuan, lebanese, afghani, gabonese, etc etc.

I don’t fixate on it, but I do love trying new things.

210

[QUOTE=acsenray]
It all comes down to this: As an adult member of society, it’s your duty to be flexible in social situations and part of that flexibility is that you don’t make your personal likes and dislikes into an inconvenience for your hosts and your social circle. It’s immature to set your likes and dislikes up to the point that all social/food plans are solely dependent on what you like.
[/QUOTE]
But that doesn’t have anything to do with food. That has to do with not being an ass. It’s just as true for people who try to dictate what movie everyone goes to see, or what everyone wears, or sways the conversation toward a pet topic. The problem seems to be that a lot of the eat-anything people (I won’t use the “f” word) seem to think it’s an inconvenience for the picky eater (whether they are the exclude-things people or the “I only eat from a list” people) to politely decline food and sit at the table with a glass of water, even if that picky eater is happy as a clam.

Scenario: If you (ascenray or anyone else) wanted to take a picky eater to a good restaurant for a bit of conversation, and you were sure they weren’t hungry (like they ate their chicken fingers with mayo in advance), would you eat anyway? Personally I wouldn’t care, I have gone to restaurants and had only a cup of coffee while other people ate (not because I don’t like the food, but because I wasn’t hungry) and I have eaten while other people are just having coffee or pop. But I have the feeling some of you would take affront to this, even if the picky eater was drinking something, and even if they tipped the servers (since they are still taking up space in the restaurant). Why? Is it wrong to enjoy food when someone else is not eating? And why couldn’t this tactic be used with other picky eaters like sunfish’s wing guy? He eats in advance, you get to eat a good dinner, and you all get to chat. What’s wrong with that?

211

Agreed, ascenray, and I don’t think I nor anyone else has argued otherwise. Why, we’re so darn flexible that we will go to restaurants and merely have a beverage or a salad in order to happily share your company. The tricky area is the part where you say not to inconvenience our hosts and social circle with our likes and dislikes. I keep waiting for anyone, anyone at all, to speak of any situation where they engaged in this sort of behavior, or thought it would be acceptable to do so, and no one has. In this instance, you’re preaching to the choir. Are you going to deny speaking on how it is one’s obligation as a guest to accept the host’s food offerings? That’s a whole different matter than what I quoted above, but you didn’t address that this time around.

212

[QUOTE=Athena]
Most Americans eat a variety of food; refusing to do so whether due to dislikes or gourmet tastes or because the Giant Blue Unicorn told you to only eat beets and banana leaves and then insisting that everyone else around adapt so that you can get what you want is rude.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, damn those observant, Orthodox Jews!

:rolleyes:

213

[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
Yeah, damn those observant, Orthodox Jews!

:rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]

Heh. Yeah. When I say “Giant Blue Unicorn” I really mean Orthodox Jews. You caught me. :rolleyes:

214

[QUOTE=Athena]
Heh. Yeah. When I say “Giant Blue Unicorn” I really mean Orthodox Jews. You caught me. :rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]

Well, truly, what DID you mean, other than a snarky comment about people whose religious practices sometimes mean dietary restrictions?

215

[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
Well, truly, what DID you mean, other than a snarky comment about people whose religious practices sometimes mean dietary restrictions?
[/QUOTE]

I thought it sounded like a snarky comment about religiously-based dietary restrictions, too.

216

[QUOTE=WOOKINPANUB]
Agreed, ascenray, and I don’t think I nor anyone else has argued otherwise. Why, we’re so darn flexible that we will go to restaurants and merely have a beverage or a salad in order to happily share your company. The tricky area is the part where you say not to inconvenience our hosts and social circle with our likes and dislikes. I keep waiting for anyone, anyone at all, to speak of any situation where they engaged in this sort of behavior, or thought it would be acceptable to do so, and no one has. In this instance, you’re preaching to the choir. <snip>.
[/QUOTE]

See my earlier post. There are quite a few restaurants we don’t go to because of my husband’s picky eating, and I have had to change the my cooking quite a bit. Desserts have to be chocolate. At family get-togethers, everyone worries if he will have enough to eat, even though I tell them that while I may choose to cater to him at our house, they don’t. He isn’t rude about it at all, but we can’t stand to see him sit there without eating, and like I said, he only eats about 10 things.

Don’t get me wrong–although his picky eating is a pain in the ass, he is wonderful otherwise and he is more than worth it. Even he recognizes that this is a problem, though, and sincerely wishes he wasn’t a picky eater.

217

[QUOTE=davenportavenger]
…I have gone to restaurants and had only a cup of coffee while other people ate (not because I don’t like the food, but because I wasn’t hungry) and I have eaten while other people are just having coffee or pop. But I have the feeling some of you would take affront to this, even if the picky eater was drinking something, and even if they tipped the servers (since they are still taking up space in the restaurant). Why? Is it wrong to enjoy food when someone else is not eating? And why couldn’t this tactic be used with other picky eaters like sunfish’s wing guy? He eats in advance, you get to eat a good dinner, and you all get to chat. What’s wrong with that?
[/QUOTE]
I’ve done this as well, but apparently it’s unacceptable to not be hungry. It’s downright anti-human, since all our cave-dwelling ancestors ate anything they could get their hands on, don’tcha know.

To those who responded to my comments about weight and healthy attitudes toward food, no I haven’t met many marathon runners. Somehow I suspect that marathon runners would be more accomodating to unusual dietary concerns (like, for example, “no thanks, I’m not hungry”) than the posters in this thread.

Fair point about the food snobs preferring a more sophisticated (and therefore generally healthy) diet. I was mostly responding to the concept that eating food is such a huge part of the joy of life. I trust the people espousing this attitude here are in the sophisticated healthy diet so not obese camp?

Assuming they are, I would just chalk it up to “different strokes” and likely we would both look elsewhere for companionship. Nothing wrong with that. Or maybe we would just base our friendship on things other than food. You don’t have to join me at a Giants game to be my friend, and I’m easily as passionate about my beloved G-Men as the food enthusiasts are about eating. I’m also a huge movie fan, but again you don’t have to like movies to be my friend. It sounds like, for some of you, one has to share your food appreciation in order to be your friend.

My main point about the weight thing is that one shouldn’t worry about how others have a seemingly irrational relationship with food if your relationship with food is unhealthy. Much like an alcoholic berating somebody for not liking scotch, the appropriate response is eye-rolling.

Personally, I find the attitude of “you eat what the host gives you” to be exactly opposite to what society, in the form of good manners and etiquette, should pressure us into doing. There is an unfortunate disconnect there. Hosts who can’t enjoy themselves because they are so consumed with what their guests are or are not eating or doing should not be hosts, as they clearly don’t get the concept of “make your guests comfortable.”

I get that picky eaters can be annoying. I actually agree; as I said before I’m not really a picky eater. I would find these people cited equally as annoying as you did. But that’s on the annoying people. It has nothing to do with being a picky eater, it has to do with being an asshole.

This same type of disconnect happens in smoking threads. Just because there are asshole smokers does not mean that smoking causes one to be an asshole. Similarly, just because there are asshole picky eaters, does not mean that picky eaters are by definition assholes.

One final point: For me, the best way to get over being a picky eater in childhood was to stop asking about ingredients. What I don’t know about can’t hurt me, right?

218

[QUOTE=Brynda]
…we can’t stand to see him sit there without eating…
[/QUOTE]
sigh

219

[QUOTE=Brynda]
See my earlier post. There are quite a few restaurants we don’t go to because of my husband’s picky eating, and I have had to change the my cooking quite a bit. Desserts have to be chocolate. At family get-togethers, everyone worries if he will have enough to eat, even though I tell them that while I may choose to cater to him at our house, they don’t. He isn’t rude about it at all, but we can’t stand to see him sit there without eating, and like I said, he only eats about 10 things.

Don’t get me wrong–although his picky eating is a pain in the ass, he is wonderful otherwise and he is more than worth it. Even he recognizes that this is a problem, though, and sincerely wishes he wasn’t a picky eater.
[/QUOTE]

Well, we’re getting a little closer. I think you sound like a very thoughtful lady,
Brynda and I hope he appreciates you. I mentioned a few hundred posts ago that I dated a vegetarian and when I cooked for him, I obviously altered the menu to suit his needs. I love meat and would obviously rather have meat in my ravioli than 'shrooms, but sometimes we compromise for those we care about. Sometimes

Does hubby cook for himself (or both of you) sometimes? If not, perhaps you could encourage him to do so. You did say you choose to cater to him, so, while v ery admirable, you have made that choice.

As for your family worrying if he’ll have enough to eat, I’m assuming he is a grown man and knows how to procure sustenance outside of the family table. You say he’s not rude at all, yet in repayment for his politeness he is deemed a pain in the ass. Anyone that “can’t stand to see him not eat” is creating their own drama.

Atleast you accept it when he says that he wishes he wasn’t so picky. Believe me, he is sincere, and because of your well intentioned but misguided concern, you are making it much harder on him than it is on any of you.

220

First, thanks for calling me thoughtful. :slight_smile:

As for it being a choice, it is–kind of. Imagine that you are making dinner for a group. You know my husband is coming and you know about his pickiness. Could you NOT worry about what he would eat? Could you cold-heartedly serve something you know he wouldn’t eat? I can’t, and neither can my family. I guess I don’t see how we are making it harder for him.