My ex-wife, who has custody of our 2 kids (ages 10 and 12) has decided to join the army. If I cannot get custody, what will happen to them? How does the army deal with children? I don’t want the recruiter BS, I want the real story. Specifically, I want to know:
What will their living arrangements be?
What about school?
Is there a different arrangement during and after boot camp?
I just can’t believe that their mother will be able to participate in boot camp from 9 to 5, then get to come home to a private apartment and live with the children.
Also, for any legal dopers, does this give me grounds to take custody?
Actually after boot camp this is exactly how it works It’s just like coming and going to a job
She can either live off or on the base with the children after her day wiht the army is over
::: I’m nothing near a lawyer::::
But legally if she has to go somewhere for boot camp as long as
She provides adquate care while shes away i.e grandma ect
I’ts just like leaving town for job training
Now some branches discourage dependants like special forces And the occasional place might not allow children to travel with her
But theres not much room for a suit over her joining the army that I can see
If she is assigned overseas, usually the base will provide excellent schools for dependent children on base or provide transportation and tuition to an “American school” nearby.
I would say if you are trying to use this as an excuse to get custody of the kids, you may be out of luck. Besides school accessability, the dependent children will also have access to free or at least reduced cost on medical, dental and vision care. On base day-care is also available on most bases. In addition during the summer, numerous summer camp-type programs exist for children including such programs as swimming, golf, tennis and other sports instruction.
Perhaps if she had joined the Navy and signed up for shipboard duty, you might have a leg to stand on, but as it is, it would seem she holds most of the cards.
I know of somebody going through this right now, except it’s turning really nasty. She has custody, but he won’t let her leave the area with the child, making trouble when they decide to transfer her to, say, Korea. (In many people’s eyes the guy’s not fit to be custodial). I really hope you’ll do what’s truly best for the kids, and not just pursue this because it’s what you want to do, or to be spiteful to your ex-wife. Maybe you can get them for summer vacations.
If the ex is a Single Parent, then I doubt she will be allowed to enlist, according to this site. If she is remarried, then the rules are vastly different, and your children would stay with her husband for boot camp.
The kids are with me right now, as she shipped yesterday. She is remarried, but there is no way I’d let them stay with him, as he was (and for all I know still is) a drug user. I have a lot of reasons for getting custody, I just was wondering if this would be one more thing in my favor. I also wanted to know what the kids could expect if I lost, as far as living conditions. Thanks for all the responses.
Man, that is but ONE issue! I am just now at the point where I can afford a lawyer, and I am meeting with one today. I could tell you stories for days.
WAY different story! The military seriously frowns on spouses on drugs, so any legal action you take can make a big impact there. Best of luck, and I’m glad (understatement) your kids are out of that environment at least for the short term.
Not that is has any bearing on your problem, but how old is your ex-wife? With a 12 year old kid, I would assume she’s AT LEAST mid to late 20s which seems a little old to up and join the army.
Drug use in the home could get your ex tossed from the military, even though she may not be the main participant in drug-taking. I would think that the presence of illegal drugs in the home would be counted as possession by all the adults of the home, which the military would at the least consider a dismissable offense.
A spouse that causes a lot of problems for the military member can cause the member to be counselled (administratively disciplined) and even asked to leave the service (kicked out). I am thinking here of a case I know of where a wife called the service member husband a lot at work and got him to leave work for various personal emergencies of hers; the powers that be got on his case big time.
However, FWIW “60 Minutes” ran a bit a few weeks ago hailing military on-base schools as the best that are widely available (i.e. the best outside of some of the fancier private schools).
Overall, my opinion is that it’s not a good thing for a parent with kids to try to go through boot camp and the lower ranks. Being a junior enlisted person is a tough row to hoe, and being a parent (esspecialy of really young ones) is also a tough gig. Combine the two, and you have a recipie for a disaster.
msmith: In the US, one can enlist into the Armed Forces all the way up to one’s 35th birthday (or the day before). The rationale on that is that one must retire (unless in the exalted rank of General or Admiral) by the age of 55, and thus can have the possibility of a 20-year retirement. Our Armed Forces don’t have a “vested” retirement system. With some minor exceptions, of one doesn’t make it to 20 years, no retirement at all.
I was a civilian on a military base in Europe. I was 9 when I moved there, and 12 when I came back. I know nothing of bases in Canada (let alone the States) but CFB Lahr had amazing schools, covering everything from pre-K to college, as well as many “canadian” run activities such as sports clubs, dances, etc. The base and Kaserne had their own grocery stores, movies, swimming pools, skating rinks, etc, and PMQ areas usually even had a Canex depanneur (convenience store). It was a fantastic experience for me, and my whole family - although, as I said, I experienced it as a civilian, since my mom was a teacher at one of the schools there.
I believe that there is still an American base in Heidelburg (I think - something that starts with an H), which is similar, although I only ever went there to shop
I have friends who are brats, and although some had trouble with the occasional reassignment to a new base ( I know a friend who has moved periodically through Kingston, Trenton and Petawawa all her life), they are generally alright with being brats.
I don’t know if that really helps you at all, but I had a great time on a base, and I don’t think that, in itself, would be too detrimental to the kids. Sounds like the step-father (and the mother allowing the drug use) is much more of an issue than brat life will be.
