Yeah, and I have no problem skipping out on well-paying jobs because I know I’m going to win the lottery one day, too.
Money is a big one. My ex loved to shop. Acquiring things to show off was a major life purpose. Clothes, stereo components, cars. Getting a good deal was a game, so he was always pricing things.
I came from a family that bragged about thrift and functionality and looked down on getting new clothes just to have something new or buying something that you could do without. A good deal isn’t any kind of deal if it’s something you don’t need. And if you don’t have savings, you shouldn’t be spending anything beyond bare necessities until you’ve built up a cushion for emergencies.
He, on the other hand, would plan out next month’s paycheck, guessing at the overtime. Then he’d subtrack all of the minimum payments from all of the cards (and he always had as many cards as anyone would give him), budget for the utilities and food (being frugal there, because I was the one who had to meet that budget), and then if there was, say $10 left over, that meant that he could go shopping and spend $100, because that would add $10 to the minimum payment for the next bill. Balance!
Don’t bother with savings because there would always be overtime and his salary was always going to be going up. Drove. Me. Nuts.
Yeah, we don’t have those stupid arguments **purplehorseshoe **lists, either. That would drive me nuts. If one of us has a preference about the fucking laundry, whatever. Do it that way, then. Definitely nothing we’d fight about. And the passive aggressive “nothings wrong” bullshit doesn’t happen at our house, either. If something’s wrong, say what it is like an adult and fix it. Geez. So, I don’t agree with the never fighting thing being a bad sign, I think it can just be too people who don’t blow shit out of proportion loving each other.
So, here’s mine. Don’t hook up with mean people. My sister ended up marrying a guy who would say little mean shit to her, and it just got worse and worse until she was actually afraid of him. If he or she is mean in little ways early in the relationship, just DTMFA. My husband and I may occasionally argue about something, but we are NEVER mean to each other. Personal attacks are just not on the table. Mean people suck, and you can do better.
Also: what Heart of Dorkness said, those are good.
We do not!
ahem
I think a big one is “If the person can’t make it on their own, they probably won’t be all that hot even with your help.” And you can’t save people.
Never, ever trust anyone 100%.
Yeah, falling in love shouldn’t mean turning off your brain. It’s possible to be in love and still not stupid/foolish.
We have never been accused of being reasonable.
Trust no one. Just because you were there for them doesn’t mean they will be there for you. If you sacrifice something you’ll need if the relationship ends, you’re setting yourself up for a heap of trouble.
Assume the best intentions whenever you can.
Let go of things (boy, am I working on that one). 
As you might have noticed, that has gotten me in big, big trouble, mate.
OK, I can see that one. It looks like most of the arguing examples come from people living together and the little (or big) things building up into bigger things over time.
I haven’t learned anything that’s made me a better person. How does one better perfection?
Seriously, I believe I’m a bit older than many of you chillen, and what I’ve learned is not to waste time agonizing over unrealized expectations. There are many opportunities for fulfillment throughout one’s lifetime, so if you happen to miss a train, another is sure to follow shortly.
I went through a number of attempts at managing all aspects of my relationships, each of which ended unnecessarily. When I finally allowed myself to simply experience the relationship, opportunities to enhance it presented themselves organically.
I’m with my honey bunch for more than 20 years now. I think I figured it out.
Arguing and resolving those arguments are part of growing as human beings. Learning to compromise with someone and so on.
If you never argue, you never learn how to compromise with that person because it means one person is capitulating all the time. And that’s not healthy.
Ask me how I know that…
In keeping with the spirit of the OP, something I learned from past relationships that made me better at them: how to talk about sex. In general, I’ve always been ridiculously shy and self conscious. I had a few lovers that forced me (mostly gently) out of that shell, and my sex life with my boyfriend now is absolutely incredible.
I have to second the drama-free personalities comments, too. I declared my life a No Drama Zone a few years back, and I have not regretted it since. I’ve lost a few friendships, lost track of some family members… But my life is infinitely less stressful. The other half is as drama-free as I, and that is one of hundreds of reasons I adore the hell out of him.
I have learned that I have a lot of growing up to do before I have any business having a woman in my life. (I’m 44, btw.)
OK, how do you know that?
I think that there’s a big difference between both parties negotiating to get their needs met and giving in to drama and head games. The former needs to happen, the latter needs to never happen.
The drama and head games don’t “need” to happen, but they are inevitable in any relationship where people are deeply involved.
Of course, giving in to them is never necessary, but they are going to come up unless two people are so uninvolved they just drift apart.
I don’t agree, unless your definition of each is so broad that having a personality or having bad things happen counts as drama.
Because I’ve spent 7 years, molding myself to fit around someone else, always capitulating to them for the fact that I couldn’t deal with the inevitable fallout of disagreements or displays of over emotionality. I never learned how to resolve a conflict with him because I never let there be a conflict, because I was so reliant on his attention and affection, that he’d simply have to withhold them and I’d fold like a house of cards.
I guess it’s more accurate to say don’t be afraid of arguing. That’s not to say you need to stand your ground and have a knock-down-drag-out fight over everything, but a relationship that weathers a few arguments and more importantly moves on from them is much stronger and healthier than one that has no conflict of any sort whatsoever.
Why do you have to argue to compromise???
I know my Wife very well and she knows me. I know that some things are more important to her than they are to me and visa-versa. We don’t push an agenda, we talk about it, not argue.
Married 14 years. Including building a two story addition to the house a new loft and bathroom and we are now in the process of putting another 50g in the house on another remodel (it’s a total rip and replace of the kitchen and main bathroom). No arguments yet.
I liked one color counter top, she was leaning towards something else… That’s fine. We bought samples and are looking at them. If either of us say we really like one over the other… well it’s a done deal.
We are a team of two. We have a common goal. Grow old together.