What have you overheard?

What is the strangest thing you have overheard said in public?

Last night, I heard a man talking on his cellphone with a heavy, German, Colonel Klink-esque accent say “Zee Asians Transexuals are Here!”…Of course, I walked all over the place looking for them.

Plug for a site I read everyday: Overheard in NYC

That’s the funniest thing I’ve read for days!

From a Scottish guy: “Fleets, cheeks, the manage of pain”.

I have no clue.

Oh, and “sitting on a Spanish paper school”. That one was from a woman.

Thanks for this. I wasn’t wasting enough time at work. Problem solved!

“My husband is dumb as shit but he has a pretty penis”

“What I don’t understand is how I managed to put my eye into that little can yesterday night”. :dubious:

I dunno about strange, but maybe more than she should have been sharing: Whenever I go down on a guy the back of my thighs get really sore. I assume she was having trouble with her hamstrings. I couldn’t hear what her friend’s advice was.

In a restaurant, I heard someone say, “My father was once bitten by a monkey.” In context, that’d be understandable (I think they were talking about a trip to India, and there are several tourist sites where monkeys are out and about and they’ll bite if you get too close), but it was just hysterical as a random comment.

From the young coed on the apartment balcony above mine: “I signed one of those virginity pledges before the prom, but that didn’t last long.”

I’m walking to my car in an almost empty parking lot late at night. A husband, wife and their kid are getting into their car at about the same time. The wife yelled “GET THAT OUT OF MY MOUTH!” I started rolling on the floor while laughing my ass off. I’m assuming the baby was trying to shove a toy or something at the mom but it was just too funny out of context.

Overheard from a scruffy-hipster white guy: “It was so bad, I wanted to write a rap about it.”

I have heard so many funny things. My two favourites are:

I live in a neighborhood full of immigrants mostly Mexican and Polish, and there were two little kids in a store arguing, calling the typical little kid names. They were I’d say like 7 or 8

Little Kid 1) You’re dumb
Little Kid 2) You’re stupid

Little Kid 1) You’re ugly
Little Kid 2) You’re fat

Little Kid 1) Well at least my father’s in this country legally

My second favourite is I was on a bus and two people were talking. One lady was going on to her gentleman friend about Myra. How nice Myra is and how she is a real “catch.”

Lady) And Myra is so nice and pretty
Man) I suppose

Lady) You should ask Myra on a date
Man) I don’t know

Lady) Well you could do a lot worse than Myra
Man) Perhaps after all I don’t know everyone

I don’t know that one just cracked me up so much

On my first visit to San Francisco a friend told me to do “the tourist thing” and get an Irish Coffee at the Buena Vista Cafe

I found the place about 3pm and went in to order the drink. I looked exactly like you would expect a tourist form Kansas City might look.

The only people at the bar besides me were one muscular bartender, one man in a three piece tweed business suit and one person with fire engine red hair. I honestly couldn’t tell the gender of the red haired person. But, after all, it was San Francisco and a lot of alternative attitudes were around. The two were obviously conversing but their clothes and appearance seemed to be violently opposite.

As I took a first sip on my Irish coffee I heard the business suit man exclaim to the red haired person, “You know, I could love him as a man, but I’m not sure I could love him as a woman.”

I paused at that moment with the drink about one inch from my lips. The combination of the possible meanings of that statement immediately began piling up in my head.

I glanced up at the bartender.

He stood there staring at me with a grin that silently said, “Welcome to San Francisco”

I hear a lot of things… just never outside. I work QA in a call center. But I suppose that doesn’t count.

The other day in an elevator:

“'WW1 started because the trains had to run on time for mobilization. WW2 was started by men whose claim to fame was making the trains run on time.”

I was at Goodwill this past Saturday (Half off day, AAH!) and I ended up stuck in line behind a bickering couple. The woman had fallen in love with a ginormous patchwork quilt. It was this never ending heap of maroons and blues and green and gold which would never fit in a standard washer/dryer and probably took some poor lady 30 years to make before her ungrateful children donated it after her passing.

The husband was less than pleased that this giant fabric monster was going to reside in his home, nevermind that it was “only 12.50, Harold!!”

So they finish ringing up and the cashier asks, “Do you need a bag for this?”

The husband doesn’t miss a beat, “…yeah, a GARBAGE BAG.”

I did a miserable job of stifling a laugh.

That old man is now officially my hero for the next ten minutes. That was great!

Guy who was obviously suffering from some underlying mental problems and/or effects of one or more controlled substances: “And I speak so brilliantly that they think I am the Baby Jesus, come to the temple!”

(He was on a bus I was riding, but not talking to me, so it counts as overhearing.)

The other day I was at Target and I saw 4 much-larger-than-normal-big-boned girls in the toy department getting real excited about playing naked Twister on Thanksgiving.