A few days ago, I started a [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=288411) saying how it made me sad to see my grandmother basically alone and miserable. I read the advice of some 'Dopers, and thought that maybe I could do something about it. I started small; today, I woke up, decided to do some errands since it’s my day off from school. I noticed there wasn’t really anything to eat in the house, and asked my grandmother if she’d like me to bring something back. She said she would. I asked her of a filet-o-fish from McDonalds would be good (since she doesn’t eat beef), and she said it would be. I told her I’d be back noon-ish, and went to do my errands. I bought a chicken sandwich for myself, and a aforementioned filet-o-fish for my grandmother. When I got home and presented her with her sandwich, she started bitching about how I didn’t buy fries. The whole time we were eating, all I heard was how I didn’t buy fries. She’d take a bite, chew, and then bitch about how she wanted fries and how I screwed up by not buying fries.
Well, why didn’t you buy fries? Who just buys a sandwich without any fries? Who ARE you?
Seriously, though. It wouldn’t surprise me if she hadn’t been thinking about Mickey D’s the whole time you were gone and got her mouth all set for a nice fish sandwich and some fries. And then boom- no fries.
It made the sandwich less enjoyable for her. True, she didn’t have to keep bitching about it but I find that a lot of old people don’t bother to edit themselves as much anymore. Don’t ake it too personally, you just got to hear some inner monologue said out loud.
Offer to go again and get her some fries next time. She’ll appreciate it.
I will give you the advice I need to give myself–what is important is not how it was taken, but how it was given.
Were you trying to do something nice? Did you do what you thought was right? Those are the important questions. How your grandmother chose to receive what you did was beyond your control. All any of us can do is do what we think is right. How the universe (and even a cranky grandmother) reacts is not the measure of the act we did.
Very Zen-like, eh? I am working on this myself, trying to make my depressed mother happy. Not to spoil the ending, but I don’t think it is going to work.
Not only did you crush a poor old lady’s heart by not bringing her some fries, you’ve made me get a craving for them but I can’t go get any because I’m stuck at home in a wheelchair with no one to run errands for me.
Is there no limit to your evil? I hope you’re pleased with yourself.
I would give anything to have my grandmother still alive, bitching at me for not bringing fries with the McPhish. That goes for my grandfather, too…he always bitched in spades. Then I would happily make the trip back for the damn fries.
[[[[[Memories of grandpa taking me to IN-N-OUT in Pasadena…coming back to me…fries included]]]]]
I’m just about ready to follow you through that door Mr Blue Sky.
I won’t presume to say anything like your grandma is depressed or anything like that, but I’ve seen many times when elderly people feel alone and forgotten they do any little thing they can think of to garner sympathy and attention. Guilt included. (In fact, more often than not)
Do what you can for her, knowing yourself that you’re trying your best to make her happy. Outside of that, you have to control. Good luck with it. You’re doing a good thing in trying.
Why were you trying to be nice? You sound like you were in a contest, and you’re upset that you didn’t win. If you were being nice just to make yourself feel better, then you were wasting your time. And hers.
Mmmmm, In-N-Out…I left SoCal to go to school in Oregon, and the one thing I miss more than anything is a good, fresh In-N-Out burger, fries, and milkshake on Saturday afternoons.
