I teach elementary age Sunday school. This is my second year, and I really like it. The kids are fun, I like them all, and I do my best to make the lessons interesting. Today I have had the breath knocked out of me and I need to know if I overreacted.
I was in the classroom early to set up. One of my students arrived early as well, and as we were chatting I mentioned that today’s lesson, the story of when Abraham almost sacrificed his son Isaac, had been scary to me as a child. I said "What would you think if your parent took you on a camping trip and then said they were going to sacrifice you?’’ I was speaking in a joking sort of manner. The student(call them S) said "I wouldn’t like it " I asked “Why, because you were going to be sacrificed?” S replied “No, being with my parent” I was non-plussed and asked what that meant, and S proceeded to tell me that their parent had slapped them several times when a school assignment wasn’t as good as it should have been, also poked them several times with a toothpick for errors like a misplaced commas on a piece of writing. I stuttered a bit about it, and changed the subject for the time being.
But it gnawed at me, so I have told one of our clergy about it, because I know this particular clergyperson has special training in various sorts of counseling. “C” told me I did the right thing in coming forward, and that the matter will be looked into, discreetly of course. I’m hoping that I will have to hear no more about it, that my fears are groundless. S is a good kid, seems just like the rest of them, and I’ve never noticed odd behavior or visible marking. S is, in my limited Sunday experience, a typical kid. I do not know the parent, said parent does not actually attend the church but does bring in S and a sibling to Sunday school. The last thing I want to do at this point is anything that will stop S from being able to come to class. And when I was told this information, S did not seem to be in joking mode, their manner was rather serious, for S anyway.
I fell as if there is a tight knot in my chest. I worry for S, but I also worry that I may have been precipitate in my revelation to “C”. Have any of you any advice? Has this happened to you?
I think you did the right thing. I applaud your bravery; of course you’re putting yourself in a delicate position by coming forward with this information. But you’ve put the welfare of a child first, which is where I think it should be.
I hope this all works out well for S and for you. If things go well, you’ve saved that kid from years of torment.
I’m really glad that you told someone. When I was a kid, my mom did some pretty messed up things to us as punishment. Just because a child does not show “visible” markings doesn’t mean there aren’t any. I know that my mom took care not to leave marks where they would show. But my back was a mess, from belts and other “things used to whip.” I tried to tell a few people when I was very little, but no one ever believed me. It’s great that you took this child seriously.
you absolutely did do the right thing. I work with kids in scouting and I can imagine the feeling of hearing something like that. According to the training I’ve been through you did absolutely the best thing you could have done. Bravo.
I think you did the right thing. However I would have a VERY hard time if you asked MY elementary aged child what they would think of me sacrificing them. And on a camping trip? I don’t see that as any joking sort of humor. Nothing funny about it.
1ofthegulls, I’m truly sorry if I sounded offensive. But the story is a serious one, and by using “camping” instead of the journey Abraham and Isaac made to worship, I was trying to put it in contemporary mode. And by using a “joking” tone I was at least trying to show the kid I didn’t really think something like that story would really happen now. Again, my apologies, I would * never* knowingly do anything to hurt those kids, they are too good.
I would think toothpick marks would be especially hard to spot.
And of course emotional scars can be more difficult to see because they aren’t physical bruises so much as manifested in behavior. And a person can behave in X way for any number of reasons, including parental abuse and “because it’s fun.”
It’s a difficult thing to figure out with all things considered, and much more so when you don’t have everything to consider. MHO, you did what you could:)
I agree that the story is a serious one. But I also believe that kids have enough to worry about, such as being abducted, abused, abandoned. Why add to their worries by suggesting something so far fetched? It simply isn’t necessary to instill fear in children in order to teach them a serious lesson.
I’m sure, without even knowing you that you wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt them, but a story such as this could end up a very traumatic experience for some kids.
Frankly, I’m not sure that you did enough. When I was working with kids, I was a mandated reported of suspected abuse, which meant I had to call CPS. I’m not sure I like the sound of a clergyman looking into it “discretely.” If it was me I’d want the state looking into it.
I can’t remember whether sunday school teachers fall under mandated reporters for suspected child abuse (and who knows how things vary from place to place). So, not only for the child’s best interests, but for your own, make sure this gets reported to CPS. Good for you Baker.
I want to thank those who have supported me here. The person I confided in is very astute, and based on what I know of their education and training I feel that this will be handled adequately. That’s a peculiar word, but as I have said to another poster privately in an email, this clergyperson said that once such a thing has been spoken or revealed, the church has a moral obligation to deal with it. I still have the shock, but it’s starting to lessen.
I have worked among the disabled both as a volunteer and as paid staff in various places over the last few years. One thing that was drummed into us constantly was that if there are any signs of physical abuse, we were to report it IMMEDIATELY and in the event it should happen would also be required to provide a statement for the police, dyfs and any other authorities that need to know such info.
You did the right thing, not just morally but legally as well. The best thing to do in such a situation, IMHO, is to bring it to the attention of someone in a better position to do somehting about it either by rank or training.
I think that you exhibited extremely good judgement. Without calling in the child authorities, you have nonetheless made sure that your concerns are on the record. I can only hope that the parents will have sufficient moral fiber to accept remonstrance from the clergy member and not take it out on the child.
If “S” is suddenly withdrawn from your class you may need to consider another way of having some church member monitor him during other activities. This child is at risk of further and greater abuse and, so far, you may well be the only ones who know of it.
If the child and family withdraw entirely from the church I would recommend that you then report it to the child welfare authorities. Slapping around a child for grades or mispunctuation is low down and mean spirited.
In most US states you would have been guilty of a crime if you had not reported the incident. Find out what the laws are like in your area. You may be legally required to report this. If you are and if the proper officials have not been contacted then file a report immediately. Otherwise if anything ever happens to this child and it comes out that you knew about the abuse you will go to jail.
Your position as teachers makes you subject to these requirements. If you were just a random stranger that the kid confided in then it would not be an issue, (at least in my state).