Oh. Burpo.
That is concerning.
@TruCelt…cruciferous veggies and dogs can create an explosive noxiousness. In the closed car, that was cruel and unusual punishment. Were you mad at the kids and wife?
Who did they murder?
I think I ruptured something laughing. Thanks for the giggles.
Truly, horses are the fartinest things. But the deer shocked me!
Would you rather meet a farting bear in the woods or a strange farting man?
There’s a proverb that’s attributed to Poor Richard’s Almanac, “He who lives on hope dies farting.”
I guess it refers to the insubstantial nature of hopes, but I like it because most proverbs don’t have farts in them.
When I was a teenager, my mother bought for me, as a birthday present, a Richard Pryor comedy album. It was a recording of one of his standup acts, probably from the early '70s, and there was a lot of blue language on it (something which probably didn’t occur to my mother at the time). Your post reminded me of a track on that album, specifically about farting.
The two jokes it brought to mind (paraphrasing, because I haven’t actually listened to it in decades):
- “A chick’s* gotta really dig you to fart in front of you. braaaaaaaaaapp ‘I love you!’”
- “Everybody farts. Except the pope. He don’t fart. That’s why he looks so pious. All of the Cardinals are going, (high pitched whining voice)‘Why don’t he fart? Why don’t he fart??’ If he did, it’d be like a balloon deflating: braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!”
My sister and I (who still share fart humor with each other) listened to that bit on that album over and over, laughing uproariously.
*- My apologies for the use of a dated slang term for “woman”; it’s what Pryor used in the routine.
Which gets right back to that Sumerian joke. Once you have the wedding, and the blushing bride is sitting in the dear groom’s lap, that’s when she can finally let it rip.
That was one of Le Petomaine’s most appreciated routines: a bride on her wedding night vs after six months married.
Elsewhere in French History, instead of an apple hitting him on the head, Michel Montaigne’s moment of inspiration was a nobleman who’d accidentally let rip at a banquet and later committed suicide in shame. Montaigne went far in the other direction, a bit too far for many of his readers’ comfort. Montaigne who laughs, who farts, who takes his penis for a trumpet” (Montaigne qui rit, qui pète, qui prend son pénis pour une trompette).
Besides shedding his embarrassment, he also stretched cause and effect beyond the limit.
Yup. This happened to my dad. He was recovering from sepsis from a ruptured small intestine after he had abdominal surgery, and his gut was still very fragile. But he’d been moved from intensive care to a regular ward, and was starting to eat food. But he got so constipated he couldn’t pass gas, and some part of his intestine ruptured, sending him back to intensive care.
Since then, whenever i fart, i feel just a little grateful that everything is working.
Regarding the dangers of gas: there have been (thankfully rare) serious cases of misadventure due to consumption of liquid nitrogen-laced cocktails.
Supposedly these drinks are spectacular in appearance with “smoke” arising from the cocktail glass. Unfortunates who drink them before the liquid nitrogen has dissipated have experienced rapid gastric distension and perforation due to formation of a large quantity of nitrogen gas, like this woman.
There was another case reported in Moscow last month, with fewer details.
I saw a chest and upper abdominal x-ray from a victim, posted on Twitter. It was pretty spectacular.
Another proverb (not sure who to attribute): “He who farts in church sits in his own pew.”
Thank you, Qadgop, for answering a question I was asked in all seriousness back in my med-evac days, all these years (sigh! decades) ago. One of our pilots was famous for two things: his Vietnam stories and his gas. The frequency and volume of his farts, along with his willingness to call attention to them, were remarkable!
He approached me rather sheepishly one day to ask if he could suffer harm from holding them in. The company responsible for our aircraft and pilots had offered him a plush assignment ferrying VIPs around in a Lear jet, but with a very strict prohibition on his emitting the least gas inside the plane.
I told him I didn’t think so, at least not often. But I also admitted how little time EMS training spent on unfarted farts. I should’ve looked into it, but never did. Now I finally know.
Bill, if you’re reading this, here’s your answer !
Do bears fart in the woods?
Is the Pope Catholic?
But does the Pope fart? It doesn’t seem right!
I’m hearing a song in my head, set to The Impossible Dream from Man of La Mancha - ♫ To pass the unfarted of farts…♫
Are farting bears Catholic???
See above.
This…if the Pope farts, does it clear the pews?
Gives the word “pew” a cromulent meaning.
Amen.
To answer many of these questions, you need Nicj Caruso and Danu Rabaiotti’s useful book Does it Fart?
I picked mine up in St. Johnsbury Vermont at the Science Museum while waiting for the solar eclipse a year and a half ago. Highly entertaining and well-researched. There are, indeed, animals that don’t. Although I don’t think the Pope is one of them.
The Pope most definitely farts. I bet he even laughs a little, too. He’s a man, and I am sure he does (or involuntarily happens to him) other manly things no one would want to know about.