It has come to our attention that you are the owner of a shed or outbuilding located at <address>. This shed is currently in violation of local codes X, Y and Z, pertaining to where a shed may be located, and was also erected without obtaining the required building permit.
As Happy Lendervedder said, this is business. Worse than business, this is government. As Sgt. Friday was fond of saying, “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
Why not put in some sympathy? Say "I’m afraid it has come to my attention? Or ‘regret that…’ or ‘…Unfortunatly this shed is currently in violation of…’
I’d avoid the sympathy, people getting that letter are going to think you’re a bunch of nazi’s anyway and it would just seem placating. Keep it business, its cleaner.
If you’d like tk email me, I can send you a format for a Notice of Violation that is pretty standard. You’ll have to reformat it to address any rights of appeal the property owner may have and the possible penalities, but the general format will work.
Maybe word it so that it avoids conflict altogether.
Dr Mr Shmo,
Due to a recent displacement of the Earths outtermost crust, your shed has migrated closer than the minimum distance from a neighboring fence. You may argue that it was the fence that did the migrating and not the shed but it will be no use. Your tree is the one who turned you in and he saw the whole thing.
Any question please call ( put coworkers name here)
You are cordially invited to the Get A Clue Club. [sub](positive opening)[/sub] Your butt-ugly shed isn’t where it’s supposed to be.[sub](direct and to the point)[/sub] Move it or lose it.[sub](clear and concise closing)[/sub]
Never mind the letter. You need to down a few shots of whiskey, then leave a message on his answering machine as follows: “Get yer fookin’ shed off state’s property or we’ll do it for ye wi’ an axe.”
Actually, it’s a very attractive shed. Otherwise, I think you’re on to something.
Plnnr, I’ll shoot off an email. Although this letter is supposed to be the first contact where we are supposed to be nice, it will be handy to have the notice of violation as well. Thanks!
Dear ******
If your shed were only located in a legal place as define by the laws of this county, I would willingly and with much hope ask you to meet me there for extended romantic dalliances. I envision cool spring evening sipping designer teas, listening to Vivaldi, and gazing deep into your eyes while imaging all of the things that we can achieve together.
I envision sweltering summer nights where the only noises emanating from your sadly illegally placed shed would be the snarling and growling of two people passionately sharing themselves in every possible way.
I envision frigid winter mornings with the two of us wrapped in thick woolen blankets, hands roaming, hearts thumping, and hopes rising together.
Sadly, your shed is illegally located and until it is moved 5 feet to the left, my hopes, desires, passions, and 5 gallon jars of chocolate pudding will be forced to sit idley by and dream of a brighter tomorrow.
For reference, contact the APA and ask for their Planning Advisory Service Report No. 409 “Enforcing Zoning and Land Use Controls.”
The APA can be a big help in answering these types of questions, but feel free to contact me directly if you need any more help. I’ve done this sort of thing for quite a while.
