It can’t be that bad, Zell Miller would rather die from hemlock than vote for Jim Martin
On December 2nd, the state of Georgia will hold a special run-off election between Republican Saxby Chambliss, and Democrat Jim Martin. Here to comment, is former Georgia senator Zell Miller.
Zell Miller: It’s good to be here, Seth!
Seth Meyers: So… you’re a registered Democrat, yet you’ve been campaigning pretty hard for the Republican candidate, Saxby Chambliss.
Zell Miller: **Seth, I would sooner drink hemlock than vote for that namby-pamby Jim Martin! **I mean, what kind of name is that – Jim Martin?! You know, back in my day, a guy named Jim Martin comes up to you and says he’s runnin’ for the Senate, you put him in a BARREL and send him over a WATERFALL!! I want a man up there with a name I can TRUST! A man with a name like the guys I grew up with! A man with a name like Saxby Chambliss! Or Zackamore Hooberry! Goolsby Scroggins! Mortimer Fapp! Derval Mackinaw! Ebenezer Yakbain! Jasper Quazzeltoot! I used to work in a saloon with a guy named Peabody Tilcutt! Now, I don’t know a thing about his politics, but I would vote for that man for President of the United States! Unless his running mate had a name like Jim Martin! That’s why I’m voting for Saxby Chambliss!
Seth Meyers: So, that’s the only reason you’re voting for him?
Zell Miller: What, just think of what will happen to this country if a man like Jim Martin is elected to the Senate! You know, next thing you know some guy named Mark Smith gets in there! And then John Brown! And then Mike Black! And then, soon the entire country is being run by Browns and Blacks!
Seth Meyers: You know, out of context, umm – that could sound pretty bad, so maybe you want to retract that last statement?
Zell Miller: ZELL MILLER RETRACTS NOTHING, SETH!!! ow, trust me, you do not want a guy like Jim Martin in the Senate!! Okay? You’d be much better off with a man named Bernhart Barnthistle!! Or Templeton Thappletrap! Fitzner Blout! Beezleton Kernwinkle! Kip Joggletog! You know, I’m kinda runnin’ out of names here – but you get the point! Oh, thought of another one: Clementine Dimplethippy!
Seth Meyers: So, this really is just about the name?
Zell Miller: [ outraged ] Oh, okay! It looks like we got a Jim Martin supporter here!! You’re lucky I left my scabbard in my hot air balloon!! Oh, got another one! Foster Macadoodledoodiedoo!!
Seth Meyers: [ amused ] Is that even a real name?
Zell Miller: [ stands and runs ] Oh, where’s that scabbard?! Where’s the scabbard?!
Seth Meyers: Alright, Zell Miller, everybody!