This reminded me of an incident with my husband last night. I was sitting at my computer desk and he pipes up behind me, “The dog used the wee wee pad and I just cleaned it up.”.
I turned around when he started speaking, he knew I had heard him and yet he repeated the statement.
I replied that I had heard him the first time and wondered if he was looking for applause or maybe a bj? Or did he suppose I should be offering one of these two things to the dog?
Oddly enough, I had the exact opposite thing happen to me. I was in some small business office in Chicago (maybe 6 employees) when the employees started complaining about the toner being out and the “IT guy” not being around to replace it. Because I’m a busybody, I asked them if they shook it already, a question that went WAY over their heads as they didn’t understand what I meant. To demonstrate, I walked to the printer in question, took out the toner, gave it a couple of shakes and placed it back in the machine, telling them “it should be good for another 20-50 pages”.
So the original complainant printed their document and was completely amazed that all four pages managed to print, so amazed that I was (jokingly) offered a job. :rolleyes:
Some people just like to tell things in detail, because they have detailed minds. Spouse-o-mine is one such. He explains things in exquisite, loving detail, point for point, minute by minute - in present tense, the way it happened to him. Sometimes, the explanations seem to take nearly as long as the original event. He also repeats things 2-3 times. I’ve never been able to get him to explain why he feels the need to do it like this, although I tried at one point to explain, very specifically, that I don’t enjoy stories told in present tense and am distracted by the tense to the point that I frequently hear nothing else. It didn’t help. Sometimes I do fall asleep if he’s telling stories at bedtime.
Oddly, he complains about a co-worker who does the same thing to him…but gets defensive and angry if you suggest that he’s talking too much and please to get to the point.
I don’t understand it. I’ve learned to let it just flow over me, but it often means I’m not actually so much listening as making occasional listening-noises. It’s a shame, but I don’t know another way of dealing with the sheer volume of words. Given any opportunity, he will carry on a monologue that lasts until his voice is hoarse. And it’s not that he’s uninteresting - he is, and well-read, and intelligent - it’s just not a conversation.
I don’t have to deal with such people. I am very glad. I have a friend who tells me mundane details about his work, but it’s mainly because we’re on AIM constantly, and it’s not about every action he takes but interactions he finds interesting that sometimes aren’t very.
That’s Shmucky exactly.
At one point he tried to talk to one of my coworkers (who dislikes him worse than I do) about her cats, as she had some pictures up in her cubicle. She gave him a sad look and went “I ate them…” The look on his face, and him slinking back to his cube without another word, cheered her up for the rest of the day.
I wish I could feel some sympathy, because I know what it’s like to have low self-esteem, but the guy is twice my age and grovels to anyone who’ll listen to him. It’s pathetic.
When in doubt, give the spouse a BJ. It is never the wrong response.
I just wanted to drop by and let everyone know I scooped the litter boxes, fed the cats, and washed the dishes.
I don’t buy that. The underlings I’ve had a similar issue with - the “please reassure me every goddamn day I’m doing an adequate job” demand - are baby boomers. Middle-aged women, every damn time. I feel like saying “Look, if I wanted to reassure someone on a daily basis that they’re a good girl, I’d get pregnant.” I’m not cut out to be a mommy, and I shouldn’t have to be for co-workers 20 years my senior.
I think the OP ought to respond like this:
CW: I changed the toner
SBS: Did you have to take it out of the shrink wrap? I really hate that. Why do they make it so hard to open? Sometimes you’ve got to bend a paper clip so you can poke a hole in it and start a tear. So, did you take it out of the shrink wrap?
CW: No, it was just in the box.
SBS: Yeah, boxes, those are the worse. One time when I changed the toner I gave myself a paper cut on the box! Cardboard papercuts are worse than regular paper cuts because the box is wider than a sheet of paper and it leaves a broader cut. Look, I think if I hold up my hand you can see the scar still. I think it’s this finger. Nope. Maybe this one. Did you get a paper cut?
CW: No
SBS: Well, next time, if you do make sure you put a bandage on it before you change the toner. I got toner in the cut too, and it got all infected. That’s probably why it left a scar. Of course, if you’ve got a bandaid on, you’ve got to be careful you don’t snag it on the inside of the copier…
My husband does this.
“I unloaded the dishwasher.” “I folded my own clothes.”*
great. Did you ever thank/praise me when I did it? Did you ever notice it had been done? Why do you need thanks or feedback/compliments --every freaking time? Grrr.
*this is from when the kids were little and I asked him to help with something around the house. I suggested the laundry (a good way to spend time in front of the TV and still be productive), so now he does only his own. So, he didn’t really help me at all with the laundry. I still (until I taught them when they were old enough) had to do the rest of the family’s laundry, including the bed linens etc.
Some help–to not have to wash, dry and put away 5 dress shirts, 5 pairs of socks and 5 boxers. :rolleyes:
Anyway, I don’t thank for doing his own laundry.
I just told my boyfriend some highlights from this thread, and he said:
Then he saw that I was typing and stopped his toner war story.
Gah. One of my associates is a praise-craver. Can’ t just quietly go about doing his job–has to be constantly affirmed how valuable to the team he is. Makes me nuts.
Woo hoo! Let’s hear it for cricetus! Way to go!
IMHO, the best way of dealing with this situation is to start praising him for “doing the dirty work because it needed to be done, not because you sought the glory” BEFORE he comes to you. Talk about friends who did thankless jobs, emphasising that they didn’t even ask for thanks, and eventually he (theoretically) will hope to cultivate that image by not bugging you for praise. Let him “catch” you talking with a coworker about how happy you are that someone (I think it’s bill!) has been taking out the trash and not even asking for thanks.
You’ll probably see the giddy “I did something good!” grin he can barely suppress, but you’ll get used to it and hewon’t come running to you with every new accomplishment, although he might force ways to casually bring it up in conversation. “Oh, you bought a new car? That reminds me, I had to to drive my car to the store and pick up more toner for the printer.”
Withholding praise or only giving it every now and then when he asks for it is practically begging for even more of this annoying behavior. It’s all about conditioning.
Why yes, I have had coworkers like Bill. Can you tell?
In fairness to the praise-beggers…
Sometimes people honestly really do deserve praise. And no, just not being fired is not adequate proof of doing a good job. And the truly thankless jobs - like emptying the spoiled food out of the office refrigerator, or washing up 3 days of dishes nobody else could be bothered to do - really should be acknowledged with thanks when done. Yes, and very publically. I ran into this myself when I worked in an office: if I did those things, everybody else was MORE inclined to leave everything ‘for somebody else to do’, like we had some sort of office kitchen-fairy who magically came in and cleaned up after them. Like a mom or something. Of course, I found that if I didn’t do them, nobody else did either. So when I wanted a clean fork, there weren’t any…and I had donated them all in the first place.
In short, no, I didn’t get any acknowledgement, let alone praise, and it wasn’t long before I quit bothering. And as nobody else did it either, the kitchen was rendered effectively useless. A shame. Not unexpected, but a shame.
Mrs GSV was telling me a long and involved story once about some damned thing or other. When she paused for breath, I said in my best Simon Pegg impression, “Skip to the end.”
Hilarity ensued.
One of my roommates in college bought some toilet paper for our house. I guess she thought we all didn’t acknowledge this feat, because she soon posted a sign in the bathroom showing how much toilet paper she had purchased, and on what date. So it looked like this:
Sally: 8 rolls of toilet paper 6/4
My other roommate, wrote underneath:
Jenny: 235 rolls of toilet paper, or all of it, for the whole previous year.
That shut her up. Well, about the toilet paper, anyway.
That is truly observant and insightful.
Well, perhaps they were trying to break out of the ‘never let the child think they’re good enough at anything’ school of thought they grew up with, where praise, even deserved praise, was as common as hens’ teeth. I’m not saying that overreacting in the other direction is better. But it might explain.
I’m almost not sure that this is the place I want to admit that I do this with my grown kids who live elsewhere. Some days it really does give me an energy boost to have some sort of acknowledgement for those mundane chores.
Of course, I also get a boost out of the way that the Roomba is ‘helping me’.
See, that’s your problem, you’re type GYST: Got Your Shit Together. Woe be to you in the workaday world.
You could try this: Pull the used toner cartridge out of the trash, hand it on over to the Victor, and say: “Would you like this bronzed, or will a simple memorial plaque do?”