Since I started this job in July, the office has been trying to set me up with various people, one of them being boss’s husband’s nephew. We were both at a party at boss’s house last month and he never approached me, never indicated interest. I don’t think we spoke one word to each other. When asked later, I said he wasn’t my type, and figured that was the end of it. I’m not interested in being set up anyway, but some people like to play matchmaker.
Today my boss asked a co-worker for my phone number. Co-worker gave it, thinking it was work-related. Then I get a voicemail from the nephew asking if I wanted to meet up for coffee this weekend.
I know boss’s heart is in the right place, but I feel uncomfortable with her giving out my phone number. Part of this is my fault for being wishy-washy and never clearly saying, “I’m not interested in mixing personal relationships with work.”
What’s your advice on how I handle this? I’m thinking I will approach boss and say I acknowledge the gesture, but I’d appreciate it if she wouldn’t give out my number without asking me first. I’ll apologize for not being clear enough about my intentions to keep work and personal separate.
Yikes! It sounds like you are all very friendly and that having done things outside of work blurs the line a little, even if it was at your boss’s house. I think you have the right idea in “clarifying” things with your boss, while acknowledging that you know she meant well. Just stress that you wouldn’t want anything to affect your working life.
I hate it when the office feels they need to worry about your personal life!
Yeah, that’s a real boundary violation. I wonder if it even might be a legal violation of some sort. Most definitely have a talk with her and make it absolutely clear that that was not OK.
I spoke with my boss this morning. Apparently, she got the OK from my other boss, who said I would be fine with it. I let her know I wasn’t, and that didn’t want to mix work with my personal life. She said she had some concerns about that too, that if ‘things were to change’ she didn’t want to know. She wanted to be ‘left out of it’ if I changed my mind. Why she ever got involved in the first place I don’t understand, but I know she is just trying to help.
My other boss is on currently on vacation , but I will be sure to have a long chat with him when he gets back.