What is "presence" and do you know anyone that has it?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I never had it in my life until about the start of this year, and it came about due to my gender transition (hey look, Una’s talking about her favorite subject again…)

I guess…my friends tell me after I finished the process I gained a huge amount of self-confidence. I was already a very social person since last July 2012, but a little awkward and with a little self-doubt. But I could see as I went further and further into transition, learned how to dress to emphasize by frame, learned how to make small talk, learned how to smile with my teeth and eyes, and learned how to be more confident, people noticed me. And I noticed me - I went from an ugly little intersex person in man clothes to a woman who sees herself in the mirror each morning and says “fuck yeah, you look awesome, you are awesome, so go help others and make the world a better place!”

By the last New Years, when I walked into any LGBT club, people I didn’t know would turn and look at me. G-girls and t-girls smile, and some guys do too. When I was going out dancing at my favorite club I would routinely have other girls trying to pick me up, and a few guys, buying me drinks, etc. I’ve turned down so many offers of dates, sex, threesomes, etc. it’s insane. This builds self-confidence, and “presence.” And when I reached the finish line, I just felt so full of confidence. My secretary said in my first week at work I seemed to gain 2 or 3 inches in height, and not from heels LOL, but just because I walked “with pride.”

Now when I go to events or parties, people come up and introduce themselves to me, or friends/acquaintances bring the new or visiting girls over to meet me. One time at a party I noticed with a shock that I - me - was holding court, with a semicircle of ladies around me, some sitting on the floor even, just listening to me talk, asking me questions, even a few sort-of flirting with me. It stunned me, and splashed me with a reality of how far I’d come.

This has carried itself even into my work. Now when I walk into a room, everyone looks at me, and go around the room and greet everyone with a smile, chatter to them about their kids or the weather, laugh at their jokes, then can sit down and get to business. Before, the men at work would pay attention to me, but it was more challenging - they wanted to butt heads with me (and I almost always won). Now they listen, we have a polite debate on this or that design, and everyone leaves the room with no tension. Strange but true.

Yeah, I’m about as important as the curling champion of Ecuador…but in a limited way, I have presence.

22

I know another transsexual who had a very similar life experience. From being shy and retreating and hard to notice, to someone whom you really notice at a party. I would guess that a large part of this comes from finding oneself or realizing oneself. If you don’t really feel “you are who you are,” then it’s harder to radiate that kind of outward confidence.

(Whatever presence I may have came to me in college, when I realized how different it was there from high school. “Nobody hits me here!” It was a whole new breath of life, to be free from the physical bullying and beating. I came alive that year. I also grew four inches!)

23

This thread is very interesting. I too would like to learn how to have this ‘presence’.

I’ve met a few people who have an instantly-calming effect on me. One was an art teacher. Another was the director of the Centre Linguistique. In their presence, I could relax and feel the jitteriness in my brain ease. I wonder whether that’s a part of it?

24

Santa.

25

I know a few people who seem to have a super prescence. Some of them are just very nice looking and stylish with great smiles and seem to carry an unusual confidence.

I have known others who gave off an intimidating type presence because of size or stature.

Only a few times in my life I have experienced the feeling of having prescence. It is a great feeling but I am not comfortable with it for very long.

26

I have met and encountered my share of “powerful” people, some of whom lived up to their personal reputation and some who were underwhelming, but the most interesting experience I ever had with “presence” was around 1990.

I was in Bolinas, the old-school-hippie town on the Northern California coast. I did a brief sidewalk dance with a man who was making his way across the street and up onto the boardwalk where I was passing, and he just glanced at me for a moment as we shuffled past each other. It was like getting hit by a lightning bolt wielded by Barry Bonds - nothing like anger or annoyance or any such, just ‘who are you, mortal?’ and past.

The man went into the store and I asked a woman who had stopped to watch him, “Who was that?” “Tony Serra,” she said, and moved on.