When they are both willing to work on themselves.
How do you notice this? What exactly would you observe that would lead to the conclusion?
Being made a better person thru a relationship is something a person feels inside themselves, it’s not an externally visible characteristic. IMO at least.
The Bros and their wifes:
He’s learned to control his temper. She’s lowered somewhat her need for Absolute Control. Both have learned that Their Individual (and often very different) Ways aren’t The Only Way.
He’s learned to be more adventurous; his adventures involve a lot of planning but he’s dared to do things “just because I want to and can”, which he didn’t use to. She’s learned that sometimes when people tell her they have an opinion she finds unbelievable (she’d never have it herself) they actually mean it, she’s become better at taking people at face value.
Often I see people who are calmer, better able to laugh at themselves/their worries, more “anchored”. Those who took absurd risks are less likely to do so; those who were afraid to so much as look outside the box feel safer stepping out of it.
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Good communication. No secrets generally - they can talk about things - bring issues out into the open. (This does not mean texting! It means TALKING!)
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Friends. They like to do the same things. (The family that plays together, stays together.)
At one time I would have agreed with some of the answers above, but too many times I’ve been surprised by divorces among couples I’ve known. Honestly, it sounds cynical, but money is a good indicator. If a couple has money and they are genuinely good people, they’ve got a good shot. The “genuinely good people” is the part that can be tricky to estimate.
The one couple I thought was ‘built to last’ is having major trouble now so I got nothin’.
I’ve met couples where they are each so messed up/weird/strange that you just know neither one would ever find a match other than the one they have. Those relationships seem to last forever.
The chief tell for me is if they genuinely like and respect each other; it’s disheartening how rare that is. Nothing sours me on a person quicker than hearing them insult their spouse or partner behind that person’s back.
Yeah, but every time I take them out to check the damn things stop beating.
Genuine friendship, for couples of all ages.
Mutual respect for each other and acceptance of each other as they are.
If they get on well, are sharing a cell and both have equally long sentences.
Yea, I had some coworkers that would do nothing but complain about their spouse. I mean, I get annoyed with some of the things my wife does every so often too, but I generally keep it to myself. It was a daily lunch topic with them.
Sometimes I think they’re together more for appearances than because they like each other. Or possibly the husband doesn’t want to pay alimony and child support. Which is kinda sad.
Money reduces stress quite a bit, so I can imagine it smooths over issues that a poor couple would have. Not really cynical there.
I agree with the “good people” part. If both partners are the kind to put the other first, they’ll be a success. If one or none of them is, they’re gonna have problems.
When they put each other first without thinking about it.
Indeed. I have no experience with such a thing, so I probably wouldn’t know it, even if I saw it. I don’t know any long-term unmarried couples in my personal life, and literally every successful marriage I know of in my personal experience is a second marriage.
The couple in the best marriage I’ve ever seen met in college. While they hung around together, they didn’t date each other. But they were so comfortable together, and so obviously enjoying each other that their friends called their marriage three years before they ever actually went on a date together.
What used to really get me is that, at my old job, we had a couple of happily married co-workers. They met at work, started dating after a year or so, married, and have been happily married for about 20 years. To hear other married people talk about them, you’d think they were guilty of some sort of heresy because - cue gasp - they seem to genuinely like each other, and enjoy each other’s company, even having lunch together when their schedules allow. I say “seem” because this was frequently denounced as an act. For twenty odd years. With conviction. “No one likes their spouse that much!” Seriously? Says a lot about how the speaker views marriage.
When no subjects are off limits. They can literally speak of anything that’s on their mind with out the other one feeling threatened or insecure.
When they act like two best friends and not like two lovers. They sit and talk instead of getting physical.