Writtten by Mike Leigh:
{Introductory Crawl} A formerly prosperous mining colony in the north of a grim industrial planet has fallen upon hard times, as the Emperor’s free-market policies cause mass unemployment. The formerly subsidised mines have closed and the once-booming droid factories moved off-planet where labour is cheap. The once proud colonists struggle to cling to their pride as they queue for the dole, and alcoholism, drug-abuse, domestic violence and shouting at one another in impenetrable northern accents has wrought havoc…
T’Emperor? By ‘eck, don’t talk to me about t’ fookin Emperor! {swigs pint} Smug Tory bastard, sittin’ snug on fookin’ Coruscant while we fookin’ beg! {lights cigarette} Skilled craftsman, me - an’ me Dad before me, and ‘is Dad afore ‘im. Bloody pride, that’s what we ‘ad! {throws dart} And then the cunt laid us off! Three generations of bloody pride, an’ all for nowt! T’ fookin’ Emperor! I ‘ate the cunt! {beats wife} Aye, an’ them bastard Jedi are no fookin’ better! Class struggle me arse - where were them scab buggers when we were on t’picket
line, eh? ‘Idin in fookin’ swamps is where! Talk about yer solidarity with yer actual workin’ class, eh? {coughs, kicks cat and throws up} Bleedin’ “Force be with you” my bleedin’ arse! I’ll tell ye where yer fookin’ Force is - with the bloody management, where it’s allus been. An’ now ye tell me ye want to be a fookin’ Jedi? Fookin’ capitalist lackey is more bleedin’ like it! {clips aspirant son around lughole} Poncin’ about with yer bleedin’ robes and yer fookin’ lightsabre - aye, a fookin’ blue lightsabre an’ all - blue for the bleedin’ Tories, that’s what that bleedin’ represents! {eats chips, breaks plate} By ‘eck, if ye fook off to t’ that fookin’ Jedi Academy, son, ye’re not fookin’ settin’ foot in this bleedin’ 'ouse again!
And much, much more in a similar vein, punctuated only by suicides, Stormtrooper brutality, scenes of drug abuse, more drinking, doomed hacking coughs, and greyhound racing, probably followed by drunken coughing suicide and possibly a harrowing birth or two. By 'eck.