“Mrs. Brady, the suds are calling you!”
Another Mitch Hedberg: A lot of times, I’ll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the emergency brake.
This is a little silly mistake, but I’ll report it since it’s SDMB-related. I was trying to change the font in a document and was getting frustrated that I couldn’t find the one I wanted. Geez, it’s a very common font in Word outlines, etc., where is that darn Colibri?!
That’s Calibri, doofus!! :smack:
OK, this is the thread that, after following the SD almost continuously since the AOL days, has got me to register and post.*
I’m a USAn that has been to Amsterdam 3 times, mostly to enjoy their fine coffee 
The 1st time there was me and my wife, first trip to Europe, left kids with friends we were visiting in Germany, and had 1 night to ourselves and narrowed it down to Amsterdam or Paris, it was a no-brainer to me
So we had 24 hours in Amsterdam, was one of the highlights of our trip, and at one point we stopped at an internet “Coffee shop”, was able to buy some bud and smoke it while browsing the web (this was early 'net days).
Anyhow, FF a year or 2, and the wife and I are heading to A’dam again for a concert and 3 day weekend, left the kids home with friends. Wandering around A’dam on the 2nd day, I see the Internet Coffe Shop we were in last visit. We go in, get on a computer, I proceed to fire up my hash filled bowl, and enjoy an hour of emailing the kids and friends back home, chatting with the guy running the place, and pulling huge hits on my hash bowl.
After our hour, we head out, feeling great, loving that I’m in such an historical city, enjoying my favorite hobby with my favorite person, just feeling great.
Then it slowly start to dawn on me. I was the only one smoking in the cafe. Hmmm, it didn’t really look the same as the one I remembered on the earlier trip. I kept pushing it out of my mind, than finally I realized, I just walked into a normal old “internet Cafe” which had nothing to do with “coffee” or any other mind altering substances, and just stunk up the place smoking a gram of hash! There just HAD to be Dutch folks sitting around the house later that day talking about that fucking asshole American I saw at that cafe today!
Almost 15 years later, I still get embarrassed every time I think about or tell this story.
I’d like to use this chance to apologize to every resident of The Netherlands who sees this. I’m sure I reinforced any stereotypes of arrogant Americans for the other folks in that Cafe that day!
*The last post that made me want to reply enough to register was the long ago “Does anyone really not have any friends?” thread. That should give the old timers an idea of how long I’ve been lurking, and a little pathetic insight into me for everyone reading this I tried registering back then, but the username I wanted was taken, so I said fuck it and didn’t bother. Damn you, Morbo!
Several years ago I worked as a programmer/analyst for a billion dollar company. We had just landed a new customer and I made the necessary programming and database changes needed to process their orders. According to FDA guidelines, the customer’s phone number must be printed somewhere on the packaging and labeling of the product. Okay, all done… A couple of weeks go by…
We start processing their orders and the product goes to the stores a few days later. Late in the afternoon my boss walks in my office. He hands me a piece of paper with a phone number on it and asks if I recognize it. I say noooooo… Should I? He asks me to dial the number and to put the phone on speaker… I’m extremely puzzled and a little nervous at this point. I dial the number and it begins to ring… It rings about four times and then…
(Low, sexy male voice) Hey baby! You’ve just called Tony and I’d luuuuuvvvvv to meet you! I’m up (insert sexy laugh) for just about anything, you only have to ask… Sorry Ladies, for men only! So if you’re a man’s man, Leave your name and …
What the hell? I punched the disconnect button on the phone and jumped up from my chair! My face is burning, my heart is pounding and my boss is bent over double laughing… And laughing …And laughing! … When we both finally stopped laughing, he told me that when I did the programming for our new customer’s packaging, I had transposed a couple of numbers on the phone number printed on the label. A customer of theirs had dialed it and instead of being connected to customer service, sexy boy toy Tony answered!
I was very lucky that all those involved had a great sense of humor … I had a wonderful boss at that job… And very lucky that the message was pretty clean considering what it was for…
So, yesterday I thought of this thread when I attempted to brew myself a cup of coffee with the Keurig. Did everything right except that I forgot to put a cup under the…umm…urethra. That was a fun cleanup.
mmm
One day I remembered all of that but forgot that the Keurig at work can be a little violent as it finishes brewing, and watched from across the kitchen as my very full mug shook its way right off the counter. :smack:
I took my first cell phone back to the store because it had shut itself down after I had let the battery run down to zero, and wouldn’t come back on no matter how much I charged it. Apparently, there’s this little thing called an on button, and you have to press it to turn the phone back on. Who knew?