“What CD is it with Satan talking?” my mom, curious about the Devil’s influence on my CD collection after my brother made a facetious remark about the hidden track on a Tool CD.
“I don’t get how your store is organized. Where is the Wu Tang Clan?” a customer at the store where I used to work. The whole alpha-by-genre-marked-with-signs thing can be a real bitch to comprehend.
“Celine Dion got killed in Corpus Christie,” my mom, picking me up from school back in the day.
“What was she doing down there?” I asked, puzzled but far from heart-broken over music’s loss.
Luckily, the DJ came on to inform new listeners that Selena had been shot in Corpus Christie that day.
Back when I taught college, mainly Freshman and Sophomore Math, I was asked by a student why I didn’t give everyone A’s. I was confused. He went on to explain that if I gave all A’s then everyone in the class could get good, high paying jobs.
The scene: an all you you can eat Chinese buffet in my college town.
Players: myself and my stoned friends, and at another table, some less than intelligent people.
We were sitting in the large smoking section of the place. There were only two groups there and they had to sit us at the next table.
The highlight of the conversation was
Q-: What do you call them female monks?
A- (after a nice long pause) I thinks that they’re called monkesses.
Writing this, it doesn’t come across as funny, but my friends had their backs to them and were making faces the whole time. It was a struggle to not laugh. This was going on for a good hour.
several years ago i was watching a news program that had a segment that (included, featured, i’m not sure) black people that live in russia. they either immigrated there from african countries or were born there.
so what did i hear? “the russian african-americans–” :rolleyes:
several years ago i was watching a news program that had a segment that (included, featured, i’m not sure) black people that live in russia. they either immigrated there from african countries or were born there.
so what did i hear? “the russian african-americans–” :rolleyes:
When we were in high school, my friend Hillary and our group of friends used to make fun of Hillary’s ditzball sister, Kristin. In a spectacularly stupid incident, Kristin broke her nose while roughhousing with a group of kids. For reasons not worth explaining, the reset of her nose turned into a free nose job.
So Hillary is driving 16-year-old Kristin to the doctor’s to get the postsurgery stitches out. Kristing suddenly pipes up, asking:
“Hillary, when I grow up…
will my kids get my new nose or my old nose?”
Heard this story from my aunt. It was back in 1980, she was still living at home. One day her mom bursts into her room, semi-hysterical, and blurts out, “They shot Jack Lemmon!” It was some time before my aunt was able to confirm that it was, in fact, John Lennon who has been shot.
I heard this on the radio last night so I suppose it qualifies. I don’t know if anyone here listens to the show “Love Line” but anyway it’s a sex-advice show.
A spacey-sounding 35 year-old woman calls in and says her boyfriend of three years has just been diagnosed with skin cancer that has spread to his lungs and spine. She likes to “drink his semen” and her question is, “Can I get cancer from his cum?”
When my son was a baby, he had massive, massive curls on his head. I carried him into a shop and the clerk said, “Oh, what gorgeous hair on that baby! Is it real?”
Back when I was in Scholastic Bowl (high school quiz thing), there was one member of our team who was pretty good, but suffered occasionally from moments of extreme foot-in-mouth syndrome.
When he asked what language the word tsunami came from during a one on one tournament, the other person rang in and gave an incorrect answer (they said either Chinese or Japanese, whichever is incorrect). Then my friend rang in…
Now he could have said the right answer. He also could have said “Gaelic,” “Urdu,” or “Russian,” or “French” or any langauge. Just so long as it was a language. . .
He rang in. “Mexican?”
I actually half got out of my chair and went “JASON!”
About a month later, in a common class, we had someone from the UK come talk to our class (she was the dance choreographer from Elizabeth. This same friend of mine, during the question/answer session, asked, “When N’sync releases an album over there, do they sing in British?”
Jadis: It’s a bit by Louis Black, stand-up comedian and Daily Show correspondent. It is, according to his act, the stupidest thing he has ever heard anyone say. One of his shows that’s on Infinite Rotation on Comedy Central has him doing this routine.
Next time you’re there, PLEASE pick up one for me (with hot dog). I haven’t had a good hot dog since my school daze at UAB.
Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard?
“Drugs are murdering our children.” – George Bush the Elder
Every time I think of it, I get the mental image of a hypodermic needle chasing a 5-year-old down the street.
I heard a woman in Blockbuster say she didn’t want a widescreen version of a movie because “they cut off the top and bottom of the picture and there might be something there” that she needs to see.
She could not understand the concept of widescreen, no matter how many times the BB guy explained it to her. She was convinced they cut off the top and bottom of the picture.
I had tears running down my face from reading this. We had a little pictionary group going when I was in high school comprised of two people of above average smarts (me and a friend) two normally smart people, and two gals who probably shouldn’t even have been around anything as sharp as a pen or pencil. One of the most memorable was the word “library” for which I drew a book (she said “Book!”) I nodded and drew a building (she said "building!) I drew an arrow from the book to the building and she yelled “Book building! Book building! What? It’s not book building?!?! BOOK BUILDING!” We must’ve tormented her about that for years. (“Gotta stop off at the BOOK BUILDING and return these!”) You could start a whole thread on stupid Pictionary responses alone.
The most jaw-droppingly stupid thing I can remember anyone saying happened when I was a kid and my mom took me to Sears (possibly Wards, but what’s the dif?) and found a pair of $14 jeans marked 50% off. We took them up to the register and the gal couldn’t figure out how much to charge us. My mom patiently hinted “Seven dollars?” The woman stared at the tag and said “Seven dollars is the price or I take seven dollars off?”
