Wow! It isn’t often you hear funny s**t like that! 
My vote still goes to “If English was good enough for Jesus…” I’m still grinning over that one.
OK, loudmouth in line in front of me in the store is complaining about DirectTV. Apparently his picture was having problems. So he called customer support. He complained about the picture, and the support rep responded “Sir, there is unusual sunspot activity right now, it can interfere with the signal.” He then stated; very loudly, according to him: “That doesn’t explain it, it’s 7 o’clock at night! Fix my problem!” I began chuckling, thinking of a few ways to fix his problem. He just looked at me.
Hey, this is actually good enough for an entry in this thread!
I realise that what you’re saying is “a motorbike has a rear brake too”, but I just wanted to clarify that braking a motorcyle by the rear brake alone is very risky, and will greatly increase your chances of laying it down.
Thank you, that is all.
Some friends and I were sitting around in the library talking one day, and the subject of our student teacher history teacher comes up. A few days before someone had said that one of the names in the book was Rosco. Only about four people in our class knew what a rosco was, and we all started laughing until the teacher says somewhat angrily, “His name is not Rosco.” He said this glaring directly at one of the few people (Mr. P) who had been laughing. “He obviously knows what a rosco is,” was naturally what we were all thinking. Mr. P was also in our group in the library that day. After that he blurts out, “I learned the definition of rosco the hard way.” Of course he didn’t mean it that way, but it was damn funny and damn stupid of him to give us more stuff to make fun of him about.
WTF is a rosco? Roscoe-slang for hangun? A canal village in Ohio?
Well, I suppose it’s possible, but… well, judge from the photos whether this thing would be easy to miss.
Some friends and I were sitting around in the library talking one day, and the subject of our student teacher history teacher comes up. A few days before someone had said that one of the names in the book was Rosco. Only about four people in our class knew what a rosco was, and we all started laughing until the teacher says somewhat angrily, “His name is not Rosco.” He said this glaring directly at one of the few people (Mr. P) who had been laughing. “He obviously knows what a rosco is,” was naturally what we were all thinking. Mr. P was also in our group in the library that day. After that he blurts out, “I learned the definition of rosco the hard way.” Of course he didn’t mean it that way, but it was damn funny and damn stupid of him to give us more stuff to make fun of him about.
My ex boyfriend was completely convinced that cigarette smoke was drawn to light and that is why it floated upwards.
I have you all beat. One time waaaaaaaay back in High School, I had the pleasure of hearing one of the dumbest oafs declare, loudly and proudly, that…
“Jimmy Hendrix didn’t play the guitar!”
Maybe he was right…but Jimi Hendrix sure did!
Hey, quiet, I never claimed to be a music person.
And I type phonetically.
So lick my SPOOFIE ass.
My roommate, who is quite a smart guy, has trouble attaching words to his thoughts, and often says things that we throw around for a long time as a joke. When he thinks about it, he’ll ask someone what the word he wants is (for example, today he asked me how to say, in a scholarly way, “Socrates’ argument in [whatever] is self-righteous bullshit”)
Last year he was messing around with his skateboard in the room, and, as I watched, he jumped up really high and landed full on the center of the board, snapping it in two. I said: “What the hell are you doing? You had to know that would break it.”
His response: “I didn’t have the intention of breaking it, I just wanted to see how strong it was.”
Ooh! Ooh! I have one!
AP English, senior year of high school. We were discussing the first section of “Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” in groups. As readers may remember, on one of the first pages there’s the rhyme:
“Oh, Stephan will apologize
If not, the eagles will pull out his eyes…”
… spoken by Stephan’s mother as he hides under a table.
Anyway, we had to analyze this passage, and a guy named Charles, who was the nicest guy imaginable but not too terribly bright, all of a sudden says to his group members:
“I think I know why Stephan has to apologize. He pulled somebody’s eyes out!”
The look my English teacher and I shared at that moment was priceless.
The only time I ever wandered into a chatroom on Napster I was told by one of the inhabitants that Nirvana invented punk music. WhenI and a few others corrected him on this, some other people piped in saying, “Well they were the ones to really make it happen. No one really knew about punk before then.” I assumed these people were troling, but as the argument progressed it became clear that they really believed that Nirvana was not only punk, but that they had invented punk music.
Ah youth, thinking nothing happened before they were born.
In the past few months the dumber students at my school have managed to say the following:
“What’s an asterisk?”
“You mean Jimi Hendrix is black?”
“Where’s Egypt?”
“Where’s Europe?”
Here’s a typical example of a conversation at my school:
Imbecile, to someone sitting in an odd position: You look like an extortionist! Hahaha!
Innocent Bystander: You mean a contortionist?
Imbecile: Huh? Oh, right.
Kids these days.
A high school friend once asked me, “How much beer is in an 8-gallon keg?” (I think he was trying to figure out if it was more economical to buy 4 cases or one keg, but it still came out funny.)
The same guy also said that he wasn’t going to wear his new shoes until they were broken in because they hurt his feet.
“You’re either with us or against us”
Some dumbass reviewed the boxed set Nuggets: Original Artyfacts from the First Psychedelic Era on amazon.com. Here’s what he said
At first I was speechless… Then I thought I’d die from laughter.
Denton High School, Denton, Texas, fall of 1997. Second class I have with this individual.
Not too bright kid: Where are you from?
Me: Finland.
NTBK: Oh. [small pause] …is that in Canada?
Me: blink blink Um. No.
NTBK: Oh. [small pause] …is it in Mexico?
Me: … No. Not Mexico either.
NTBK: Oh. So where is it then?
Me: Europe.
NTBK: blank stare
Me: I’m just going to walk away now.
My first impression of Texans was unnecessarily harsh.
Many suns ago, I was dating a young man whose mother was so stupid that if you turned her head right on a windy day you could hear the ocean.
One afternoon, my eldest brother came with me to their house, where he was introduced to the mother: “This is [xcheopis’ elder brother]”. Just a few minutes later, she comments on how well he and I seem to know each other. My brother jokes, “Well, I’ve known her for more than 20 years, you know.”
The mother says to my boyfriend, “Did that man really say he’d known her for more than 20 years!?”