Come down off the cross; we can use the wood
Van Hagar’s “only time will tell if we stand the test of time” always cracks me up; it’s the only high point in the song for me, unfortunately.
In Brian Adams’ “Cut Like a Knife”, I like how the title relates to the following lyrics:
…and how was I to know, that you’ve been letting go.
Now it cuts like a knife, and it feels soooooooo, right…YEAH!
Just for sheer maudlin grotesquery and delivery, there’s “I was the black sheep of the fa-mi-ly” from Terry Jacks’ “Seasons in the Sun”.
Something in the way Lou Gramm belts out “…STAY, ALL, NIGHT…Shall I, leave you, my keys?” in Hot Blooded, that well, gets my blood goin. Skeevier-lyrics-later-on bonus!
From Schools Out by Alice Cooper…
We can’t even think of a word that rhymes
Gang of Four’s “I Love a Man in a Uniform” has:
To have ambition was my ambition
I don’t get it.
Faith Hill, “This Kiss”:
Cinderella said to Snow White
Why does love get so off-course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Not overt hilarity, just the humor of a wild west “hero” who was perhaps a bungling fool. John Wesley Harding, though well-intentioned, apparently always made things more of a clusterfck.
from Reba’s masterpiece Fancy (and in an accent so think you could walk a mouse across it)
“Your Pa’s runned off and I’m real sick and the baby’s going to starve to death”
a dire situation, indeed.
Zevon needs to be represented. I’ve mentioned this line before, but in “Desperados Under The Eaves,” he wrote:
Not a comic song at all, but I always laugh listening to that lyric.
It’s funny and works so well in the song.
The Refreshments and later Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers have a trove of great songs with funny lyrics slipped in. My favorite is "Down Together “I could forget the words just one more time And hope that none of you notices”
My mind was in the gutter when reading it.
The Desert Song (1929) must be a strong contender. Wonderful music, but incredibly bad lyrics for all the songs.
Also, over the top hammy acting, a totally unbelievable plot, and amateurish production… but intended perfectly seriously.
The best lyrics:
[INDENT]Riff Song
Ho! So we sing as we are riding!
Ho! It’s the time you’d best be hiding low!
It means the Riffs are abroad.
Go, before you’ve bitten the sword! [sic]
Ho! That’s the sound that comes to warn you, so
In the night or early morn you know
If you’re the Red Shadow’s foe
The Riffs will strike with a blow
That brings you woe![/INDENT]
The Riff Song from “The Desert Song” (film) 1929
From Train’s 50 Ways to Say Goodbye
Courtney Barnett’s Avant Gardener makes me smile when she sings:
The paramedic thinks I’m clever 'cause I play guitar
I think she’s clever 'cause she stops people from dying
Priorities, I guess.
Brad Paisley
Today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose
If I hit that fishin’ hole today
She’d be packin’ all her things
And she’d be gone by noon
Well I’m gonna miss her
When I get home
Barenaked Ladies songs are filled with great humor (maybe to the point of not qualifying for this thread since they could perhaps be considered comical songs).
Obvious example:
If i had a million dollars
I would buy you a house
If i had a million dollars
i would buy you some furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
More subtle (from “the old apartment”):
Why did you keep the mousetrap?
Why didn’t you keep the dish rack?
These things used to be mine
I guess they still are, I want them back
Tim Minchin mostly does comical songs, but “Drowned” isn’t really one of them. He compares what his woman’s love is like, the entire time. Here’s a bit of the third verse; the funny part to me is in bold.
Your love is like one last breath of salty air
Your love is like a map that leads to nowhere
A wine glass on a concrete floor
The overuse of metaphor
The straight ahead in a sideways glance
Like the misstep in a dance
I saw you making love with him
You forgot to close the garage door.
I always loved Neil Diamond on The Monkees A Little Bit Me A Little Bit You:
Girl
I don’t want to find
I’m a little bit wrong
And you’re a little bit right.
(that sort of concession never won me many arguments).