Recently I listened to Meat Loaf’s “Bat Out of Hell” for the first time in a long time. Out of all of the great tunes on that record (that’s how old I am, when it came out it was on a LP Record), I like “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” the best, because it has what for my money is the funniest one-liner in all of music, namely, “Now, I’m praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive.” After the huge build-up to that moment, that line just kills me every time.
So what do you Dopers think is the funniest song line? Let’s have at it.
I’ve always liked the macabre punch line at the end of the Grateful Dead’s Me and My Uncle. After a story about how the amoral narrator and his uncle cheated a group of cowboys out of a bunch of gold at a poker game, he concludes
I love those cowboys, I love their gold
I love my uncle, God rest his soul.
He taught me good, lord, taught me all I know.
He taught me so well that I grabbed that gold
And I left his dead ass there by the side of the road.
You’ve reminded me of Deep Purple’s song “Knocking At Your Back Door” – I’m not sure if that song really counts as “non-comical,” since it is full of sexual innuendo (particularly about anal sex), but there’s one line, in particular, that I love for its wordplay:
So we put her on the hit list
Of a common cunning linguist
A master of many tongues
“Here’s to the Halcyon” by Old 97s is a song about a man who’s boat has sunk and he’s bargaining with God to save his life, including giving up booze if he survives.
I’ll prove to you a sinning man can turn his back on sin
Give me some fresh water, Lord, I’ll never drink again
I’ve made a small fortune and you squandered it all
You shamed me till I feel about one inch tall
But I thought I loved you and I hoped you would change
So I gritted my teeth and didn’t complain
Now you come to me with a simple goodbye
You tell me you’re leaving but you won’t tell me why
Now we’re here at the station and you’re getting on
And all I can think of is Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone
Bob Dylan:
Poor boy, in the hotel called the Palace of Gloom
Calls down to room service, says, “Send up a room”
John Prine:
Please don’t bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I’d druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don’t mind the size
Lyle Lovett:
The preacher asked her
And she said I do
The preacher asked me
And she said yes he does too
My uncle passed away last year; he donated his body to science.
His children had a memorial gathering a few months later. One of his sons (my cousin) is a bluegrass singer and guitarist, and has been in a band for many years. During the gathering, he and his band played that song, in honor of his father’s bequest of his body.
Brownsville Girl “Way down in Mexico you went out to find a doctor and you never came back
I would have gone on after you but I didn’t feel like letting my head get blown off”
Idiot Wind “She inherited a million bucks and when she died, it came to me. I can’t help it if I’m lucky”
I was doing homework while the title cut of my new Dylan album played, when I heard my dad chuckle from across the room. I realized he’d been listening to the lyrics:
It was down in Chaynee County
A time they talk about
With his lady by his side
He took a stand
And soon the situation there
Was all but straightened out For he was always known
To lend a helping hand
