I don’t know about greatest, but I have favorites.
My first: Homer Simpson is desperately trying to locate a certain instant breakfast, drink, favorite of astronauts, and manages somehow to call Bill Clinton. “I figured if anyone would know how to get some Tang, it would be you!”
My second: Ross and Rachel are getting hot and heavy in the planetarium, and suddenly Rachel glances down and says “oh, honey, that’s okay.” But he’s only rolled over a juice box.
I am sure there are many bits of dialogue from loads of shows I could say are utterly brilliant, but the first one I thought of was this: -
“Believe me, Baldrick, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me… and this pencil…”
Homer’s Doppelganger: Homer? I am not Homer. I am Guy Incognito. (Spoken with a “Continental” accent.)
One more needs a bit of context: Rocky and Bullwinkle were trapped in an elevator that was blown sky-high out of its shaft and landed safely in a river.
As they float along:
Bullwinkle: I never thought it would be like this!
When Jay Silverheels appeared on the show:
HR agent: “Reason for leaving previous employer?”
Tonto: “Him find out what ‘kemo sabe’ mean.”
When Ed Ames appeared on the show, he was playing a Native American character on Daniel Boone. Ames mentioned that he had to learn tomahawk-throwing for the role, and Johnny brought out a tomahawk and a human-shaped target. Ames threw the hatchet . . . . and struck the target in the groin. Johnny said, “I didn’t know you were Jewish!”
The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, “Easy, big fella!” And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish…
The Simpsons, season 6. While the line definitely can stand on its own as the most polished little gem in television history, the context is that Ralph Wiggum thinks he’s about to be given a prize when he’s called out about his academic performance by Principal Skinner.
Ralph Wiggum: ‘Me fail English? That’s unpossible.’
On the show Friends, the group is watching a home movie from when some of them went to prom. It shows Monica, who as an adolescent had a weight problem.
Someone makes a comment about her weight in the home movie, and she says that old adage about the camera adding ten pounds.
After a beat, Chandler replies, “so, how many cameras were on you?”
ETA: totally unrelated, but there’s always the classic Police Squad:
“Who are you? How did you get in here?”
“I’m a locksmith, and…I’m a locksmith.”
