What Is The STUPIDEST Fight You've Had With Your Significant Other?

[bengangmo]

Sceamed at because I didn’t hear her over the TV when she was calling me through a closed door…yep (she called me on the mobile phone for that one)

Yelled at for not keeping my clothes well enough organised? Yep. But darling, you don’t have to use the drawers, I fold and put away my own washing - no dice. Her answer? But I know they’re there.

Abused for ordering the wrong thing in a restaurant? Yeppers, most inddedy.
Me: this is what I want to eat.
Her: but I want you to eat this.
Me: Why? I like this other thing more its what I want plus its cheaper. If you like, buy the other thing and we can share.
Her: No I want you to eat this other dish.

[Kalhoun]

@Shirley_Ujest

Early in the years of our marriage, Mr. Ujest was watching me wash the floor and offered suggestions on how to do it better.

This, as you can imagine, goes over real well.

" The best way to get the floor really clean is to use two buckets. One for clean water and one for dirty water. That’s how Mom does it." Insert sparkly rainbows and glorious sunshine around the italicized word, m’kay, thanks.

“Uh huh…” I let it go in one ear and out the other.

“You really need to get down on the floor on your hands and knees to do it right.”

“Uh huh.” Happy with my one bucket and spongy mop thing on a stick process. Noting that in the one or two or three years since we’ve been married he has washed the floor exactly ZERO times.

He blathers on and I ignore him. Finally, after a year or so of this helpful advice I say to him in a slightly vaccuuous voice, " I don’t completely understand this two bucket thingy…"

He fell for the bait, gets another bucket and merrily gets down on his hands and knees to show me the Truest And Bestest WAY to wash the Holy and Sacred Kitchen floor amen. As he is happily getting into this task, I grab my purse and car keys and silently slip out the back door and go shopping for a couple of hours.

When I came back in later, the look on his face was priceless. " That wasn’t funny."

Heh.

That’s hilarious!!!

[Kalhoun]

@lynkster

The most memorable stupid fight my SO and I had degenerated into an actual wrestling match - a brawling, WWF-style smackdown, full of sound and fury (and signifying nothing).

My partner, being the youngest of 6 children, was spoiled something rotten by his doting mother. And so as an adult, he still has a residual “little emperor” attitude. Whereas I come from a family where we had to learn to do things ourselves and be thankful for the cuts, bruises and bleeding that resulted, by thunder (“You scraped your knee? That’s nothing! I lost an entire WOMB carrying you!”). As you can imagine, his approach to things is… different to mine.

So, on that fateful evening, we’re in the bedroom. He’s in bed reading and I’m on the computer:

Him: I’m thirsty…

Me: (Knowing what he’ll propose) Uh-huh.

(Silence for 3 seconds)

Him: Could you get me something to drink?

Me. Get it yourself.

Him: … But you’re closer to the door.

Me: What?

Him: You’re closer to the door. And therefore to the kitchen. It would take you less energy to get it for me than if I got it myself.

Me: * cold glare *

Him: I’m serious.

Me: In that case - [I get up and purposely stride across the room and stand directly opposite the door.]

Me: NOW you’re closest to the door! So get it yourself bitch - HAH!

Him: Oh YEA?? [Whereupon his royal highness gets up, sprints to the opposite corner of the room to the door]. Now YOU’RE closest to the door! So get me - OOF!!

Because at this point, I had tackled him to the ground. For that corner of the room has now become the Promised Land, rapidly changing owners as two screaming, otherwise rational, men degenerated into squabbling 5 year olds intent on a game of “king of the hill”. While I was physically larger than he was, he was more tenacious and knew some moves which comes from having 5 older siblings. Evenly matched we were, raging back and forth like the clash of the titans. The walls shook as bodies slammed against the wall, plaster flaked off, the screaming and yells providing a dreadful symphony until at last, the door to the bedroom burst open and a body came tumbling out at high speed, only to come to rest against the opposite wall.

Whereupon I picked myself up, nonchalantly dusted myself, and then with face suddenly twisted into a mask of rage, launched myself again like Sabretooth from Wolverine:Origins, and joined the battle anew. More plaster fell off the walls and ceiling.

Two minutes later, exhausted and sweaty, we lay panting on the floor. Silence. And then:

Me: I’m thirsty. You want a drink?

Him: Sure. Only if you’re offering.
[PS: No one was harmed nor punches thrown. We had a good laugh about it after. He still asks me to do things for him though.]

This conjured up a great visual! Excellent!!!

[Shirley_Ujest]

@Gala_Matrix_Fire

Very well done, Shirley.

My ex also had opinions about things he never did, like load the dishwasher, sweep the floor, and carry and deliver a baby.

I’d like to see any guy try to deliver a baby better than a woman. ( Besides that transgender man who is pregnant. )

[billfish678]

@Shirley_Ujest

I’d like to see any guy try to deliver a baby better than a woman. ( Besides that transgender man who is pregnant. )

Bahhh, if men could do it, and you either made the process involve lots of tools or lots of power or lots of beer, or just made it some kind of macho process/contest you women folk wouldnt stand a chance

[Kalhoun]

There’d be a cooler of beer and ESPN in every delivery room.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

@Shirley_Ujest

I’d like to see any guy try to deliver a baby better than a woman. ( Besides that transgender man who is pregnant. )

Back when I did OB, I think I delivered babies better than a few female colleagues I knew.

[Hakuna_Matata]

@bengangmo

Abused for ordering the wrong thing in a restaurant? Yeppers, most inddedy.
Me: this is what I want to eat.
Her: but I want you to eat this.
Me: Why? I like this other thing more its what I want plus its cheaper. If you like, buy the other thing and we can share.
Her: No I want you to eat this other dish.

Damn that reminded me of the time I went out with my ex-wife and another couple. The wife of the other couple was (and still is) insane I tells you. Almost that exact fight happened right in front of us.

We had decided to get a pizza and this particular pizza joint allowed you to get get what you wanted on the quadrant you were eating. So I order what I want, my ex wife orders hers, the whacko wife orders a veggie pizza for her quadrant. Her husband wants bbq chicken on his quarter. Sounded perfect to me–everyone got to get what they wanted to eat! win-win

My god–she abused him up and down and said stuff like ‘no one orders that on a pizza’ etc. Finally he caves in and orders a veggie to shut her up. What a bitch. He is still a friend, but I have to say I lost a lot of respect for him that day. He was the one eating that quadrant and he should have ordered what he wanted and told her to go fuck herself.

There is no way I would order something to please someone else. grr…you know it still pisses me off and this happened like 10 years ago! She is still running his life and I have to say I have little sympathy, he should have left when he had the chance.

Luckily neither my current wife or my ex would have ever done anything like that. Thank god.

[gigi]

@lynkster

Whereupon I picked myself up, nonchalantly dusted myself, and then with face suddenly twisted into a mask of rage, launched myself again like Sabretooth from Wolverine:Origins, and joined the battle anew. More plaster fell off the walls and ceiling.

:D:D:D

[TheMerchandise]

@Sailboat

To be fair, 600,000 people died over that one.

Which made his being so wrong all the worse.

[sandra_nz]

He put the washing on the wrong side of the drying rack. Yes, apparently there is a wrong side.

[overlyverbose]

@Shirley_Ujest

He fell for the bait, gets another bucket and merrily gets down on his hands and knees to show me the Truest And Bestest WAY to wash the Holy and Sacred Kitchen floor amen. As he is happily getting into this task, I grab my purse and car keys and silently slip out the back door and go shopping for a couple of hours.

When I came back in later, the look on his face was priceless. " That wasn’t funny."

I think I’m going to try this. I’m constantly getting “helpful” advice on how my husband’s family’s servants used to do things. “Oh, they used to clean the floors twice a day on their hands and knees after thoroughly sweeping it first.” Or, “You know, you really shouldn’t use that when you cook.”

My husband has even gone so far as to attempt to give me pointers on breastfeeding when my nipples were bleeding and I was crying because it hurt so much that I couldn’t stand to have my shirt against my skin. He looked completely baffled and hurt when I snarled that I would latch my son or a breast pump onto him while he was sleeping.

[gigi]

:smack: I read it as if it were this:

@overlyverbose

He looked [so] completely baffled and hurt when I snarled**,** that I would latch my son or a breast pump onto him while he was sleeping.

I hope he got the point after that!

[Kalhoun]

@overlyverbose

My husband has even gone so far as to attempt to give me pointers on breastfeeding when my nipples were bleeding and I was crying because it hurt so much that I couldn’t stand to have my shirt against my skin. He looked completely baffled and hurt when I snarled that I would latch my son or a breast pump onto him while he was sleeping.

Oh. MY GOD. That’s kind of unbelievable. Poor breastages!!

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

I won’t discuss fights with my wife. I did, however, have an insane argument with an ex-girlfriend over whether I was actually attracted to her. The thrust of her position was that I was lying when I said I was, that I actually preferred her small bosom to a larger one, and that I could not possibly wish to have sex with her. At one point in the argument she actually said, “You don’t want have sex with me. You only pretend you do so that I’ll have sex with you.”

[Malacandra]

@Skald_the_Rhymer

I won’t discuss fights with my wife. I did, however, have an insane argument with an ex-girlfriend over whether I was actually attracted to her. The thrust of her position was that I was lying when I said I was, that I actually preferred her small bosom to a larger one, and that I could not possibly wish to have sex with her. At one point in the argument she actually said, “You don’t want have sex with me. You only pretend you do so that I’ll have sex with you.”

Strange, even Babelfish’s Female English to Male English translator can’t parse that.

[Telperien]

We just had another one this weekend over the proper method to cook sausage we were having with pasta. We ended up doing it his way (because I was tired of arguing), which took forever and made a terrible mess. It still tasted fine, though, and it was pretty sweet to have him say over and over afterward, “I’m sorry, honey. You were right. We should have done it your way.”

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Malacandra

Strange, even Babelfish’s Female English to Male English translator can’t parse that.

She also got vexed that I didn’t insist that she grow her hair long. Her preferred length was very short; she often called it dykey. While she was correct that, in general, I prefer long hair on women, I was being entirely sincere when I said I liked hers short; she has excellent bone structure and skin tone and was a absolute babe when her hair was as short as mine. Thus I never insisted that she grow her hair long and never commented on my general preference for long hair. When my baby sister met her for the first time, she expressed surprise that I’d be dating a woman with such short hair, and the girlfriend was vexed that I had never pressured her to do something neither she nor I wanted her to do.

[The_Devil_s_Grandmother]

@Malacandra

Strange, even Babelfish’s Female English to Male English translator can’t parse that.

I think I speak enough insecure-in-her-body female to help.

“You don’t want have sex with me. You only pretend you do so that I’ll have sex with you.”

“You don’t want have sex with me (you’d much rather have sex with Anglina Jolie). (But since you can’t and men are rotten oversexed bastards who would have sex with unattractive sheep,) You only pretend you (like me) so that I’ll have sex with you. (thus reliving you of deadly sperm backup. Soon you will dump for me for a big-breasted woman.)”

Sweet jebus, I hope I’m wrong.

[Ludovic]

I guess I have to turn in my man card cause I totally saw that implied in the oxymoron of “You don’t really want to have sex with me, you just say you do so I will have sex with you [cause at least you beat a sock]”