Just because I’m 100% about setting the record straight:
Dude, they all work in top secret installations where the computers are highly (and improbably) explosive and there are big Self-Destruct switches on virtually every flat surface. Certainly they can read the writing on the wall.
I guess that most of the henchman got hired through ads in the back of Soldier of Fortune magazine.
Although the number of willing henchpeople in the 24 series does exceed any sort of reasonable credibility. The bad guys there seem to have more staff than several Fortune 500 companies.
You mean henchpersons. One henchman plus two henchwomen is three henchpersons. Henchpeople is their name of their ethnic group.
Not to be serious on what I think is a pretty hilarious thought, but if you ever question where people like this can be found, look at all the cults that are out there.
Being a henchman means you are accepted into a group and for many people that makes them blind to so many of the other things you mention. The world is not short on desparate, lonely people who might actually like the jump suit.
What are the benefits of being a henchman? I’m so glad that you asked. Step right this way and we’ll begin the indoctrina— I mean, orientation momentarily. Please have a seat. No, no, the wrist and ankle cuffs are merely for your own protection. From what? Err, well, some of our more impressed inductees have been known to whip out their checkbooks with such great enthusiasm that they very nearly injured themselves in the process. The metal cone I’m placing around your scalp? Why it’s just an individual cooling system, designed to keep you as comfortable as possible. Nothing to worry about. Ready now? Okay, I’ll just throw this switch here, and we’ll begin.
Benefit 1: Enlightenment
We all know that the world is a dark and ugly place, filled with pain, hatred, injustice and corruption. The Master understands. He recognizes that you’re an intelligent, valuable, person who has been passed over time and time again in favor of less worthy individuals. Well that stops today! As you enjoy this free, no-obligation video program, the Mobile Minion Maker 3000® is reprogramming your brain, so that being passed up will no longer bother you. Nor will anything else, except failing to serve the Master. Now all the mysteries of life and existence have been solved for you. And you can commit yourself, heart and soul, to the fulfilling duty of passing on to others what you have learned.
Benefit 2: Access to the Master
Okay, proximity. Sometimes you’ll actually be within the same square mile as our magnificent leader. But just by itself, isn’t that a thrill worth selling out your country for? Granted, the only time you’ll actually see the Master is if he drops in on your area for a surprise inspection, which will inevitably lead to your being put to death for shoddy work performance or casually dispatched during a random act of rage. But think of what an honor it would be, to be personally slain by…the Master!
Benefit 3: Pay
Well, not really. We don’t pay. But you won’t care if you don’t get paid, because you’re enlightened. Besides, all of your needs are taken care of. You’ll have a cot all to yourself for up to 4 hours every day. You may treat yourself to all of the nutritious and delicious gruel that you can stuff in your mouth during the work breaks your overseers permit you to take. And for heaven’s sake, stop worrying about fashion trends – clothe yourself every day in a comfortable yellow jumpsuit, appropriate for all occasions, and guaranteed to last longer than you will! With accommodations like this, who would ever want to leave?
Benefit 4: Cool gadgets
Our scientists put the “cutting” in cutting-edge technology, developing superweapons with cataclysmic capabilities. Admittedly, you won’t get to use any of them. It’s more likely that you’ll be used as a guinea pig for testing their effects. But what a thrill to be part of such a groundbreaking project! Think of the bragging rights!
Benefit 5: Sex
Treat yourself to as many partners as you want, any time of time or night. Of course, one of the side effects of the Mobile Minion Maker 3000® is the complete annihilation of your libido, so it’s unlikely that you’ll actually want any partners. But don’t say we haven’t thought of everything.
Benefit 6: Revenge
Not yours, silly. The Master’s.
With this kind of benefits package, who could possibly refuse?
It doesn’t fit for every evil overlord, but I figure that lots of evil henchmen are ideologically aligned with the evil plot. Especially if the evil overlord is preaching the whole “peace through power” thing. Or that they’re brainwashed or blackmailed until they give in.
I was going to suggest hanging out in any bar or all-night restaurant. Very often you’ll see groups that consist of one charismatic person surrounded by several others who do little but listen to what this guy has to say.
When I was a graveyard shift cook at one of these places, I saw one group of 20-somethings that came in every single night. There were about ten regular members of this group. The “leader” was an exceptionally-intelligent, creative, slightly-built guy who did most of the talking, usually speaking about ideas and concepts (he’s since gone on to be a writer, I’ve heard).
His “henchmen” mostly sat around him, listening raptly to his every word, occasionally contributing comments of their own. I picture them as the advisors and leiutenants. And, of course, there was one big, dumb guy who I swear never said a word during these get togethers. He would eat and listen, but never spoke. Obviously, he was the enforcer 
Basically, I think it’s often a matter of people with little imagination being attracted to somebody who is able to come up with the grand schemes. And there’s always the possibility of gaining recognition by association.
Aw, shucks…thanks! :o
And no more stories yet, in that series…but only time will tell what may come in the future.
In other words, he was Luca Brasi
Don’t dis Luca. He was a god among henchmen.
Or after about 9 months, 5 or more henchpersons.
Groupies! (Not safe for work.)
I’m a twenty year civil servant, and here quote a cartoon I’ve seen in a bazillion cubicles:
Two medieval kings are chatting.
One says to the other:
“I could make more money in the private sector. But in the private sector, I couldn’t chop off heads”.
One of the Monarch’s henchmen from Venture Brothers said something like “Once they closed the plant, I couldn’t get another job. Hell, I only got a G.E.D.”
Don’t forget the next lines from the other two henchmen, around the same campfire.
Monarch henchmen 2 [in a slightly dumb, addled voice]: When I met The Monarch, I was hooked on crack cocaine, I get in all kinds of trouble. Monarch turned my life around. How bout you, why’d you join up?
Monarch henchmen 3: You guys kidnapped me when I was 15!
Hey, I liked Luca, he freaking owned. He got to do a bit more in the Godfather video game (mainly he was your character’s boss/mentor for the first part of the game). Did he get to do more in the book than in the movie?
I mutht thay I don’t know much about being part of an army, but thpeaking ath a tholo henchman, there’th thertainly loadth of opportunitieth for betterment and perthonal growth in thith field, ethpecially for the ditherning Igor who can apprethiate a Mawthter who’th evil career ith on the upthwing; who’th got a few twithted plotth under hith belt and is ready to make the final push toward world domination.
Thuch pothitionth always rethult in ekthtra body partth, tho perthonal growth is almotht aththured, particularly for the keen-eyed Igor who’th looking for an upgrade. Why, if one’th lucky enough to happen upon a matching pair of legth, a thkilled Igor could find himself with five or thikth incheth of personal growth.
Thimply put: An unthwerving attention to the Mawthter’th every need. Whether it’th thetting his awfternoon tea thervithe, or climbing up the riggingth during the theathon’th WORTHT thunderthtorm to check for the theventh time that the lightning rodth are aligned jutht tho, an Igor mutht be able to keep hith attention lather-focuthed (ethpethially while he’th focuthing the latherth).
Well, thinth we Igorth are all related, there’th thertainly no need for a trade athothiation with a quarterly newthletter & clathifiedth (“Will Work for Brainth”…? How thilly…) - we jutht have a very ekthtenthive ‘grapevine’.
It ith a point of pride amongtht Igorth that there ith one of uth for every job that needth doing. Henth, no need to even apply, we jutht show up on day one already on the job when the Mawthter aritheth from hith coffin.
Thir! An Igor would be not worth hith thcarth if he ekthpected hith Mawthter to attend to thuch minutia. It ith every good henchman’th rethponthibility, nay hith pleathure to thee to all mundane detailth, thuth freeing up the Mawthter to focuth on the Big Picture. The Mawthter Plan, ath it were.
There ith an unthpoken, yet fully acknowledged rule amongtht the Brotherhood of Evil ath conthernth treatment of henchmen - there are thertain…penaltieth…known to be ekthacted for deliberately killing a loyal, hardworking Igor. We are a tightly-knit family. Tho to thpeak.
Of courthe, accidenth DO happen in our line of work, which ith why all Igorth are ekthpertth at field thurgery. Alwayth ready to thew one’th own arm back on and get right back to inthtalling that pendulum blade.
I mutht thay that every Igor I know would thtrenuouthly object to being forthed out of his favorite blood-thtained labcoat, gloveth and hobnailed bootth. Believe me when I thay dithcarded grey-matter jutht doethn’t thlide off of modern thtretchy thyntheticth like it doeth from a truthty old mold-green and gravedirt-brown Mackintosh.
And bethideth - you really don’t want to thee what a thpandekth-covered hump lookth like.
Of courthe - we do all our own. Would I trutht thomeone ELTHE to thort through a morgue and find the perfect thpethimen to replathe an impacted withdom tooth?
You, thir, have thaid it in a nutshell. Thay, I know of a pothition in Carpathia which I hear ith opening up - a keen mind like yourth might do well in thuch a thtate. Let me thee your handth… Mm-hm - dethent, but with thome tholid training, you could alwayth trade up when a truly great thet cometh along. Why not thend me your referentheth, and I’ll forward them along through channelth.
Yep. He killed the mother of his child, then forced the midwife to throw the newborn infant into a blazing furnace. They didn’t have that in the movie. Michael found out about it when he was in Italy, and met the midwife.
:eek: