Groups want apologies from nations for past atrocities.
Nations want apologies from other nations for insults, real or perceived.
Politicians demand apologies from other politicians or governments for whatever reason.
What are these apologies worth? When your mom made you apologize to your brother for breaking his toy, was there any sincerity in your words? When a president or governor or mayor voices an official apology, does it mean anything?
Dunno. Seems to me as soon as you demand that someone apologize, you’ve cheapened it. An apology should be offered, not coerced (well, OK, making a little kid apologize is a learning experience) and it should be offered only when the offending party is truly sorry.
If I hurt your feelings and you call me on it and demand that I apologize, even if I truly regret whatever I did, can you believe me if you felt you had to require it of me? Again, dunno.
But every time someone in the news demands that someone else apologize, I shake my head. It’s just so much meaningless verbiage.
Groups want apologies from nations for past atrocities.
Nations want apologies from other nations for insults, real or perceived.
Politicians demand apologies from other politicians or governments for whatever reason.
What are these apologies worth? When your mom made you apologize to your brother for breaking his toy, was there any sincerity in your words? When a president or governor or mayor voices an official apology, does it mean anything?
Dunno. Seems to me as soon as you demand that someone apologize, you’ve cheapened it. An apology should be offered, not coerced (well, OK, making a little kid apologize is a learning experience) and it should be offered only when the offending party is truly sorry.
If I hurt your feelings and you call me on it and demand that I apologize, even if I truly regret whatever I did, can you believe me if you felt you had to require it of me? Again, dunno.
But every time someone in the news demands that someone else apologize, I shake my head. It’s just so much meaningless verbiage.
I think it’s because, if you apologize, even if it’s forced, you’re admitting you were in the wrong. Most people don’t like to do that, and certainly most nations don’t like to, either. And once it’s made, the apology is irrefutable. You can’t go back and say you didn’t mean it. Once you’re in print as having said you did wrong, other nations can use that against you.
Maybe, even tho the perpetrator doesn’t really give a heartfelt apology, he is admitting (publicly) that wrong was done. It’s more for the acknowledgement of the wrongdoing than for the sincerity of the apology. It probably matters more to the kind of people who “keep score”.
Demanding appologies is simply a way for one party to make another party admit that they were in the wrong. To the person in the wrong they concede to supress further admission. The person demanding the appology gains some energy back as being the one who has the upper hand in the end. As for the efficacy of it being sincere. The sincereity is certainly a personal thing.
This is of course for interpersonal relationships not nation qipping.
A group can’t really force a nation to apologize though. They can bring things to the attention of the leaders and demand an apology. But if they get one, I think it does hold some value, because it’s not like the nation HAD to.
Whereas, a true ‘forced’ apology holds none at all. If a parent or boss makes someone apologize, or when the person actually has authority or power over the other… then the apology is worthless! Because the person is only doing it because he HAS to.
I’m forced to apologize dozens of times a day for stuff that isn’t my fault. I can attest that it’s completely without meaning. There is no sentiment behind it other than “if I apologize this cow will shut the hell up and get off my phone.”
It also depends on what is being apologized for. In Otto’s case, these apologies are pretty meaningless for both involved - “Yes, I’m terribly sorry our finance department screwed up your bill” or “I apologize a million times for this bread not being as fresh as you might like” so you really can give them out like candy, and the person receiving them should take with the requisite grain of salt. mmm … salty candy …
But if it’s something more personal or complicated like “I’m sorry we enslaved your people” or “I’m sorry I slept with someone else, but I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t been sleeping with other people since we got married” then it’s much harder to say, and therefore has that much more meaning if it is actually said.
Jeez, Otto, I know you cheeseheads like dairy and all, but apologizing to the cow? Isn’t that going a little far?
::D&R::
In all sincerity, if an apology is “forced” on a personal level, then no, it’s worthless. If it’s on the national or international level, then it has some force. For instance, when President Clinton apologized to Japanese-Americans for the relocation campaigns, that had weight and effect.
I agree. That always bothered me. Even if you demand an apology and get it, you’re that easily satisfied? Not me.
It’s kind of like when a women says, “How come you don’t give me flowers anymore?”. Then she gets the flowers. Does she say to herself, “ohhhh, he’s soooo thoughful”? No, it’s just getting over the moment so as not to hear it anymore.
IMO it’s a face thing with groups, nations, governments etc. Can mean a lot in terms of diplomacy or votes, I suspect.
With individuals possibly just ego, could maybe mean a lot in terms of, er, well, ego.
I think its a diplomatic version of gentle censure. “You did this thing that sucked, but I still want to work with you, so you have to do something so I can “forgive” you and go on with business as usual.”
I’ll apologize to the cow and the -orker if it will shut them the hell up and get them off my phone.
The corrolary to the meaningless forced apology is that when there’s actually something that’s happened to a customer that I am genuinely sorry for, the customer has been conditioned to believe that the apology is meaningless. Like today, this woman I apologized to her and she obviously didn’t believe I meant it so she went on bitching about how terribly inconvenienced she was going to be not being able to call long distance for one night. I apologized again and empathized with her and offered her solutions and she kept bitching so at that point I’m like, “I’ve apologized several times, I’ve explained how we’re going to fix it and I’ve offered you a way to dial long distance so I don’t know what else you think I can do at this point.” And her response is “your apology don’t do me no good.” Whatever, you’re right, so move past the apology, accept it for the social pleasantry that it is, and get over it (and next time pay your fucking bill when you’re supposed to and there’s no way this can happen again, dumbass).
I think sometimes we use it as a gauge to measure someone else’s integrity. If I were to say to someone, “I think you owe me an apology”, they’re probably going to do one of the following:
a. Refuse to apologize, citing they don’t feel they’re in the wrong;
b. Sincerely apologize, because they truly are sorry; or,
c. Lie to you and say they’re sorry, when, in fact they’re not.
IMO the response you get when you demand an apology from someone can shed alot of light on that person’s character.
Although I must agree, the value of an apology decreases sharply if you have to ask for it.
Now to me, this sort of apology is just so much political posturing. It’s not like his administration had anything to do with it. I see that on the same level as me apologizing for slavery - my family didn’t even come to the States till the early 1900s. I can say I’m sorry it happened, but that’s not an apology.