Old Tom! Unbeatably baaaaad beer (or bitter, or possibly stout if you prefer - yes, stout I think). You’ll be drunk before you reach the bottom of the glass… but you will NEVER reach the bottom of the glass.
Another vile tipple is Robinson’s bitter. On home turf (i.e. Stockport, England) an OK pint CAN be found, if you hunt hard enough. But it travels only marginally better than stowaways using airplane wheel arches.
On the guinness front, have to say love the stuff.
in the morning i’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly