Queens in Guatemala City, Guatemala. A literal 2 dollar strip joint (actually more like $2.40 but whose going to argue?) Inappropriate 80s soundtrack looped to play the same 4 really bad songs over and over again.
The “girls” were mostly unattractive middle aged women, and one of them had what appeared to be a C-section scar. A bit too much reality when trying to have fun with the guys. Not to say women who’ve had c-sections shouldn’t strip. It just made me think about the horrible life she may or may not lead.
Been in a couple dives, but nothing that bad, knock wood.
plnnr, where was the Goldrush and how long ago was that? I know most of 14th Street north of the Mall like the back of my hand and I’ve never heard of the place.
In Portland, ME, there is a club who’s name I have forgotten, but it’s across the street from the Home Depot. It’s a strip club at night, and a “coffee house” in the morning. I went there at 9am with a friend. I was expecting a Dunkin’ Donuts with naked people, but it was a dark, red room with one lady who tried to keep her saggy breasts covered with one hand while she checked our id’s. Once we proved we were legal, she unleashed the beasts, and we ordered coffee. She brought it, and then went over to a group of 60 to 75 year old regulars and did a sleepy little dance thing that only would have excited someone who hadn’t seen a woman in 30 years. She was missing 2 or 3 teeth, and was old enough to be my mother. When she finished her “dance,” she sat down in the corner and smoked a cig, still with no top on. The most disturbing morning of my life. Bad coffee, too.
Incubus- Yes, the KitKat club isn’t one of the best. The bouncers there are especially bad.
I’ve been in worse though- there was one in Dallas that was skanky. Note, that I also had some great times in another Dallas club.
SF has some good clubs. O’Farrell/Mitchell Bros is very good, very nasty- and very expensive. Go at least once- you’ll have your eyes opened- at least.
yeah I heard about O’Farrel’s on the radio, and had been thinking about going but right now unfortunately time and cost are an issue…maybe I’ll go when school is out.
I took my friend to the Crazy Horse but he was traumatized when he saw some woman’s genitals which he described as looking like “An Arby’s roast beef sandwitch turned on its side” :eek: though I thought most of the girl’s were pretty.
They do some crazy stuff there- any time there is a female patron they always tend to talk her into dancing topless with them. They also do some crazy stunt each night; one time when I was there they had some guy come up on stage and had him lie down and hold this glass dildo on his crotch while one of the dancers was using it :eek: I always get a bit fidgety when they mention “the special performance” or something and the first thing the dancers are doing is laying towels out on the stage O_o
Ive only been to two.
The Best:
The Circus in the Warehouse District, Cleveland, OH. It was really awesome! A girl I just started dating took me there and bought me a lapdance. Really Hot girls.
The Worst:
Just Teasin in Painesville, OH. All the girls (cept 1) were old, skanky, and looked like Crack Whores (and according to the friend that brought me actually were). The only pleasant experience was when the last girl before we left came out. She was Damn hot. Not only that, but she was a girl I had a really big crush on back in HighSchool. My friend bought me a private lap dance and damn, I was in heaven.
What’s a strip club?
Incubus, WHICH CRAZY HORSE WAS THAT???
I wanna go!
Theres 2 or three CrazyHorses in this Cleveland, OH area.
Christ, just go to AJ’s on Lincoln between San Carlos and Auzerais. It’s just a bikini bar but it’s a helluva lot closer and the women are gorgeous. Plus, it’s got a pool table.
The worst place I’ve even been was here in NYC and I can’t remember the name of it. Upstairs bar where they converted a normal dancefloor into a seating area with the stage in the middle. The stage was six inches high and maybe 3x3 and had eight stacking chairs around it. Eight. It was like being in a fishbowl. Four dancers, all skanky and the room very well lit. Just wretched.
Larry’s Villa, North Las Vegas. Lots of false teeth, dandruff, pot-bellies and watery beer-- IN PAPER CUPS!!
Oh, the humanity!
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.
I’ve only been in a few but the worst one by far was a hole-in-the-wall in Baltimore on The Block, or whatever they call it. It wasn’t on the main road, but off it. At the time, Maryland had a “no full nudity” rule, so panties had to stay on. There were about eight of us there (six in our bachelor party group) and each dancer at the end of her set would walk to the front of the stage, look nervously at the door to see if anyone was coming in, and then quickly pull down her panties in the front – male at the urinal style – to give us a “thrill.” Just felt wrong.
Of the few I’ve been to, though, the best was Teasers in Key West. Cheap drinks – same price as other bars – hot women, and just a buck got you a faceful of breasts if you wanted it. I even sent them a Christmas card that year. lol.
I think the Filth Award probably goes to The Three Captains, a strip club in Bladensburg, Maryland, right outside of Washington D.C.
They’ll let just about any girl in the world dance, and their line-up is mostly composed of skanks, middle-aged women, severely overweight women, crackheads, heroin junkies, or any combination thereof.
The place looks like it hasn’t seen a mop or a washrag in about 20 years and is so ill-lit that it’s hard to see at times. Patrons seem to be mostly unemployed white men and hispanic construction workers.
At various times at Three Captains, I’ve seen:
A. A drunken midget running rampant after being cut off by the bartender.
B. A stoned dancer falling right on her ass while on the stage, and taking about 2 minutes to get back up.
C. One dancer screaming and smacking another dancer in the face for wearing her “money” clothes.
D. A waitress making a pitcher of beer up for a customer by pouring the half-drank bottles she had collected from the tables into the pitcher and giving it a swirl. (This economical idea was recently shown in “Gangs Of New York”, and I immediately thought of Three Captains when I saw it)
I haved tried to get Asylum to go to Three Captains numerous times over the years, but he staunchly refuses.
Right- I don’t really consider it a “strip club”, but it is nice, clean, freindly- with gorgeous dancers. Not too expensive, either. 
I’m not exactly into naked women, but I find the whole thing really interesting in a sociocultural twice-a-year thing. So I’ve been to 3, all with J. Two on his birthday last year, one when we were in Reno in October.
The one in Reno, the girls were pretty, I guess, although they didn’t exactly seem inspired. I was a little put out that they made me pay to get in (I’ve been spoiled - here in town women always get in free). My $7 drink was fairly nasty but quite alcoholic, at least. But, this still cracks me up, they were fixing the lights while the girl danced on stage. They had the six foot ladder on the stage and everything. I’d always wondered why strip clubs have TVs in them - I mean, can’t you watch the game at home? I caught myself watching the game there, and I -hate- sports. The thought of the ladder still brings a smile to my face.
One of the ones I’ve been to here in town had some pretty skanky girls, and the carpet almost ate one of my shoes (and I wouldn’t have dared fight it), but at least the girls were enthusiastic, as was the crowd, and the main stage dancers were all-right looking. Plus, J made me give the stripper a dollar, providing endless amusement for the rest of our friends watching me get a lap full of stripper.
I do not remember the name of the place, however, the main attraction seemed to be a young lady with the rather astounding skill of being able to produce jelly beans at will; the David Copperfield of strippers. The crowd couldn’t contain themselves and I spent most of my time watching them jump for jelly beans as if they were home run balls. To this day, not only will I not eat jelly beans, but I will not allow them in the house at all. Don’t think I’ve been to strip club since then either.
I’ve only been to one, but boy howdy it was a doozy. I grew up not too far from Mexico and we’d often visit regular dance clubs, restaurants, etc. On a goof one night, a group of us trouped down to this place the guys had heard of. It was nasty dirty, smelly, and so incredibly dark that you couldn’t see what was scuttling along the floor, though you could certainly feel their little paws run over your feet. The women just made me feel sad, though I did feel better about my own body image, I’ll give 'em that. And you really could ask for a certain drink and be taken into the back for fun ‘n’ games with a prostitute.
This was a story told to me, but the person neglected to tell me where it happened:
He and a friend had gone to a topless/bottomless strip club. One dancer came over and was grinding all over his pal.
Later, when the left, the guy I knew kept saying, “Don’t you smell something?” After a while, they pulled over and tried to identify the source.
Seems in all the grinding, the stripper had left some residue on the shoulder of his buddy’s jacket.:eek:
The worst was in Bangkok.
I must have looked like Joe Schmuck American tourist. A guy walks up to me on the street in the middle of the afternoon, shows me some pics of some “hot babes” and said come to the club, they do all these freaky things, you like.
Ok, so out of curiosity, I go in, and a woman is performing a ping pong ball trick. Much like the one in the movie “Prescilla Queen of the Desert.” While I’m watching, the guy who had brought me there had left, they locked the doors, and said that the Coke I ordered was $20.00 – American. I tried the tough guy thing, fuck you guys, I’m calling… and they’re saying calling who asshole, fuck you man, where’s our $20.00. I then got a little scared, but I had hidden most of my money so I got out my wallet, which had about $10.00 in it, and said, ok, ok take this. By that time they were laughing, they took the money, un locked the door, and let me out.
I’m walking away thinking, I’m a 40 year old gay guy and I just paid $10.00 for a Coke and a two minute ping pong ball act. Then I was laughing.
Well,
I moved to Florida when I was 17 with my band. About a week after I turned 18 we got a gig playing at a strip club. The club was named Bertha’s. We were to play while the girls danced.
So we set up, did the sound check and then went over the set list. I had to learn a couple tunes before the show started but that wasn’t a big deal.
The first couple of songs went well. I thought to myself “Hey, I am getting paid to play guitar and watch women strip, this is a dream gig”. Then the Fat Lady came on stage.
We started playing “Walk this Way” by Aerosmith and this huge woman got on stage and started dancing. This woman had to be 300 + pounds. She started stripping and I started laughing. In fact I laughed so hard I couldn’t finish the song. Once I lost it the rest of the band followed. Only my drummer Bri, who couldn’t really see the dancing lady, kept going. The woman kept dancing and finished her strip to just drums. The emcee came up after that song ended and announced a break in the show. So we went back stage and just burst out laughing.
Bri then asked what the big deal was, why did we stop playing? Between bouts of laughter we told Bri about the dancer. Bri was really upset until the really overweight dancer walked by. Bri did a double take and then said, “She was the stripper?”. We said yes, that’s her. Bri laughed and said “You poor bastards saw her naked?”. We responded that yes, we saw her strip. Bri then started laughing.
Somehow we managed to keep the gig and the fat lady never danced again.
Slee
The one I first worked in back in 1990.
Its not there anymore, thank God.
It was called the Comet, also known as Vomit.
Such a dive.
300 lb. dancers, some that could’ve passed for guys, the owner Junior just didn’t care.