Bad stripclubs are like bad girlfriends. Sure you’re embarrassed when it’s over, but you’re still left with some good stories.
The worst I’d ever gone to was some random dive in Wheeling, WV. Being 18 and having nothing better to do, my friend and I took an hour to drive down there, to be greeted by a bar with one small stage and 4 other patrons, each of whom looked like like they believed girth was sexy and food on their straining white t-shirts accentuated said girth.
The first girl came out, and she was fairly cute, though looked as though she might have fallen down the steps on her way out. Maybe two flights, as her legs were a bit mangled and her knees didn’t have much in the way of unbroken skin left on them. However, we made the trip, we tipped her, said thanks then waited 10 minutes for the next girl.
Next a gorgeous brunette came out wearing a sun dress and showing great legs. You have to understand that I don’t like the super thin girls, but ones with nice round hips and soft legs. Of course, a flat belly along with hips just makes my mouth water, and watering it was. First, she pushed the top down, showing even more flesh which was quite appealing. Then she turned around and pushed the dress the rest of the way down, keeping her legs straight, a very stripper-esq way to remove her clothing. What we weren’t expecting is what greeted us when she turned around.
I found out that night that the Discovery channel had lied to me. Never had it been explained that humans are part of the marsupial family. Two seconds after she turned to us, her pouch cleared her hips and swung full force across her belly. I guess the club didn’t offer a well paid maternaty leave, as I can’t imagine any other reason for her to be back dancing so soon after birthing a full litter.
We quickly tipped her and tried to think of how she looked before the dress was removed.
Finally the headliner came out. September was her name. She had pictures all over the club, she had come all the way from California, though I’m now guessing they meant California, PA - about 30 minutes from Wheeling.
September herself was fairly attractive, though too thin for my taste and gave off a very strong “I’m good looking so I can be a bitch and you’ll just take it” vibe. “You’re not THAT good looking,” said my copilot from behind his zipper, as she started dancing.
I have to admit I’ve been to a lot of strip clubs. It happens when you build a website for one. Also, when you’re bored in Vegas, or LA or anywhere else my travels take me. In all of the stripclubs I’ve frequented, I’ve never seen a dance move like the one September performed.
I’m getting ahead of myself, though, as there is a bit of information you need to know about Ms. September. You see, I like cleanliness. To this regard, I enjoy the general trend of girls shaving all of their body hair in strip clubs (or anywhere else I see them). I do enjoy hair on private bits too, if well maintained and properly groomed. I must say that September looked like she had possibly gone to the bathroom moments before coming out to dance and her bits had seen something so terrifying that it sent it’s hairs on end.
Either that or she frequently uses a Vendegraff Generator as a pleasure toy.
Why are September’s 8" straight standing pubes important? Because during her dance, she would yank handfulls of them out and sprinkle them about those watching her like naughty pixxie dust. I’m very thankful that I’ve never seen this little trick repeated.
Suffice to say, not long after the pubic fairy visited us did we head for the exits. I’ve managed to not find myself in that bar since.
