Something happened to me today that got me thinking…What in the Teeming Millions humble opionon, is an unforgiveable slight in a friendship? (Short of homicide) So…fess up. What have you done, or what has been done to you that is completely unforgiveable in your book? If there is much interest, I will share my story!
well… It really depends on the friend to be honest… If you are really close with them… and they mess up once… then it is forgiveable… if you are really close but they keep doing stupid crap… then stop talking to them…
I have been the bad friend once… with thier girlfriend… all I did was give her a peck on the lips 8 years ago… and then last year we went for the same girl, but she chose me… I have never lived down the first thing… which is absurd… because we were really drunk… it was only a peck… and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t kissed that girl…
and now combine the hate for that with a girl picking me over him… forget it… the kid hates me now… and always will…
If this happened to me… I would not care…
The only thing I would get pissed at a fiend for is if they hooked up with the person I wanted to marry…
or if they stole from me… not crap like beer… but if they stole money… or valuable things
Probably lots of things I’ve done. My standards are high (higher than I can live up to myself oftentimes) when it comes to friendship. I stick to my friends like glue, but expect the same in return. Some people consider me too “high maintenance” as a result. They might be right.
Disloyalty. In any form. I had several male friends in college who I was really quite close to. One was never very good with women, and when he finally got a serious girlfriend he just disappeared. I mean, he never hung out with us, he never ate with us, he never went anywhere with us.
Of course, when the relationship hit its first snag, he wanted to discuss it with “his buddies,” but by then we all just looked at him as if to say “who the hell are you?”
Contrast this to another friend. Once I harassed his girlfriend (now his wife) while she was on the phone in his room with her mother. She wrote me a furious e-mail, with part of it stating that she wanted me out of his room anytime she was on the phone. I apologized for getting her so mad, but said that since it was his room, not hers, I would stay out only if HE said so.
He told me later that she tried to get him to do just that, but he refused to become involved. To me, THAT was loyalty. (I’ve since made up with his wife)
So, the result? Years later, I still hang out with friend #2. But I’ve spoken to friend #1 maybe twice in the last 5 years. No animosity, but I’m under no illusions as to how important his friends really are to him.
The one thing that is absolutely unforgivable no matter what, is lying to me. Once you’ve lied to me, or misrepresented a truth in any way in order to deceive me, we’re done, pal.
I can’t really think of anything else that would be totally unforgivable. Most things can be worked out.
OK, so I’ve stood it as long as I can stand it…Situation-Best friend…I mean CLOSE…suddenly doesn’t seem to give a crap about me. I’m talking BOOM, no warning, no explanation, nothing. I kind of want to talk about it, but I just think that will make the whole situation wierder-I’m talking a friend that I have inextricable (sp?) life time type ties to. Any suggestions?
I’d confront the friend. I have a friend that just went through this. She was in tears because best friend sort of cut her out of the loop. The friend denied any problem, but they are still not the same. At least you’ll know that you did everything to rectify the situation, right? Go for it.
By the way, I think most everything is forgiveable, depending on timing and circumstances. Unless it’s a pattern of bad behavior.
Been there. No suggestions, sorry. It sucks a large ,warty one though.
I’d have to say that there’s little my best friend could do that a heartfelt apology and some sort of appropriate pennance couldn’t fix.
Sex with my wife,
that’d do it, we could no longer be friends after that,
molestering my children,
murdering any of my close friends or family members
that level of thing
ignoring me because of some personal depression? nah,
go talk to your buddy, start by asking if HE’S doing ok, or if he’s mad at you or something, share your observations of his behavior in some sort of non-blaming way.
Child abuse in any form.
Taking advantage of the mentally disabled/disadvantaged (or whatever the PC term is these days).