No. Sometimes the decent thing to do is to omit . . . or even lie.
Well, for me, the OP’s definition of cheating is spot on. But then, both my hubby and I are very reasonable people!
Oooh, let me answer this one! Please? 
My hubby roller skates, and he’s very good at it. I don’t roller skate at all. He works down in Baltimore, 2 and 1/2 hours east of here. He leaves here on either Monday or Tuesday morning (he has off every other Monday) and doesn’t come home until Friday night. He roller skates every Wednesday night, and often on Tuesday or Thursday night as well. He’s trying to drop weight, and this is exercise he enjoys. I know he has had female skating partners. It’s more fun skating with a partner. I’m cool with this. But one of the partners he has is a 27-year-old African girl (I only mention that because she wasn’t raised in this country; she was very surprised that his wife “knew” about his relationship with her, and didn’t object!) I don’t object, but I did warn him to be on the lookout for her developing a crush on him. Sure enough, a couple of weeks ago, when he drove her home, she tried to kiss him. He turned his face away, but he gave me all the details. She hasn’t brought it up since, but he has said that if she tries anything like that again, he’ll have to stop skating with her!
In short, from my POV, no, that is not cheating! Not only is he not intending to do any more than skate with her, but he talks openly to her about “his wife” so she knows he’s committed, and if she develops a crush, he’s willing to call off the whole relationship so he won’t be tempted to do anything to hurt me.
I don’t understand #3 - Are you saying that spending time with a friend of the opposite sex is considered cheating? 
Huh?
That’s my point. There is no intent to be deceitful on your hubby’s part. The key word in MY definition is intent. We all know what our boundaries are. They obviously vary from couple to couple.
It’s a really good definition, maybe the best one I’ve seen so far. But I’m not sure it goes far enough. Some guys, in the position my hubby was in, might have gone farther than her trying to kiss him, with no intent whatsoever. She lives with her mother, but if she lived by herself, and my hubby was not as intent on “not cheating” as he is, it could have ended very differently. And if he had screwed her, the lack of intent would not have meant that wasn’t “cheating”.
A friend of mine once asked me if I thought a blowjob was cheating.
My answer: “What I think is unimportant, what your wife and her attorney thinks are what counts.”
Could be. More so than flirting but not so much as paying a 19 year old Russian girl to dry hump your leg.
I mean if your partner is cool with any of it, it’s not cheating. Think of it as a progressive scale of things that might make your girlfriend mad. My GF will tolerate about a 3 with occassional peaks into 4. That is to say, she tolerates the occassional visit to the gentlemans club as long is it doesn’t get out of hand (IOW, I can get a few lapdances. No champaign room shenannigans or anything).
I disagree. The concious decision to sleep with her would be an intentional act. While the intent may not be to hurt, but the action results in you being hurt.
I would disagree with the order of things here. To my wife, #4 would be FAR more serious than #5. Of course, we have a lot of good friends that we kiss when we haven’t seen them for a while, so kissing probably isn’t as big a deal. But a naked woman rubbing her privates all over the front of my pants would be very serious stuff.
Similarly, #3 would be at the very bottom of our list. We’re both active in local community groups, and she regularly has lunch or a drink with a guy and I regularly have lunch or a drink with a woman (much more since I bought this newspaper and I interview people).
Flirting is definitely a :dubious: offense, where lunch with the (female) president of a local civic group doesn’t even make the list–unless I’m trying to keep it a secret.
Doing something that you wouldn’t do if your partner was in the room.
I re-read your definition in your OP, and you are absolutely right on this one.
If you were married and your SO kissed another woman in a moment of drunken foolishness, and confessed tearfully the next day, would you divorce him? I’m seriously asking, as this is a question I hadn’t considered before now. I’m newly married, and if we were dating, I might think about dumping him, but now that we’re married? I might have to forgive it. It would make me paranoid and angry for a while, but so would dealing with divorce lawyers.
I don’t have a problem with my husband going to a strip club, but I draw the line at him being touched. That means, no lap dances. To me, it’s unacceptable that another woman touch him so intimately. Looking at other women? No problem. Everyone looks. People are just more honest about it (and more appropriately dressed for it) in a strip club.
But what if you use a ladle? HMMMMMM? Is that fair? Think of the appliances for once.
To be honest, I’ve never thought of it that way. I’m 21, marriage isn’t on the mind. I’m sure I wouldn’t but I’d be very upset. I wouldn’t be like, actively punishing him forever…but to be honest I don’t know exactly what would happen. Not divorce for a drunken kiss though. I’ve only dated sweet geeky guys that I do totally trust, so it’s never acutally been an issue. The number one rule is always ‘no cheating/lying.’ I just know I’ve been beyond wasted and had opportunites and never seriously thought about doing anything, even with guys “hotter” than the one I was dating, so if I can be good, he should be good too. I don’t want to be with anyone else, even while drunk and he’s not there, and if he wants to be with someone else, break it off, dont string me along.
See, I’d classify platonic stuff with a friend of the opposite sex as pretty normal and as belonging nowhere on the scale. I have friends who happen to be guys…I don’t see why that should bother my SO as long as I’m honest.
The lap dance, though, I don’t see how that’s not cheating. What’s the equivalent for a woman? Is your girlfriend allowed to get lap dances from male strippers? or give lap dances to her male friends?
I suppose this is a good example of why it varies from person to person/couple to couple. I had a friend whose (now ex) boyfriend used to flirt with lots of girls and it bothered her, but he continued to do it…that, IMHO, is fairly dysfunctional.
That’s key, for me. Like the way some people don’t mind their SOs meeting ex-SOs, some do - there’s no hard and fast rule, but if you feel the need to hide what you’re doing from your SO then that is cheating, for me. On a similar note, I don’t think I could stay with someone who had a definition of cheating that differed too much from mine (for example, if he considered me hanging out with my guy friends without him to be cheating).
Picking your nose is cheating?
I’ve got a good hypothetical scenario for your consideration.
Let’s say that a couple of months ago you experimented with the concept of speed dating. You met some great women, and while no great relationships ensued, you went on a couple of dates with someone, let’s call her Nina (hypothetical fake name). Saliva was exchanged. Phone calls took place maybe twice per week.
Got it?
Now let’s say that more recently, you decided to give speed dating another try. The place is full of hotties, and before the event even begins, you’re hitting on half of them, and they’re responding.
The event begins. You go to your first assigned “date.”
It’s Nina.
Cheating?
Hypothetically, of course.
As is jacking off, apparently, although that makes sense in its own twisted way.
I surprised how much some of you rate a lap dance. To me that’s equivalent to watching porn and not related in anyway to an SO giving a lap dance. Unless she happened to be a stripper and was on the clock. People have different definitions of flirting, but for me that’s worse than 3 and 4 on that list.