I’m sorry, I have to ask this question to everyone. I have AOL, and for people who have AOL, did you remember the poll about “is kissing considered cheating”? Well, I saw the results and I’m not 100% sure, but there were a good percentage of people that thought “kissing” (of course, NOT your significant other) was not considered cheating. I, for one, think that is totally wrong. Anyone disagree?
No disagreement here. Cheating is all about intent and emotion - a simple kiss can be just as harmful on that score as anything more physical.
pan
Whenever I see my best friend, I give her a kiss, even though she has a boyfriend (who I am also extremely close with).
I don’t consider this cheating. We’re as platonic as platonic can be.
kabbes said
and Spoofe added
I think you’re both right. I think the key is intent (rather than emotion, necessarily) - I know you can be very close friends with someone of the opposite sex (and therefore have some sort of emotional attachment to them) and kiss them platonically, as Spoofe said.
Of course sometimes to the outside observer, it’s not always obvious which is which 
I’m assuming there were no tongues involved here…
I think the OP means kissing for pleasure, not for a greeting. I would say ‘you betcha’. It’s cheating.
Yep; in that context, it is. I wonder if there are any cultural differences (i.e. is it somehow more allowable in some cultures)…
Well, you know oral sex isn’t really sex, and therefore it isn’t cheating…
Seriously, it depends on both intent and the terms of your relationship. There are such things as open and semi-open relationships where you can do almost anything without it being cheating.
While seconding Dangerosa’s statement that “cheating” is ultimately defined by what you and your partner define as “out of bounds,” I wanted to draw attention to kabbes’ statement and disagree. My SO and I were discussing beliefs about cheating last night, and I have to say that I feel there are a lot of situations where kissing is not as harmful as intercourse. Firstly, there are a lot of points on the way to intercourse where you could turn back while a kiss may take only a few seconds. Secondly, if five years down the road my SO tells me that he once kissed another guy or girl while we were dating, I’m more like to shrug it off. Five years after the fact and he tells me he had sex with someone while I understood we were in a monogamous relationship, I’m still going to get pissed (at being betrayed and potentially being put at risk).
Maybee…a little flirty touch on the lips is just a naughty but acceptable “play”, but I say a hot French kiss sure is cheating!!
SPOOFE - obviously I’m not talking about a platonic kiss. F’r’eaven’s sake, half my family is Greek - kissing in greeting is obligatory.
I’m talking about a passionate kiss. And to my mind, the mere existence of passion between two people adversely affects any relationship one member of that pair might have with a third party. It means that they are no longer absorbed totally by their actual SO.
Which would be more harmful to you to know that your partner had engaged in - an intense relationship involving “just” kisses that meant a lot, or meaningless sex with a stranger? I’m sure both versions would rack up a lot of votes.
But you have to consider my answer within the context of my worldview. The thing is, I must admit to being a touch bewildered by the whole cheating concept. I love my SO absolutely. As such the mere notion of cheating on her seems anathema to me. Should I ever reach the point where I desire a relationship with another woman, I would know that my love for Ms kabbes had died (not gonna happen!). At that point I would be ending my relationship anyway. To me it doesn’t matter if the expression of that desire for another is a kiss, something more intimate or even knowing deep down that I would like to do it.
After all to me sex is just the ultimate expression of passion. I can’t imagine why I would be indulging in sex with anybody I didn’t feel passionate about. And I can’t imagine why I would be passionately necking anybody I didn’t feel passionate about either. Either way I could simply not reconcile it with my love for my SO.
pan
Funny you should mention it…
I was talking to someone about this not long ago. I think intent really does have a lot to do with it. I love kissing. With or without tongue, I just love to kiss. And there isn’t necessarily any intent involved.
Like, with the SCA, the Society for Creative Anachronism, there is a game called ‘cloven fruit’ and it can involve lots of kissing with lots of other people. You take a fruit with a lot of cloves put in it, give it to someone else, and they determine a hug or a kiss, what kind of kiss, etc. I love this game! But I won’t necessarily want to cheat on my partner with the person I’m kissing. I may not even want them, as attractive as they may be. I may just want a kiss. But I also realize that I am different from a lot of people like this.
But, I would also not want to hurt my partner by kissing someone else, so I guess it should be a matter of respect. Would your partner consider it cheating? If so, then you shouldn’t be doing it. Or you really need to discuss matters with your partner and get things out in the open before you go around kissing someone else and dealing with any guilt about it.
I think the clear context of the question is romantic kisses; no one could seriously question the custom of brief kisses to cheeks that are customary for greeting and farewell.
As Dangerosa suggests, “cheating” is the violation of the agreement between partners. If you and your partner have agreed in advance that you can sleep around on weekdays, but must save your weekend lovemaking for each other, then it’s not cheating to have a Tuesday night rendezvous with that blonde waitress from the diner, but it is cheating to go by her place Saturday.
In the absence of a specific agreement, you ought to be governed by this question: if my partner could see me now, would he/she be upset at what I was doing? This analysis covers cybersex, kissing, and indeed anything that you might be inclined to do with someone else.
- Rick
Seeing as I know for a fair certainty that getting caught by my wife whilst kissing another woman for pleasure would get my legs broken, I’d have to say it counts as cheating.
Years ago, I stopped up the kitchen sink and couldn’t get it to clear. My wife thought this was completely bogus and went off on me, big time.
Me: “Hey, get a sense of perspective; otherwise, if I ever do anything seriously wrong, like have an affair, you’ll have to shoot me.”
Her: “And…?”
I got the drain cleared out, pronto.
You kiss someone else:
If you think it’s cheating, it’s cheating.
If your SO thinks it’s cheating, it’s cheating.
If neither of the above apply, it ain’t cheating.
Simple as that.
A slight hijack here, but I really have to disagree with this:
Kabbes:
Cheating is about acting, not desires. Emotions are not something that oe can control–they are as much the result of chemicals in your brain as anything. It is your actions that you are in control of, and your actions that you are responsible for. (With the caveat tha you should do your best not to wallow in inappropriate emotions, as this makes it harder to control your actions)
If my husband were to develop a crush on a woman he worked with, and he realized that this was a passing emotional response to a pretty face and a good personality but that it wasn’t really signifigant and so he chose never to act on it in any way, shape, or form, well, I wouldn’t call that cheating, I would call that faithfulness in action.
Lol! I think that’s the answer! If you want to talk about tongues. That has to be cheating. Imagine giving a simple kiss followed by a tongue. Hehe!
Manda JO sed:
So you wouldn’t mind your husband fantasizing about a coworker while in bed with you?
Andros said:
The question isn’t would I mind, but rather, is that cheating? I don’t think it is. It could come under the catagory of “wallowing in inappropriate emotions”, which I do think is harmful to a relationship over time, but which is not being unfaithful. An active, detailed, hour long fantasy about another woman would bother me, were my husband to mention it afterwards–However, were my husband to be making love to me and an image of the other woman flashed through his brain for a split second and then was discarded, I wouldn’t call that being unfaithful, I would call it being human. Expecting someone to cease to have any sexual awareness of the world around them is unreasonable, IMHO. Expecting them to remain in control of themselves 100% of the time is not.
I firmly believe that we all meet people throughout our lives that we could have fallen in love with. Unless you believe in fate, this is more or less inevitable. Neither I nor my husband are idiots–if we meet somebody with whom we share many interests and outlooks with it is likely to occur to us “If I weren’t in love with my spouse, I would be interested in this person”. As long as it stops there, it is not cheating. I can’t imagene living with the guilt someone would feel if they thought tha tsort of thing was on par wiht boinking a sttanger.
Works for me, MJ.
Did I mention that I also fondle her breasts on occasion? And, strangely, her boyfriend is fine with that, too.
Her breasts are sort of a “community property”… we’re Theatre People, what can I say?!?