Shania talented fredricks of Hollywood eye candy , Gwen Stefani likeable and Sting I want to do the superbowl because I am STING …errg.
Aerosmith good. Brittney Bad N’Sync All that is evil
I’ve been thinking of what I’d like for the Halftime show, so if the POWERS THAT BE, ever give a jingle and ask My Esteemed O-Pinion, here is my list *:
**Rolling Stones ** ( To appeal to the Aging hippie crowd, and me.)
Aerosmith (To appleal the the not as old as the hippies, and me)
**Wil Smith ** (To bring in the hip hop rap crowd, and for me.)
Frank Sinatra ( reanimated just for me, but in his forties, not the bloated Frank.)
Charlotte Church ( who is remarkably talented and will sing an acapella to blow Brittney, Chris-skank -tina Aguilerra and Cher out of the water.)
Tina Turner. ( For everyone else because even in her sixties, the woman is outstanding.)
My ideal halftime show would feature Shania Twain and Gwen Stefani, but instead of singing they’d be sitting on my face. I guess they’d have to take turns.
Immediately after the players head to the locker rooms, 64 Oompa Loompas set up a wrestling ring at the 50-yard line. Shania Twain, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Shakira and Mariah Carey are forced to face off with the WWE’s Big Poppa Pump in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. Just for variety, we throw in a few gas-powered weed whackers and two 50-foot coils of razor wire.
At the conclusion of the match, we feature an American Gladiators-type exhibition o’ fun. The Backstreet Boys, N*Sync and 98 Degrees start at one end of the field. They must run to the other end of the field, hiding behind scraps of cover along the way. Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf from the Howard Stern show is at the other end of the field behind a Lexan shield. Instead of a tennis ball gun, we give him an M-79 grenade launcher. First boy band to move all their members from one end zone to the other wins a lifetime supply of circus peanuts.
When stadium security is done mopping up, we hold a 3.5 hour long Van Halen concert.
At the end of the concert, an Airbus A380 painted with the Hooters logo lands in the center of the arena…
Let’s have a group of women in a quilting bee or have the vegamatic guy demonstrate his latest food gadget. Less noisy, more interesting and at least as pertinent to the game as what goes on now.
Start with a live version of the Bud “Catfight” commercial. Have it keep rolling from the point at the end where one says to the other, “Let’s make out.”
Or Shania and Faith making out in wet T-shirts. I could live with that.
The ideal show will feature Steely Dan playing their obscure works as true to the studio recording as possible, Pat Metheny playing whatever the hell he wants since I can’t tell any of his tracks from Adam, and an unlikely jam featuring jazz (and a few 70’s rock) standards by Diamond Rio.
This is to be viewed from the acoustic sweetspot of whatever stadium this is held in with Shania Twain and a 24-pack of Molson. Ms. (yes, “Ms.” I can dream, can’t I?) Twain would be dressed in whatever suits her, and we would peruse the show at length before abandoning it for the skybox upstairs.
I cannot elaborate further, as that would be beyond the community standards for this message board.
I need to amend my earlier pick… Let’s go with Catfight girls+Coors Football Twins+Faith and Shania have an “all skate”… free beer for all in attendance… ZZ Top plays Mexican Blackbird… that my friends is heaven, provided I am ringside!
