BWAHAHAHA!!! Can I use this? Please? I’ll leave you something in my will.
Thanks, Corvus. I had a feeling it was called “Closing Time”. No idea about the band though.
BWAHAHAHA!!! Can I use this? Please? I’ll leave you something in my will.
Thanks, Corvus. I had a feeling it was called “Closing Time”. No idea about the band though.
This is not mine, but I offer it up for the needy:
“Well, at last I got laid.”
I’m also planning, for now, on getting cremated. But there’s a couple of epitaphs that I’ve heard that I like:
“Here lies David St. Hubbins…and why not?”
-David St. Hubbins from This Is Spinal Tap
“Is this your card? a picture of the 3 of clubs beneath the line”
-Penn & Teller
The first one is from a movie, but the second one is actually a real bronze plaque. Penn & Teller bought a burial plot in a cemetary in Hollywood, expressly for finishing a trick. Thing is, they don’t do it. It’s in one of their books, with directions to the plaque.
How creepy would that be?
“Here my body lie, but still I roam”
– Metallica, Wherever I May Roam
Or
“Whoops.”
As I once told my friend Sara:
When I die, I’m gonna have a neon sign on my grave… maybe one of those Molson Canadian Lager signs, the ones with the big red neon maple leaf… or maybe a WELCOME RACE FANS flashing neon blinkylight like I saw at Watkin’s Glen once… But a neon sign. And also, I’m gonna have in my will that I want a thingy put in my grave so that when people are attracted by the flashing neon blinkylight, and they come over to read my headstone, the ground starts moving and a little fake skellington hand pops up out of the ground. And they all get all scared and fall down… and I’ll watch out the window of my afterlife and laugh…
How about the one from ‘Drowning Mona’:
Demoted Wife And Mother
It isn’t one I can use because I’m not currently a female, a spouse, or a parent - I just found it amusing.
I would put something like:
“You wore that to visit a cemetary?”
or
“I am going to follow you home and haunt your house”
"‘E’s not pinin’! 'E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E’s expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed 'im to the perch 'e’d be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E’s off the twig! 'E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!He’s fuckin’ snuffed it!.. THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!! "
–Monty Python’s “dead parrot” skit…
but just in case:
if reading tombstones is your hobby
you might as well shoot yourself
and join us.
Even though I’m getting cremated, I intend to have a tombstone in my family plot. I’ve narrowed the choices down to three:
Take me as I am or kill me again, for I shall not change.
–Marquis de Sade
The lapse of ages changes all things time, language, the earth, the bounds of the sea, the stars of the sky, and every thing “about, around, and underneath” man, except man himself.
–Lord Byron
or
For pleasures past I do not grieve, nor perils gathering near; My greatest grief is that I leave nothing that claims a tear.
–Lord Byron
PS: LOVE the Hamlet quote, DRY
“By the way, nice butt.”
One stolen from a book:
Posterity will ne’er survey
A nobler grave than this,
Here lie the bones of Castleraigh;
Stop, traveler, and piss.
“Bugger This.
I Want A Better World.”
Tombstone, hell. So far as I’m concerned, take what you can for transplants and medical science and the rest can go in the dumpster.
For the sake of argument though, I guess for me a fine epitaph would be “It seemed like a good idea at the time”.
“I died and all I got was this lousy coffin”
Oh, and my sig comes to mind, too.
— G. Raven
“It Burns”
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Soupy *
And my favorite soup:
Ubernoodel
The stock is part beef and part chicken. A couple of large leftover bones with some meat are perfect.
The veggies are parsnip, rutabaga, capsicum peppers, and radishes. Leek if you like it. (Don’t chop. Put into a wire mesh bag with the bones at the bottom of the kettle. They will be removed to eat as side vegetables.)
Add nutmeg when the noodles start to crowd out the liquid.
The noodles must be superfine and fresh egg noodles, preferably homemade, but many “premium” dried brands will do. (The “fresh dairy case noodles” are too thick, even the Angel hair, so stick to dried.)
THE KEY IS DOUBLE-AND-A-HALF NOODLES.
Take a normal amount and just put in 2½ times that.
When the noodles are cooked, it’s not soupy at all, but packed like drained spaghetti, so it piles high in the bowl. (But if you have to drain it, you used too much liquid.)
Ahh… Just like Gramma used to make!
[QUOTE]
DAMN!
i had a sure fire plan to keep this from happening.
how do you get a refund from the devil?
Hey Soupy, that’s a heck of an epitaph you got there…
“Here lies Eli”
If things work out the way I plan…
He left this world the same way he entered–between the sweaty thighs of a screaming woman
otherwise:
He was kind to children and small animals, and never killed no one that didn’t deserve it
hehehe
But seriously the one I am going to use (I have requested it to my folks and friends to be put there)
From Green Day’s Time of Your Life (which I requested to be played as well)
“For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”
Thinking about it, life truly is.