My God is a drill sergeant. He doesn’t give a shit about us, except that we follow orders, stay downrange, and complete the mission. The mission has nothing to do with us or Jesus or Buddha or ethics or morals or any kind of good. It’s all about Him. He has our name, He has our ass, and those whom He can’t break, He is happy to ruin.
If I weren’t an atheist, I’d probably follow a mixture of Celtic and Norse pantheons. Thor and I are pretty much on the same page. We like to drink, are not adverse to kicking ass when necessary, and will attack most types of giants on sight.
Stole my answer, you little… person who steals answers, you!
I guess I tend to think of there being two gods in my world.
The first god is the god of physics, logic, and mathematics. It’s a nameless, faceless god… not anthropomorphized. It’s fair and consistent, and therefore unyielding and uncompassionate. It’s the truth, and it just Is. No amount of bellyaching will change it.
And then there’s a second, kinder god, who I think of whenever life surprises me in a pleasant way. It’s a god of luck, good circumstances, karma, and cosmic rewards. This god seems to coat the cake of my life with a thick layer of karmic icing. I imagine this god reaching her hand down and saying “silly girl, just relax. Everything is going to be awesome.” This god responds very well to forethought, compassion, love, warmth, and being life-positive rather than career, money, self-interest, or civilization-positive.
Soft and somewhat round, forgiving and challenging at the same time. Filled with compassion and lovingkindness, adores peace, respects all living things. Loves fireworks and festivals, funny hats and fancy dress. A little low key, as gods go, but widely esteemed. Hears prayer in the tinkling of bells, sees it in the waving of flags. Oh, and with an knockout smile!
I’d like to think she’d be a lot like Sati
God looks like Charleton Heston and sounds like Morgan Freeman.
My what?
Mine’s grumpy, redheaded and carries a hammer. 
Yeah, as far as gods go, the Norse had it down.
He is our true family, our Father who loves and waits for us, such as seen in the prodigal son parable. He is also our older brother who gave up everything and suffered intensely to make a way for us to find our way home.
God does and wants to talk to us today, and longs for us to acknowledge that we accept Him as part of our family by calling him Daddy, Father or likewise.
God has prepared a eternal home and loving family for us His children, along with eternal adventures, such as small kids playing together - but in real adventures as we may see in fantasy and sci-fi movies, then called home by our true parents for dinner and to be tucked in and kissed goodnight. We will be helping the beings that are lost come home.
We will be eternal children - never growing older then that, but also parents to many children, all conformed to God’s children, which is God also, as God is one and we will be all be one with God. We will be the ‘immediate’ God and provider for our children, and have them experience adventures and growth as we did, and mentor them as they play together, as we will be doing the same but at our level, which is more advanced then the adventures our children will be doing, and our parents will be our ‘immediate’ God providing us with all we need, mentoring us, comforting us, and giving us very advanced gifts, as they too will be children playing, learning, advancing.
This cycle will continue forever always advancing, learning wonderful new things, showing our children things that are common to us but new and wonderful to them.
Likes beer, dogs, and Ford Trucks. Has a mullet. Works down at Home Depot, does freelance on the side. Wears a beat up straw cowboy hat and Nacona kikkers. Listens to 70s Rock and 80s to current Country. Lives north of the city in a double wide. His old lady is a stone cold fox who favors daisy dukes and halter tops.
Powerful beyond imagining, and I can imagine a lot. What He does with His time is a meaningless question, since He’s eternal, in the philosophical sense of the word. Created the entire Universe, but in an incredibly subtle manner (none of this tacky style-less fiat): Rather, He created a set of consistent laws that allow the Universe and all of its contents to elegantly unfold over billions of years in an emergent manner.
OK, my God is not really a drill sergeant. Poorly chosen, though seductive, metaphor.
To me, God is The Man. With all that that popular phrase implies. He’s using us in a self-serving and indifferent way, and if He doesn’t get goodie from us, He simply tosses us aside.
Is this really an honest question, or a place for joke answers? I’d assume the latter based on the OP, but there seem to be quite a few people sincerely answering.
As for me, while I believe and even worship Him, I don’t feel like I know Him as well as I used to, and don’t feel good trying to describe Him.
But if you want a joke answer, uh, my God beats up all these mean gods that everybody else has. But looks like Alanis Morissette.
When we were little he was a lot more attentive in a gruff sort of way, but now that we’re older he only half listens to us and mostly plays with his iphone when we try to explain our problems.
There is no god - in the sense of some old man with a long white beard wearing a white robe and offering you 40 virgins (sorry, wrong gender and interest) or standing next to some stupid pearly gates offering you eternal frolicking on nude beaches with free ice cream and cake.
I do, however, believe that each person has a certain “spark” of indestructible energy that goes somewhere when you die (soul?). I like to think it is a collective consciousness of a sort. As if my soul is 1KB in a huge hard drive of a zillion kryatbytes. Minuscule in the grand scheme of things, but a part nonetheless. It would be nice to think that my 1KB is stored nearby the 1KB of others who I love and who have gone before me. On down time, we could share mini-bits of memories together.
It might seem a simple and stupid theory, but if you have ever watched someone die, you actually do feel and sense that some “spark” has left the shell of the body and you know “it” (whatever “it” is) has gone.
Thus, big fan of cremation. The body is nothing more than - well, continuing my computer theory - the shell casing that held the hard drive until it crapped out. Re-cycle it and give the dust back to dust.
Og smash!
I was being entirely honest and forthright in the OP.