Or, you spend time getting to know them platonicly, maybe with both of you acknowledging you would like a romantic relationship but “it isn’t appropriate.” You are “just friends” - for whatever time it takes to determine that yes, this is going to work out between you. If, after a few months - or years - you see each other as human beings instead of idealized romantic interests with little idea as to how the other would react if you broke up - and both still want to date - go for it - you’ve lowered the risk.
That’s kind of what we did. We worked together for three years before starting to date. We were friends long before any romantic interest developed. That friendship, BTW, is a great foundation to the relationship.
And it was a very small company back then, where - let’s see, how many relationships were there?
- the CEO dated then later married the COO’s sister, who also worked there; and so did another sister of theirs also worked there
- the sales VP was married to the sister of another salesman - both women, though, didn’t work there
- the CFO’s wife worked there, and so did the wife’s sister
- another couple dated and then later married (the “no nookie for you tonight!” couple mentioned upthread)
- other people dated, and then broke it off, generally well
There were many relationships in the small company. It did feel like family.
Hang on. What if you work in a radiocarbon dating lab?
Clearly, you develop a platonic relationship with the carbon first. Is this not why the entire process takes so long? :dubious:
I’ve had two relationships with women I met at work.
One of them resulted in marriage. So that worked out OK.
The other was a disaster. Dated a woman I met at work. She was a grad student working part-time in another department, we didn’t work together, all seemed OK.
She turned out to be crazy. First, she engineered a transfer into my department “so we could spend more time together.” This put me in a supervisory relationship to her. Not good.
I decided not to pursue the relationship. She wasn’t having any of that. She said that she would go to the firm authorities and tell them that I had sexually harassed her if I broke up with her.
I couldn’t stand it. I broke up with her anyway. She then became a genuine stalker. I couldn’t go to any of my regular hangouts without either finding her there or having someone tell me “[crazy woman] was in here a while ago looking for you.” She’d knock on my door at home. She’d call me incessantly.
Finally, she left the firm for another career. I left not too long afterwards. I then felt safe in telling her to fuck off and never contact me again, and that if she did, or if I saw her within a thousand feet of me, I’d get a restraining order. I don’t actually know if I could have gotten a restraining order or not (she never threatened violence), but I did know that a restraining order against her, or an arrest, would have destroyed her new career.
That seems to have done the trick, but I still look over my shoulder, especially when I’m in the neighborhood where she lives, or used to live, last I heard.
Met my ex-wife at work. Do not recommend.
No wonder you’re reluctant.