What I've learned from classic video games

I guess so. I was actually not aware of this. Is it a good game?

Putting a crystal in the forhead of a moai will heal you.

Moais can be found everywhere.

Most generic ancient ruins are greeco-roman.

Otherwise common objects are hard to find if they are vital to the plot.

RPG: Bad guys will rarely strip you of your weapons and equipment if they throw you in jail.

If the king isn’t evil, his 2nd in command probably is, usally so much that it’s suprising that nobody else notices.

FPS: There’s a 50% chance you will be captured and stripped of all your weapons, which is particulary annoying aftet you’ve collected a huge amount of weapons and ammo.

Jails are incredibly easy to escape from.

Firearms and steam power rarely co-exist together. Steam is apparently much easier to develop then firearms, even if they understand gunpowder well enough to make explosives.

Nah, it’s only “root beer” when the parents’ groups are within earshot. :wink:

I know of at least one exception to this: In Diablo II, the whole town gives you a discount after you avenge the deaths of the inkeeper’s husband and son, and the barbarian blacksmith gives you a discount after you kill the general laying seige to the city.

A few more: If your inventory is limited, it’s likely to be by number of items. A ring or bracelet is exactly as hard to carry as a suit of steel fullplate armor.

Comrades who have been killed, or even turned to stone, complete with all their inventory, can be carried around without difficulty. But you can’t carry their inventory if they’re still alive.

You don’t need to ever say anything to anybody to carry on conversations. If you walk up to a person and look at him (or her), he’ll just spontaneously tell you some useful tidbit. After a given person has given you his tidbit, though, he’ll just give you the exact same “good luck on your quest” line as every other person in the world.

The town guards are quite adept at keeping the immediate environs of the city free from dragons, beholders, and greater demons, but they just can’t quite ever seem to wipe out those pesky imps.

No matter what you sell to a shopkeeper, he’ll never run out of money, and he often won’t hold onto the item you just sold him. Want that Sun Sword back? Sorry, you’ll have to settle for this lovely Rapier.

When an enemy has a weapon/vehicle that has unlimited ammo, they’ll decide that conserving ammo is a really good idea.

-Hero Armour: A suit of Hero armour has some unique inconsistencies. A full suit of armor carries no worse burden than walking around naked. In fact, one can easily leap chasms, survive falling from great heights, and sprint out of certain danger in the suit. However, contact with any undead creatures, or any offal they project, results in the armor shattering apart. Note that it only takes one collision to cause this to happen. This would suggest that the armor is extremely brittle, or made out of some ablative material that vaporizes off and dissipates undead energies. Once deprived of this protective suit, any contact with such threats again is certaintly lethal.

EXCEPTION: When exposed to Black Magic, the wearer of the armor will be transmuted into either a frog or a duck; and while extremely vulnerable in this state they still retain their impressive jumping abilities :wink: However, without this armor, being struck by Black Magic will temporarily age a person, slowing them down yet allowing them to retain use of their weapons. Thus, in the event a wearor of armor is to be immimently struck by Black Magic, they are advised to strip off every last piece of armour possible, to avoid a possible transmutation where they may be rendered helpless.

Any means of remarkable stamina or protective equipment (golden rings, energy bars, ‘health’ ‘shield’ ‘energy’) offer varying levels of protection against different threats, but are useless in protecting the hero from being crushed to death. In some cases, spikes also carrying a startling level of lethality, no doubt tipped with some sort of anti-Hero poison.

Enemy projectiles are almost always slower than the hero’s projectiles. Despite having a massive numerical advantage over the hero, henchmen lack the ability to lead their target and can easily be evaded through weaving about. Fortunately, enemy gunfire is rarely harmful to enemies, so there is little concern for friendly fire.

Soviet missile bases are guarded by legions of martial artists who subdue sabotuers and commados by jump kicking them to death :confused:

Platformers: Every attack, from apples to axes, hurts the player normally.

Boss character HP, plus old platform hero hit detection, equals 9999 seperate hits

Related: Sometimes you have to ask someone the same question 3 times before they answer with relevant information.

Providing you say anything at all. That’s why Knights of the Old Republic was so cool. When talking with someone, you actually have several different ways to make the conversation go.

Ancient Ruins, particulary Pyramids, always have something useful/valuable inside when you arrive, as opposed to in IRL, where most ancients ruins have long since been plundered for anything shiny or else have mostly pots and such inside.

Huge creatures can live for millions of years deep in the earth with no apparent food supply.

Your enemy will have the ability to deploy tanks by parachute with no apparent drawback.

Women with little clothing will have no problem operating in sub-zero tempretures for long periods of time.

System Shock 2: Firearms are made with bad designs or poor material, because theif degrade at an amazing rate.

Thief: Guards have an amazing ability to distiguish your footsteps from a servant or another guard.

Platformers: Projectiles will sometimes rain down from off screen with no apparent cause. The use of direct fired artillery is implied, but you never actually see said artillery.

Again from Tomb Raider games: guards are extremely territorial {or lazy}, and will express no interest whatsoever in a pitched firefight happening in the next room: “Hey, it’s not MY job. The boss said guard this room, I guard THIS room. Lou and Eddie can guard their own damn room, the lazy SOB’s.” Set foot over THEIR doorstep, however, and they become extremely diligent in their duties.

On the plus side, the wholesale smashing of ancient ruins and destroying the priceless artefacts therein to recover one fragment of a puzzle is perfectly acceptable, and laying waste to endangered species with automatic weapons is positively encouraged.

The baddies in Return to Castle Wolfenstein; Soldier of Fortune II; Medal of Honor; and Aliens vs. Predator do, too. (In AvP, the Marines will occasionally look up in horror and scream as they desperately try to cram another clip in their weapon.)

Anyway…

Nazis almost always have crisp, clean uniforms.

Weapons that won’t work underwater function perfectly the instant you take them out of the water.

Simulating a giant werewolf is completely beyond the capacity of an 8-bit system. (Giants apes and lizards are doable, though.)

In ye old days of yore, you couldn’t kill opponents. Sure, you can violence destroy their bodies’ ability to sustain life, sending their spirits to the afterlife, and leaving a stack of loot in place of a corpse—heck, sometimes you can even watch the bodies of your foes thrash in obvious agony before winking out into a little 50 Pts!..but you can’t say kill. Heavens, no! You “defeat” enemies! [Note: This one also applies some Anime dubs.]

Death can be cured with a couple of quarters.

Actually, there are two different versions of this game: Beer Tapper and Root Beer Tapper. I’ve seen and played both. Aside from the name, the only difference is the color of the beverage.

Oh yeah, about (Root) Beer Tapper:

It is perfectly acceptable to serve drinks with such force that your patrons are knocked right out the door, taking your mug with them. However, if a mug falls to the floor and breaks, you’re fired. :confused:

It takes half a rifle clip, or 10 shots from my green plasma gun to kill most enemies. Or I can just walk behind you and butt strike you once in the head!

I’ve learned that, apparently, All my base are belong to them…whoever they are.

Also, that MY sniper rifle (the same type as my enemy’s) can kill my enemy with one shot, but it takes them 4 or 5 shots to do me in.

you can’t see your feet, your legs or your body. whatever is implied, the truth is you’re only a floating head and an arm.

If we’re talking about exceptions, I have to talk about Fallout, one of the greatest games ever. If you haven’t played it, you can pick up a double pack with Fallout 2 for 10 bucks.

Enemies have limited ammo. If their clip runs out, they stop and reload. If their ammo runs out, they pull their knife or crowbar or powered smashy hammer and run up to you. If you kill them and loot the corpse, they’ll only have whatever they didn’t use to fight you - if they used all their ammo, they still won’t have any for you to take.

If you administer a huge and rapid beatdown on your enemies, they’ll try to run away before you can finish the job.

If you rob someone’s house or shop and they see you, or even just barge in after hours, they will get pissed. They might even blow you into bloody chunks.

Shopkeepers have a limited amount of money. If you sell them a lot of stuff, they’ll run out, the value of what you have goes down, and you’ll either have to wait a few days or barter for what you want.

If you do a shopkeeper a favor, you’ll get a discount. If you piss him off, you’ll have to pay more, he might refuse to do business altogether, or he’ll just shoot you on sight.

You can break doors down with a crowbar or hammer, pick the lock, or blow them up. There’s no such thing as an impregnable door. It might be very, very difficult, but there’s always a way.

In the Master’s lair, if you have a lockpick skill of at least 170 or something ridiculous like that, you can break into the room where the nuke is, set the timer, and run out, without having to fight him.

You can be considered a hero in one town and a villian in another, and your reputation doesn’t necessarily follow you around. It will if you do something really impressive though.

  1. All of nature is dependent on four fragile orbs or crystals, and/or the altar rooms where they belong. If a Bad Guy[sup]TM[/sup] comes along and breaks /steals one of these, then the soil will rot, the fire will vanish from the world, and the wind and sea will become chaotic – and all human civilization will be wiped from the globe.

No, these crystals aren’t being guarded. Why do you ask?

  1. Villains only have one of three possible motivations:[ul][li]Become a god[/li][li]Take over the world[/li][li]ATTACK![/ul][/li]
    3)Villains all have distinctive laughs

4)Complete strangers are much better informed about your background/parentage than you are. In fact, you’re probably not human at all.

5)Are those 99 cottages in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (And do you keep them in the same pocket as your cabins and tents?)

6)Parallel worlds in different universes can have different cultures, architectural styles, species, histories, levels of technology, and even fundamentally different laws of nature, but they will have a grizzled engineer named Cid.