But only one will tell you to “Sit down and drink your ****ing tea!”
There will probably also be people named Wedge and Biggs, and they will be soldiers. They’ve even been known to appear in other Square games outside of the FF series.
“Now sit your ass down and drink your goddamn TEA!!” --Cid Highwind, Final Fantasy VII
Yeah, they fixed this is Baldur’s Gate. I’ve been arrested repeatedly, but that’s what happens when you are a crappy thief.
Oh - and you will never, ever have all the money/coins you need when you truly need them, therefore you must roam aimless in the woods outside of town hacking and hacking and hacking creatures mindlessly until you do.
The guy who will eventually bring down the big bad evil comes from the town with only the cheapest, crappiest gear in the world for sale. If I were an evil overlord, I’d find that town and see to it that they never feel the boot of oppression.
Life is red. Magic is blue. Poison is green. Disease is yellow.
Lumberjacks get paid extra if the trees all fall the same way.
As a security measure, some buttons are placed so that they can only be actuated by grenade launchers.
The ship’s AI can teleport items to you, but can’t teleport, say, a bomb to the people it wants you to eliminate.
A good pickpocket can sell the same four machine guns to a librarian over and over in exchange for books that disappear when read.
A beholder will keep walking around in a sqare pattern for as long as it takes to kill it.
Even if everyone in your party has a loaded and locked grenade launcher and plasma thrower slung across the backs of their heavy lunarian battle armor with ECM fields, a couple guys with laser pistols will still pick a fight with you at a bar.
Thirsty bards can’t sing.
Ten crowns!
Darth’s tie fighter can take anything you got, pal.
You walk the land alone, until a battle breaks out, at which point two of your comrades pop out of your ass or something.
Zombies are alergic to root beer.
A conspicuously placed waste basket always contains a keycard.
You’re not going anywhere without a crowbar and some rope.
No matter what you accomplish, everyone you meet will still belittle you, even your wife, no matter how many times you saved her from undead pirates.
Steal your enemies’ ammo and ply them with alcohol before you speak with them. Never give Ian a burst weapon.
Never ask, “What am I going to do with a bunch of junk mail?” The question is, what are you going to do without it?
Smiling, happy drunks are full of money.
Save early, save often.
At the risk of slaughtering a joke by explaining it, yes, I know. “Root Beer Tapper” came out after parents’ groups complained about the risk that a beer-oriented video game might end up in an arcade where impressionable youngsters could see (and play) it.
Hence the (formerly witty) comment…
If this is what I think it is, you’re wrong. It’s ghosts who are allergic to Root Beer. Sqirting Root Beer on a zombie just creates a sticky zombie.
Well, if you have power armor it’s OK to give him an SMG, a lot of the bullets will bounce off your back. An assault rifle would be bad news though.
If you have high enough skill in melee, a high strength, and a powered smashy hammer, you can literally knock enemies halfway across town. You may want to have a nice sniper rifle on hand so you can shoot them before they get up and run away.
If you train in the right skills, you can attack twice as often with a knife as with your bare hands.
If you are lucky enough, you might find all sorts of cool gadgets and random weirdness out in the desert.
Aliens prefer felt pictures of elvis.
More on armor: All armor, despite its appearances and protective qualities, is actually made out of Spandex. Therefore, the same breastplate will form-fit perfectly well on a scrawny little pencilnecked wizard, a musclebound barbarian mountain of manhood, or a full-bosomed, wasp-waisted warrior maiden, with no alterations necessary in any case.
In World of Warcraft it even goes a bit further: on Undead characters, the clothes or armor has gaps at the joints so you can see the bones sticking out. On Tauren (think minotaurs) cloaks have a slit down the middle so the furry back hump can stick out, and boots don’t cover the hooves, just the upper part of the foot and ankle.
Zelda2: Ghostly Klansmen guard Hyrulan palaces.
Joe Montana can take a snap at the fifty, run backwards to his own goal line, and throw a pass 105 yards to Jerry Rice who will catch it despite being triple covered…every…single…time.
And there are three types of hockey players: fat, skiny, and in between.
Dolphins don’t need oxygen to breath provided that there are enough fish around.
In the end violence solves everything.
In order to save the world you must go on many, many quests for magical items. On your quests you will gain enough experience to beat the bad guy. The bad guy should just give the good guy all the items while the good guy is still at level 1, kill him, and retake the items.
Performing an elaborate dance with your weapon multiplies its attack power. Performing an elaborate dance after the battle does nothing, but its fun anyway.
Suicide is never the answer…unless you’re stuck. Then it totally is.
Outer space is extremely small. If you ever find yourself somehow the only member of an armada in an asteroid belt, you’ll notice two things.
First, you have unlimited fuel and ammo.
Second, if you hit any of the rocks, don’t breath easier. It’ll only be a few seconds before the chunck hits the end of space and wraps around to your other side to try to get you again.
So not only is space small, but it’s also curved.
Yeah, but the point is it only takes a few seconds, meaning space is very, very small.
Nitpick: It’s still flat. It’s just topologically nontrivial. One of my professors has devoted a fair bit of research time to this distinction, as it applies to our own real Universe.
Leave it to me to come up with the one game that can spark a debate on the physics of the universe. :smack: