- $50 for each use of tired old in-jokes.
- $100 to make a new in-joke.
$10 every time someone gets wooshed
$25 for not providing a cite
$42 whenever somone claims to have found the correct answer
I’d like $10 for every time *I’ve * been whooshed.
I’d like to buy a custom title, pad my post count a bit, and be a Mod for a day. How much will that cost me?
Opal seems to be held in high regard. So for $5.00, I could be Opal.
Anyone else want to be Opal (for $5.00 b/o a pop)?
1 k of g for the first 14 Dopers to apply.
Of course, we’d have to figure out how to get it out of the f p d, assuming we can even find the damned thing.
Failing that, we could sell handsomely engraved grys.
I thought $500 was good for two years?
That was too enrich a specific doper, this is to enrich the boards. Hence the shorter timespan.
::: Starts making a list:::
How about just having a pledge drive? If we raise, say, ten thousand bucks by July 1st, we can have a Smashie Smilie!
If something in a thread makes you laugh so hard you snort coffee (or Coke) on your keyboard, not only does that person not owe you a new keyboard, but you have to put $10.00 in the SDMB coffers. And if you make mention of someone owing you a new keyboard in those circumstances, there’s a $10.00 fine.
Ooooh, ooooh, got another one. $250.00 to Junior Mod for a week; you’d even get a Junior Mod banner under your username.
While I am normally against making statements with my car, I would love to buy and display a CECIL fish.
$100 for the right to step into a thread and forbid any one member from posting in it. This could be used for things like preventing further hijacking, or allowing other members to have a semblance of rational discussion without having to deal with the “banned” poster’s rantings.
People who don’t like smilies can pay $5/day to make them disappear. People who do like smilies can pay $10/day to make them appear everywhere, including on the screens of the people who don’t like them. (I seem to recall phone companies using similar tactics with respect to caller ID and caller-ID blocking.)
$2/day blocks a specific in-joke or piece of leetspeak from your screen.
$15/month pre-searches the boards for a specified word or phrase, and maintains a ‘live’ index of links to it.
What with the new standard for downloadable fonts, $500 gets you your very own font to post in. Comic Sans forevar!
For $20 I’ll tell you how to install Firefox, which includes spell checking. 
T shirts, Attractive t shirts.
With the masthead and slogan on the front and ‘Cite?’, on the back. If more people viewing your banner ads is your goal how can you ignore this? How long till one would appear in a movie or a video?
We’ve done this to death, we’ve begged them for it. I know how many people would buy one, (from the last time we explored this idea), no matter how overpriced, if they were available.
Instead they’d rather offer that hideous illustration one which they can’t seem to give away for $10. Five plus years and counting, and they still have inventory, yikes!
They already have the artwork for the masthead, they own the copyright, I guess there are no t shirt makers in Chicago.
Seems a no brainer, but, alas, here at the Straight Dope, it seems the easiest things are are the hardest too.
I’ve often though the Wheel of Fortune approach would be worth a try – you know, consonants are free, but if you want to use a vowel…
I use Firefox. It doesn’t stop me from typing completely the wrong word. And it’s dictionary doesn’t seem to be very big.
$20/day to add pictures - yay LOLcats!
For $50 you could have Cecil post in one of your threads.
For $500, he could praise your “professionally written” OP.
For $5,000 he could demean other posters on your behalf (maximum of 3 posts).
I think Cecil would want at least another zero at the end of those amounts. Maybe two.
I’d be willing to pay a small sum for pictures of mods in the buff. I’m not going to say which ones.