I am dealing with a new relative, and having a hard time getting in touch with him. (Since I know nothing about him, I am reluctant to call him on the phone.) His FB account got deactivated, and today his wife told me via FB that he can’t be on Yahoo or any chat room site.
To me, that just screams, “SEX OFFENDER” but I hope hope hope I am wrong. We have the same dad but did not grow up together. Seriously, I did not know he existed until like 3 months ago.
What do you all think? I understand you are not lawyers but what does this sound like to you?
I’m guessing you at least know his first and last name, as well as the state he lives in and states he has lived in. Type the name into the relevant state’s sex offender list. See if there is a hit. I don’t know about the rest of the states, but Indiana does have an offender database, and it is searchable for non-sex crimes, to a degree. Being banned from social computer use is likely the result of a sex crime, but could have happened because he used the Internet to threaten or harass someone. Who knows?
Mmm. I checked Iowa’s registry, and he doesn’t show up.
My mom’s guess is that his wife messed around with someone, he didn’t like it (despite the alleged open marriage) and he may have threatened them on the internet. Police got involved, and the courts, grounding him from being online.
So much stuff is online… It’s just weird, is all, to not have access. Especially as he is starting an online course soon - Now how is that supposed to work? Maybe it’s on a closed server or something. It’s a mystery.
Assuming he is not actually in prison, how can anyone enforce something like this? (Especially considering that his wife is apparently online.) I suppose somewhere like Facebook can be monitored to see if there is an active account under his name, but on most sites (like, even, this one) it is easy enough to be anonymous or pseudonymous.
It seems like you’re leaving something out…like why you think it’s law enforcement banning him, rather than (as I’m sure is much more common) a person in his life.
And it’s entirely possible to “cheat” in an open marriage - many people have explicit boundaries, including an “off limits” list of people, behaviors or time/money to be spent on other people. Violate those, and it’s fair to call it cheating.
The wife could easily be lying about any or all of this. Being banned is kind of unenforceable, but if you’re banned and you get caught, then you can be punished. Sex offenders are banned from being around children sometimes, but it doesn’t necessarily stop them. It’s only when they get caught that it matters. Maybe he can take online courses, be on the internet, use a computer, etc, but the line is drawn at using the computer for social purposes. If he uses the chatroom, goes back to his old habits of contacting the victim or new victims and they turn him in, then he’s caught. Do you know very much about the wife? Maybe she doesn’t want you in the picture, and is trying to make it hard for you.
I know several people who live in fundamentalist religious households and I wouldn’t be very shocked if some of them do not fully believe in the “rules” that the family follows, but that they follow along for the sake of family togetherness.